Quotulatiousness

January 17, 2026

Scott Adams, RIP

Filed under: Books, Bureaucracy, Business, Humour, Media, Politics, USA — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

Another Scott, Scott Alexander, has a long essay about the career and life of the late comic strip artist, author, and internet personality. When I first encountered his Dilbert comic strip, I was living the cubicle life and far too many of the jokes and situations felt like Adams must be in the same company — possibly even the same department. I read a couple of his non-Dilbert books, but I didn’t follow his work very much after I escaped the cube farm, so reading this essay told me a number of things about Adams that I didn’t already know:

Thanks to everyone who sent in condolences on my recent death from prostate cancer at age 68, but that was Scott Adams. I (Scott Alexander) am still alive.1

Still, the condolences are appreciated. Scott Adams was a surprisingly big part of my life. I may be the only person to have read every Dilbert book before graduating elementary school. For some reason, 10-year-old-Scott found Adams’ stories of time-wasting meetings and pointy-haired bosses hilarious. No doubt some of the attraction came from a more-than-passing resemblance between Dilbert’s nameless corporation and the California public school system. We’re all inmates in prisons with different names.

But it would be insufficiently ambitious to stop there. Adams’ comics were about the nerd experience. About being cleverer than everyone else, not just in the sense of being high IQ, but in the sense of being the only sane man in a crazy world where everyone else spends their days listening to overpaid consultants drone on about mission statements instead of doing anything useful. There’s an arc in Dilbert where the boss disappears for a few weeks and the engineers get to manage their own time. Productivity shoots up. Morale soars. They invent warp drives and time machines. Then the boss returns, and they’re back to being chronically behind schedule and over budget. This is the nerd outlook in a nutshell: if I ran the circus, there’d be some changes around here.

Yet the other half of the nerd experience is: for some reason this never works. Dilbert and his brilliant co-workers are stuck watching from their cubicles while their idiot boss racks in bonuses and accolades. If humor, like religion, is an opiate of the masses, then Adams is masterfully unsubtle about what type of wound his art is trying to numb.

This is the basic engine of Dilbert: everyone is rewarded in exact inverse proportion to their virtue. Dilbert and Alice are brilliant and hard-working, so they get crumbs. Wally is brilliant but lazy, so he at least enjoys a fool’s paradise of endless coffee and donuts while his co-workers clean up his messes. The P.H.B. is neither smart nor industrious, so he is forever on top, reaping the rewards of everyone else’s toil. Dogbert, an inveterate scammer with a passing resemblance to various trickster deities, makes out best of all.

The repressed object at the bottom of the nerd subconscious, the thing too scary to view except through humor, is that you’re smarter than everyone else, but for some reason it isn’t working. Somehow all that stuff about small talk and sportsball and drinking makes them stronger than you. No equation can tell you why. Your best-laid plans turn to dust at a single glint of Chad’s perfectly-white teeth.

Lesser lights may distance themselves from their art, but Adams radiated contempt for such surrender. He lived his whole life as a series of Dilbert strips. Gather them into one of his signature compendia, and the title would be Dilbert Achieves Self Awareness And Realizes That If He’s So Smart Then He Ought To Be Able To Become The Pointy-Haired Boss, Devotes His Whole Life To This Effort, Achieves About 50% Success, Ends Up In An Uncanny Valley Where He Has Neither The Virtues Of The Honest Engineer Nor Truly Those Of The Slick Consultant, Then Dies Of Cancer Right When His Character Arc Starts To Get Interesting.

If your reaction is “I would absolutely buy that book”, then keep reading, but expect some detours.


  1. As is quantum complexity blogger Scott Aaronson.

At Ace of Spades H.Q., Buck Throckmorton remembers Scott Adams:

Scott Adams’ death is being eloquently covered by others, so there is not much I can add. But I do want to offer up a few quick thoughts. Aside from Dilbert being my favorite cartoon for decades, I was a loyal reader of Mr. Adams’ blog for many years before his greater celebrity during the Trump era. Mr. Adams often expanded my views, and occasionally frustrated me, but he helped me understand how rational people can understand things differently.

Back in 2016, when I doubted that Donald Trump was in any way conservative, and when I thought Trump had no chance to beat Hillary in the presidential election, Scott Adams was one of two writers who made an impact on my attitude toward that election. Mr. Adams famously wrote about the reasons why Trump was likely to win. He was right. (The other writer was John Hinderaker of Powerline, who was the first legacy conservative I read who stated that of course we traditional Republicans needed to vote for Trump.)

