Most of you will have seen the Jean Claude Van Damme Volvo video, but have you seen the Chuck Norris response?
Or for Canadians, the Rob Ford version?
H/T to Christian Tucker for the links.
December 20, 2013
You know you’ve got a viral video when you start getting multiple parodies posted
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The NFC North and the inexplicable Detroit Lions
Remember that highly accurate cartoon Draw Play Dave Rappoccio drew a few weeks ago, showing the true state of the NFC North:
He’s got an expanded version of that up at his site as a full strip, and provides this additional information:
The NFC North is like wacko world these days. The Bears lose Jay Cutler, have a terrible Defense, and then Josh McCown opens up the McOWN ZONE and suddenly the Bears are on top. The Packers lose Aaron Rodgers for the year, tie with Minnesota, have a terrible defense, trot out the likes of Scott Tolzein and Matt “around the league in 80 games” Flynn and they have managed second place and have a chance for the division. The Vikings are a pile of trash with an aging defense and no good option at QB. Yet they just blew out the Eagles. And AP wasn’t even playing. Not even Toby Gerhart was playing.
But the biggest WTF has been the Lions. When Rodgers and Cutler both went down and the Vikings being bad and the Lions in first place, it was like the football gods visited Detroit and said “Here. I’m sick of those cheese mongers in Green Bay. Chicago is overrated. Nobody wants to live in Minnesota. Here Detroit. You never have nice things. have the division. On us. Silver Platter. All you gotta do is win a few games”
And Detroit was like “Nah, I’m good”, then took a big steaming dump and started rolling around in it. They were basically handed the division and are now in third with 2 games left. How can a team with as much talent as the Lions have just crap the bed like this? I know, I know, “Lol lions, lol Detroit” but step back and look at them. They have the best WR in the game. They have a very competent though not elite QB in Stafford, who has stayed healthy. Their defensive line is absurd. Reggie Bush has been doing things. How did this happen?
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December 19, 2013
Reason.tv – 3 Reasons Anchorman 2 is The Most Important Movie of The Year
I didn’t see the original Anchorman, and I may or may not watch the current version, but I do find Nick Gillespie’s arguments to be compelling:
As Anchorman 2, the long-awaited sequel to 2004’s Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, hits theaters, it’s worth pointing out Will Ferrell’s fake newscaster is not just wildly entertaining but hugely instructive in our media-soaked age.
Here are three reasons why Anchorman 2 is already the most important movie of the year.
1. It Foregrounds Media Cliches and Pat Formulas.
When Ron Burgundy and team create ridiculous, over-the-top news features such as “Rip the Lid Off It!,” it’s impossible to ever take a special report or interruption for breaking news uncritically ever again.
2. It (de)humanizes the Production of “News.”
By calling attention to the actual production process of “news” and the often-considerable limitations of the people who make media, the Anchorman franchise underscores that news is invented, not discovered.
3. It Eviscerates the Media’a Hero Complex
Far more than critically acclaimed critiques such as Network, Anchorman brilliantly lampoons the self-importance and deranged egos of media stars.
For these reasons and more — and especially at a time when even venerable media outlets such as 60 Minutes is effectively firing correspondents for inaccurate reports and blatantly sucking up to power — Anchorman 2 and its prequel should be required viewing for everyone who takes media literacy seriously.
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QotD: Blackadder greets Queen Victoria and Prince Albert
Ebenezer Blackadder: Cork it, fatso! Don’t you realise that this is the Victorian Age, where apart from Queen Piglet-Features herself, women and children are to be seen and not heard!
Prince Albert: Queen Piglet-Features!
Ebenezer Blackadder: Yes! “Empress Oink,” us lads call her. The only person in the kingdom who looks dafter than her is that stupid Frankfurter of a husband. “The Pig and the Prig,” we call them. How they ever managed to produce their one hundred and twelve children is quite beyond me. The bed-chambers of Buckingham Palace must be copiously supplied with blindfolds!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol, 1988.