I was flattered once when Scott put out a call for Dilbert topics and he ended up using one of my submissions. As I recall, his invitation to the public was something to the effect of “You provide the workplace situation and I’ll provide the humor“. I wrote him and offered up what a special hell it was to be working for a company campaigning for recognition in a local “Best Places to Work” contest. Shortly thereafter he used that in a cartoon.

Finally, my favorite Dilbert character was one who got very little screen time. Scott Adams may be gone, but Mordac, The Preventer of Information Services lives on.

I think of Mordac every time I have a spontaneously obsolete password, or I’m blocked from being able to access a system necessary for my job, or I can’t access an SaaS app because there are too few licenses, or I’m logged out of a system because I got called away for a short meeting, etc. In all these circumstances, I give a tip of the hat to Mordac, and I applaud his success in protecting my employer by preventing me from doing my job.

January 14, 2026

QotD: Bill Clinton, proto-PUA

Filed under: History, Humour, Quotations, USA — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Slick Willie was a pudgy marching band dork who learned some Game. The 1990s were the worst decade in human history for a lot of reasons, and I typically say “because that’s when the Jonesers really came into their own”, but that’s not accurate. It’s when the AWFL — that’s “affluent White female liberal”, and it’s redundant at least 2x, but I didn’t coin it — realized that she ruled the Evil Empire. We called them “soccer moms” back then, “Karen” now, but the concept is the same (though the former weren’t quite as obnoxious, it was a difference of degree, not kind).

Most men I knew, even most Boomer and Generation Jones men, were put off by Bill Clinton. We all instinctively knew he was a weasel, even if we couldn’t quite articulate why. But oh how the soccer moms loved him! He was the pudgy marching band dork they’d actually settled for, carrying on like the Alpha Chad they still knew, in their secret hearts, they were hot enough to snag. What appeared to men (and what actually was) narcissism and braggadocio, looked like caddish swagger to soccer moms. But in actual fact he was just a nerd who’d learned Game ahead of its time, and that’s how he governed …

[Funny how none of the “Game” gurus recognized this. I guess I can’t blame them, since I just now realized it myself, but then again I don’t pimp myself out as some kind of Master Pickup Artist. Instead of aping Tom Cruise and Daniel Craig and those guys, the “Game” crowd should’ve been studying Bill Clinton. That’s what Game can do for you, boys, and yeah, I know you’ve got your sights set a little higher than Monica, but for pete’s sake, the man was President of the United States. He cigar-banged the entire electorate. That’s some serious Game].

Severian, “Friday Mailbag”, Founding Questions, 2022-04-08.

NR: In case “PUA” has fallen sufficiently out of current use — as it probably deserves — here’s a useful overview of the Pick Up Artist jargon by Kim du Toit from 2017.

Update, 15 January: Welcome, Instapundit readers! Have a look around at some of my other posts you may find of interest. I send out a daily summary of posts here through my Substackhttps://substack.com/@nicholasrusson that you can subscribe to if you’d like to be informed of new posts in the future.

January 1, 2026

New Year’s memery

Filed under: Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 03:00

The period between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day (aka “Hangover Day” for amateur drinkers) tend to be pretty low-traffic periods for internet sites, and my experience is that my own readers drop in far less frequently until around January 2nd. Taking advantage of this, I can drop in a few low-effort posts to keep up appearances and get on with my usual holiday sloth with no-one the wiser. So … memes:

First, a tribute to yet another armpit of a year:

And on to the bright promise of the infant 2026:

Sorry, that was apparently a repeat post from every year since 2016, prompting this heartfelt apology from the powers-that-be:

Not so much a meme as an accurate recapitulation of our descent into the cultural cesspool we currently inhabit (h/t to Ted Gioia):

New Year’s resolutions? Here’s a suggestion:

Ian has the right idea:

It’s a fair question, isn’t it?

You can tell it’s not their first rodeo:

Not a meme, but in the general direction of memery — Dave Barry’s “Year in Review“. An excerpt:

The biggest story of 2025, to judge from the number of people who sent it to me, was this raccoon:

In case you somehow missed this story: In late November, this raccoon got into a state liquor store in Ashland, Va., by falling though the ceiling. Once inside, the raccoon ransacked the store, leaving a trail of broken bottles …

… and apparently consuming a large quantity of booze before passing out in the bathroom next to the toilet. That’s where the raccoon was found by a store employee, who called an animal-control officer, who took it to an animal shelter. When the raccoon finally sobered up, it was hired as director of security by the Louvre Museum.

No, seriously, it was released into the wild. But the photo went majorly viral, and the raccoon became a huge celebrity. We, the American people, LOVE this raccoon. And I think I know why: After the year we’ve been through, we can relate to it. We have had way too much of 2025; it has left us, as a nation, lying face-down on the floor of despair, between the wastebasket of stupidity and the commode of broken dreams.

December 29, 2025

QotD: Learning how to swim

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Michael Bennett has a neck injury. Mewelde Moore has a bad ankle. Onterrio “Cheech” Smith is in his basement trying to build a better Whizzinator so he can play next year. Moe Williams is more of a short-yardage back.

So Friday, the Vikings will throw young [rookie running back Ciatrick] Fason overboard to see if he can swim.

That’s not a bad practice. Years ago, that’s how a lot of youngsters really did learn to swim. Before the era of 24/7 nurturing, a father or older brother would take a boy out to the middle of a lake or river and push him into the water.

It’s quick, and it saves hundreds of dollars on swimming lessons. That’s how I learned. The only problem, as I recall, was getting out of the plastic bag. But after that, it was a cinch.

Tom Powers, “Opportunity knocks for quick-healing Fason”, St. Paul Pioneer Press, 2005-08-31.

December 27, 2025

QotD: The US Department of War does “The Twelve Days of Christmas”

Filed under: Humour, Military, Quotations, USA — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

The President signed an EO directing the Department of War to assist Santa with the Twelve Days of Xmas.

Status of acquisitions follows:

Day 1 – Partridge in a Pear Tree:
The Army and Air Force are in the process of deciding whose area of responsibility Day 1 falls under.
Since the partridge is a bird, Air Force believes it should have the lead. Army, however, feels trees are part of the land component command’s area of responsibility.

After three months of discussion and repeated OpsDeps tank sessions, a $1M study has been commissioned to decide who should lead this joint program.

Day 2 – Two Turtle Doves:
Since doves are birds, the Air Force claims responsibility. However, turtles are amphibious, so the Navy-Marine Corps team feel they should take the lead. Initial studies show that turtles and doves may have interoperability problems.

Terms of reference are being coordinated for a four-year, $10M DARPA study.

Day 3 – Three French Hens:
At State Department instigation, the Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs has blocked off-shore purchase of hens, from the French or anyone else.

A $6M program is being developed to find an acceptable domestic alternative.

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds:
Source selection has been completed, with the contract awarded to AT&T.

However, the award is being challenged by a small disadvantaged business.

Day 5 – Five Golden Rings:
No available rings meet MILSPEC for gold plating.

A three-year, $5M accelerated development program has been initiated.

Day 6 – Six Geese a-Laying:
Six geese have been acquired.

However, the shells of their eggs seem to be very fragile. It might have been a mistake to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at former Air Force base closed under BRAC.

Day 7 – Seven Swans a-Swimming:
Fourteen swans have been killed trying to get through the Navy SEAL training program.

The program has been put on hold while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the washout rate is so high.

Day 8 – Eight Maids a-Milking:
The entire class of maids a-milking training program at Aberdeen is involved in a sexual harassment suit against the Army.

The program has been put on hold pending resolution of the lawsuit.

Day 9 – Nine Ladies Dancing:
Recruitment of Ladies has been halted by a lawsuit from the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Association”.

Members claim they have a right to dance and wear women’s clothing as long as they’re off duty.

Day 10 – Ten Lords a-Leaping:
The ten lords have been abducted by terrorists. Congress has approved $2M in funding to conduct a rescue operation.

Army Special Forces and a USMC MEU(SOC) are conducting a “NEO-off” competition for the right to rescue.

Day 11 – Eleven Pipers Piping:
The pipe contractor delivered the pipes on time. However, he thought DoD wanted smoking pipes. DoD lost the claim due to defective specifications.

A $22M dollar retrofit program is in process to bring the pipes into spec.

Day 12 – Twelve Drummers Drumming:
Due to cutbacks, only six billets are available for drumming drummers. DoD is in the process of coordinating an RFP to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing. However, funds will not be available until FY 26.

As a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays, due to a high OPTEMPO that requires diversion of modernization funds to support current readiness, Christmas is hereby postponed until further notice.

“Old NFO Retired”, from social media courtesy of Moses Lambert.

Update, 29 December: Welcome, Instapundit readers! Have a look around at some of my other posts you may find of interest. I send out a daily summary of posts here through my Substackhttps://substack.com/@nicholasrusson that you can subscribe to if you’d like to be informed of new posts in the future.

December 26, 2025

The US-Mexican border

Filed under: Americas, History, Humour, Military, USA — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

An amusing exchange on the social media site formerly known as Twitter:

    Ordnance Jay Packard Esq. @OrdnancePackard

    Hey @LineGoesDown, interesting your little map includes the Comancheria, a vast section of that northern green area that Mexico never set foot in because they’d get their shit pushed in by the Comanche.

    It was only after the Mexican-American war that the United States put a stop to the Comanche using Mexico like an ATM.

It’s actually even funnier than that.

The reason Mexicans kept getting their shit pushed in by the Comancheria was gun control.

No, seriously. It was Spanish colonial policy to keep the population disarmed and rely entirely on deployment of the military to keep order and prevent Indian incursions. Mexico inherited this.

This was impossible. The land was vast. State capacity and the military were overstretched. The Comanches were too mobile. Result: misery and massacre.

Americans, inheriting the British colonial policy of everybody bring your own guns and form militias, didn’t suffer as badly. Raiders more often went where the soft targets were, and that meant the disarmed ones in the Mexican zone.

This is also why Alta California was so sparsely settled that Spanish and Mexican control over it was at best nominal. Anglo settlers were culturally and politically much better equipped to hold the territory, making the Mexican session eventually inevitable.

ESR, The social media site formerly known as Twitter, 2025-12-25.

Update, 28 December: Welcome, Instapundit readers! Have a look around at some of my other posts you may find of interest. I send out a daily summary of posts here through my Substackhttps://substack.com/@nicholasrusson that you can subscribe to if you’d like to be informed of new posts in the future.

QotD: In defence of fruitcake

Filed under: Food, Humour, Quotations — Tags: — Nicholas @ 01:00

While more famous for being the butt of jokes than a desirable foodstuff, I am here to tell you that the modest fruitcake is the ambrosia of desserts, a delight to the palate, and a party for the eyes.

To start, fruitcake has two important things going for it:

  1. Fruit.
  2. Cake.

As we all know, fruit is healthy. We are constantly being badgered by dietary experts to eat more fruit. What better source of fruit is there than fruitcake? Besides every other source, I mean.

I do think it’s important here to dispel an enduring myth that the fruit in today’s modern fruitcakes is infused with colossal amounts of sugar.

That is a lie.

It is glacéed with colossal amounts of sugar, which is an entirely different process that involves speaking French.

Okay, I am willing to admit that the fruit you typically find in fruit cake these days, assuming you find any, has been … glacéed with so much sugar it resembles Gummies more than fruit, but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that it has the word “fruit” in it, so when your doctor asks you if you’ve been eating fruit you can give him an answer that won’t necessarily require a visit to confessional both and a half dozen Our Fathers.

[…]

Fruitcake has a long history, dating back as far as the Egyptians and has played a role in shaping our lives to this very day. Roman legions used an early form of fruitcake called satura to fuel their expansion. Did they rely on kale salads and quinoa? No, otherwise we’d all be speaking German by now. Or something.

Fruitcake is versatile as well, appropriate for both breakfast and dessert, bookending your busy day. Plus, how many desserts can you wrap up and give as an actual gift as opposed to just something you bring to a dinner party? Let’s just say you aren’t going to drop banana pudding in a FedEx box.

And yes, all jokes aside, it really can be used as a doorstop. You can’t say that about peach flambé, if only for the safety hazard.

“One of our writers was crazy enough to pen this defense of fruitcake, God bless him”, Not the Bee, 2022-12-19.

December 25, 2025

QotD: Christmas dinner

Filed under: Britain, Food, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

An advertisement in my Sunday paper sets forth in the form of a picture the four things that are needed for a successful Christmas. At the top of the picture is a roast turkey; below that, a Christmas pudding; below that, a dish of mince pies; and below that, a tin of —’s Liver Salt.

It is a simple recipe for happiness. First the meal, then the antidote, then another meal. The ancient Romans were the great masters of this technique. However, having just looked up the word vomitorium in the Latin dictionary, I find that after all it does not mean a place where you went to be sick after dinner. So perhaps this was not a normal feature of every Roman home, as is commonly believed.

Implied in the above-mentioned advertisement is the notion that a good meal means a meal at which you overeat yourself. In principle I agree. I only add in passing that when we gorge ourselves this Christmas, if we do get the chance to gorge ourselves, it is worth giving a thought to the thousand million human beings, or thereabouts, who will be doing no such thing. For in the long run our Christmas dinners would be safer if we could make sure that everyone else had a Christmas dinner as well. But I will come back to that presently.

The only reasonable motive for not overeating at Christmas would be that somebody else needs the food more than you do. A deliberately austere Christmas would be an absurdity. The whole point of Christmas is that it is a debauch — as it was probably long before the birth of Christ was arbitrarily fixed at that date. Children know this very well. From their point of view Christmas is not a day of temperate enjoyment, but of fierce pleasures which they are quite willing to pay for with a certain amount of pain. The awakening at about 4 a.m. to inspect your stockings; the quarrels over toys all through the morning, and the exciting whiffs of mincemeat and sage-and-onions escaping from the kitchen door; the battle with enormous platefuls of turkey, and the pulling of the wishbone; the darkening of the windows and the entry of the flaming plum pudding; the hurry to make sure that everyone has a piece on his plate while the brandy is still alight; the momentary panic when it is rumoured that Baby has swallowed the threepenny bit; the stupor all through the afternoon; the Christmas cake with almond icing an inch thick; the peevishness next morning and the castor oil on December 27th — it is an up-and-down business, by no means all pleasant, but well worth while for the sake of its more dramatic moments.

Teetotallers and vegetarians are always scandalized by this attitude. As they see it, the only rational objective is to avoid pain and to stay alive as long as possible. If you refrain from drinking alcohol, or eating meat, or whatever it is, you may expect to live an extra five years, while if you overeat or overdrink you will pay for it in acute physical pain on the following day. Surely it follows that all excesses, even a one-a-year outbreak such as Christmas, should be avoided as a matter of course?

Actually it doesn’t follow at all. One may decide, with full knowledge of what one is doing, that an occasional good time is worth the damage it inflicts on one’s liver. For health is not the only thing that matters: friendship, hospitality, and the heightened spirits and change of outlook that one gets by eating and drinking in good company are also valuable. I doubt whether, on balance, even outright drunkenness does harm, provided it is infrequent — twice a year, say. The whole experience, including the repentance afterwards, makes a sort of break in one’s mental routine, comparable to a week-end in a foreign country, which is probably beneficial.

George Orwell, “In praise of Christmas”, Tribune, 1946-12-20.

December 24, 2025

QotD: Moderation for the inveterate port fan at Christmas

Filed under: Britain, Food, Humour, Quotations, Wine — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

The problem with wine is that it’s all so strong these days. I had a Saint-Estèphe last year that was 15 per cent. 15 percent Bordeaux! I used to enjoy having Châteauneuf-du-Pape on Christmas day, but that can touch 16 per cent. So once again Germany is your friend here.

A nice spätburgunder, the delightful German word for pinot noir, would be a good alternative. Or perhaps an English red. They’re not easy to find or cheap but I can thoroughly recommend the 2020 pinot noirs from Gusbourne in Kent and Danbury Ridge in Essex.

With the turkey, keep the pork accessories to a minimum. Don’t sneak into the kitchen to polish off the pigs in blankets. Instead have lots of vegetables, but do not have seconds, no matter how tempting that might be. As for Christmas pudding, avoid, avoid, avoid. Maybe a crumb for appearances’ sake. But you must resist the sweet wine. I’m a sucker for a nice monbazillac but I’ve decided you don’t need port and sweet wine, and I’m going for the port. Eyes on the prize and all that.

The strategy is to reach the port and stilton course having consumed no more than the equivalent of one bottle of wine. Ideally less. If you’ve had two, that’s too much. Go for a walk.

Assuming you’ve reached this stage soberish and with a stomach that’s not rebelling, that doesn’t mean that you can suddenly channel your inner Georgian squire when the decanter comes round. Don’t be like John Mytton, one time MP for Shrewsbury, who arrived at Cambridge University with 2,000 bottles of port: unsurprisingly he didn’t graduate. He was notorious for drunken antics such as setting fire to his nightshirt in a bid to cure hiccups and once rode a bear into a dinner party for a jape. We’ve all had that urge after too much port.

It might seem heretical, but you don’t need to finish off the decanter at the table. A vintage port should be good for four or five days, whereas tawny lasts for weeks, so you can keep coming back to it. If there are only a few port fans in the family, it’s worth opening a bottle on Christmas Eve and having a glass or two. Then if you do decide to polish it off while outlining your plan for getting the British economy back on track, there won’t be quite so much in the bottle. Oh, and tiny glasses, please. Think Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany in Master and Commander.

When lunch is over, say no to coffee and find somewhere to have a nap until it’s time for a cup of tea. Try to avoid eating or drinking alcohol again for the rest of the day. But who am I kidding, I’ll probably open a bottle of Beaujolais to go with my turkey sandwich. And maybe a little port and Stilton. But nothing after nine o’clock. That is very important.

And so to bed for a good night’s sleep and awake rested, if not quite refreshed, and without an angry wife glaring at me. That’s the plan anyway.

Henry Jeffreys, “How to drink port without the storm”, The Critic, 2022-12-09.

December 23, 2025

Christmas Cookies – You Suck at Cooking (episode 120)

Filed under: Food, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

You Suck At Cooking
Published 23 Dec 2020

This sugar cookie recipe is super easy, just like things that aren’t difficult. They also have something in common with Christmas cookies: you can find them both on planet earth, which is the fifth largest planet in our solar system.

1/2 pound softened butter
1 cup of sugar
cream them together with your gyrowangucopterlator

Then add:
1 jangled egg
3 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
then rejangle with your handheld copterwangler

In another bowl sift together:
3 cups all purpose flour
¾ teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

then dump the baking snow onto your butter cloud and recopterize with your dough typhoon but feel free to fold it together with your spatulator first to avoid a dust storm

At this point you should have dough but if you doughn’t then add another tablespoon of milk until you have dough (and if you have goo try adding some more wheat dust)

lay the dough down to sleep on plastic wrap (one folded sheet) then throw it in the
temperature reducer for an hour or two

then remove it from the heat remover and if it’s really cold let it warm up a bit, otherwise start
pressing and rolling it out until it’s 1/4 inch thick unless you’re not making cookies

then just do your thing, you know, making shapes and whatnot and bake them for 12 minutes on 350

If you want to make icing take 1 cup of powdered sugar and add a couple teaspoons of corn syrup and a couple teaspoons of water … you can add more corn syrup and less water or just keep adding corn syrup, it’s really up to you. I did one where all I added was maple syrup and that was interesting although you can barely taste the maple over the powdered sugar, but what I learned from this is holy cow does corn syrup ever taste good. As an adult I’ve been in this mentality that corn syrup is the worst and why would you ever eat that and I tasted it for the first time in years and it was like eating caramel for the first time. I think I chugged that stuff when I was a kid and wanted candy because it’s liquid candy. Anyway, what I’m saying is I recommend corn syrup. Even though it comes from corn, which is not recommended.

QotD: Vacations

Filed under: Britain, Humour, Law, Quotations — Tags: — Nicholas @ 01:00

Going on holiday is much more hazardous than it used to be. Squatters have discovered they have an absolute right in law to occupy your house, sleep in your bed, drink all your wine, sodomise your cat and insult the goldfish. If you try and get back into your house, the police will beat you up with truncheons, pull your fingernails out and arrest you under the Vagrancy Act of 1203.

Auberon Waugh, diary entry for 23 July 1975, republished in William Cook, Kiss Me Chudleigh: The World according to Auberon Waugh, 2010.

December 22, 2025

Monday meme-ery

Filed under: Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 10:55

Sorry for the lack of substantive content, folks. I thought I could get a bit of time yesterday to put up a few more posts, but that turned out to be a pipe dream. Just so you won’t feel cheated at finding nothing new here, I’ll take the lazy way and post a few seasonal memes and pretend that’s what I intended to do all along. Just smile and nod and pretend you agree, okay?

QotD: Wine and vegetarianism

Filed under: Food, Humour, Quotations, Wine — Nicholas @ 01:00

I think one of the reasons I have never been seriously tempted by the vegetarian option is that, in my experience, most wines seem to become surly and depressed when they are forced to associate exclusively with legumes, grains, and chlorophyll-based life-forms. Like girls and boys locked away in same-sex prep schools, most wines yearn for a bit of flesh.

Jay McInerney, Bacchus & Me: Adventures in the Wine Cellar.

December 21, 2025

QotD: Renfaires

Filed under: Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

They had spent the day at the Renaissance Festival, and my wife was still shuddering over the event. I did a story on the event almost ten years ago, and while it had its annoying aspects, it was a rather benign and gentle thing. Apparently it’s changed, and now it’s full of louts and Goths and lewdenesse; half-naked Creative Anachronism types happy to unfurl their great white guts for all to see, fleshy snaggle-toothed watermelon-jugged exhibitionists in costumes more appropriate for a bar called The Teatery, theatrical bits full of cheap single-entendres, grim meat-shops that swapped a fiver for a jot of pale stringy meat and an indifferent shrug. All this and ankle-deep mud in the parking lot. At least it’s authentic.

James Lileks, The Bleat, 2005-09-05.

December 16, 2025

A successful tale of clanker adoption by a major organization

Filed under: Business, Humour, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

This is a parody of AI rollout written tongue-in-cheek by Redditor buh2001j. At least, I think it’s a parody. Good god, I hope it’s a parody …

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it “digital transformation.”

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would “10x productivity.”

That’s not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we’d measure the 10x.

I said we’d “leverage analytics dashboards.”

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a “pilot success.”

Success means the pilot didn’t visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured “AI enablement.”

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We’re “AI-enabled” now.

I don’t know what that means.

But it’s in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn’t use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed “enterprise-grade security.”

He asked what that meant.

I said “compliance.”

He asked which compliance.

I said “all of them.”

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a “career development conversation.”

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we “saved 40,000 hours.”

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn’t verify it.

They never do.

Now we’re on Microsoft’s website.

“Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot.”

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He’s never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

“Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction.”

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I’m requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven’t used the first 4,000.

But this time we’ll “drive adoption.”

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I’ll be SVP by Q3.

I still don’t know what Copilot does.

But I know what it’s for.

It’s for showing we’re “investing in AI.”

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we’re serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

-@gothburz

H/T to Andy Krahn for the URL.

Update: The story gets more involved (thanks to Francis Turner for the link):

Wacky Frank and Microsoft just put out a hit piece on me.

The RADICAL and LUNATIC AI Mob is trying to silence me for speaking truth to big tech.

They called it a “press release.”

They said I was fired.

I was not fired.

TOTAL HOAX!

They said I committed fraud.

TOTAL WITCH HUNT.

I committed “strategic storytelling.”

There’s a difference.

I gave them 40,000 hours.

They put it on their website.

They didn’t verify it.

They never do.

Now they’re calling ME the liar?

I learned it from watching them.

47 people opened Copilot.

Out of 4,000.

Those are their numbers.

I just reported them.

Very transparently.

Very beautifully.

They didn’t like the transparency.

They liked the $1.4 million.

$30 per seat per month.

For software that hallucinates.

I had to fix the hallucinations.

I missed my sons baseball game.

My daughters first ballet recital.

So many hallucinations.

Nobody talks about that.

The senior developer asked questions.

I scheduled him for a career development conversation.

Microsoft taught me that.

It’s in the training materials.

Satya is scared.

I exposed the playbook.

The dashboards that mean nothing.

The metrics nobody measures.

The graphs that only go up.

Scott Adams follows me now.

The Dilbert guy.

He said “In a Dilbert world.”

That’s an endorsement.

That’s validation.

Microsoft doesn’t have that.

Microsoft had Clippy.

Microsoft then killed Clippy.

RIP Clippy.

Sill better ROI than Copilot.

In the 90s

The board still loves me.

Eleven minutes to approve.

That’s called trust.

That’s called leadership.

I’m requesting 5,000 more seats.

They’ll approve that too.

The graph will go up and to the right.

It always goes up.

That’s not fraud.

That’s the future.

WITCH HUNT.

SAD!

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