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December 18, 2013
“For a while, I thought it was just Mayor Ford, but what I‘ve realized is Canadians are much, much weirder than any of us had any idea they were”
Uh-oh. I think this Kimmel guy is finally on to us…
It had been a while since the late night talk show hosts zeroed in on Rob Ford, but at least one of them poked fun at the Toronto mayor and city council Tuesday night.
On ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, the host played a video clip of Ford and other councillors dancing during their council meeting earlier in the day.
“What the hell is going on?” asked Kimmel. “Are they all on crack?”
Ford and several councillors danced to a performance by a local jazz trio in a rare moment of fun in what has been a highly charged venue of late.
“One minute they’re yelling at each other and the next they’re dancing all around the room,” joked Kimmel, who added that the “Mayor Ford experience” has been very educational.
“For a while, I thought it was just Mayor Ford, but what I’ve realized is Canadians are much, much weirder than any of us had any idea they were,” joked Kimmel.
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Should the government subsidize silly walks?
Prof. Art Carden has developed some silly walks and is seeking payment for his work. Since he cannot find anyone to pay him voluntarily, perhaps he should apply for a government subsidy for producing silly walks. But while silly walks may benefit society, the fact that people will not pay for their development voluntarily indicates that people do not value silly walks as much as other things people would pay Prof. Carden to do. Are some subsidies valid, though? What about for food? Or for education? How about subsidies for clean energy? Is government assistance definitely better for society? What do you think?
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QotD: Blackadder and Melchet exchange Christmas greetings
Lord Edmund Blackadder: I trust Christmas brings to you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp.
Lord Melchet: Greetings of the season to you, Blackadder! May the Yule log slip from your fire and burn your house down!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol, 1988.
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December 16, 2013
Denunciation generator
If you feel the urgent need to denounce a class traitor or arch imperialist running dog, the site you need to visit is the North Korea Press Release Generator:
Welcome to the North Korea Press Release Generator, which produces random denunciations based entirely upon last week’s official announcement and various other statements put out over the years by the DPRK’s official journalistic organs. You can even denounce your friends, and share news of their imminent execution on Twitter and Facebook! Refresh the page for a fresh official condemnation.
More: the BBC recently published an article explaining why North Korea’s official insults are so over-the-top. I would also be remiss not the point to the pioneering NK Random Insult Generator, created by NK News in 2005.
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December 15, 2013
QotD: Choosing a capital city, Australian style
Australia […] set up a special city just for the national capital. Keep them all in one place, it avoids spreading the contamination.
Partly that’s due to our settlement pattern. Mostly, each state capital is the oldest city in that state, the first point of European settlement. It’s also the largest city in the state (and, to be horribly honest, most other ‘cities’ in each state are really ‘regional centres’, the state capital is pretty much the only show in town.)
So when the states federated to form a nation, there was of course a fight to host the capital. Sydney was the obvious one — the oldest and largest city. Melbourne wanted it because it’s like that irritating little sister who always wants what her big sister has, and the other cities — well, nobody really cared about them anyway.
So, in a wonderful stroke of compromise, they chose a site that is roughly equidistant from Sydney and Melbourne (and set in some of the most boring countryside available). They held a worldwide competition to design the city — Walter Burley Griffin won. Lord knows what lost. It’s a clever plan designed for maximum confusion, condemning some hapless visitors to spending the rest of their lives endlessly circling but never arriving at their destination.
But, as I say, at least it keeps the federal pollies well away from everyone else. Always a plus.
Gwynne Powell, posting to the Lois McMaster Bujold Mailing list (http://lists.herald.co.uk/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/lois-bujold), 2013-12-13
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December 13, 2013
You like cheap beer, dude?
Here’s a cheap beer for you, dude:
DUDE BEER! Finally, a beer for dudes! From Andy:
Dude Beer. Black can, white lettering, simple Dude Beer on the can/box. It’s genius! We drank a shit load of this stuff up in B.C. while telling fucking hosers to TAKE OFF. Yeah, that is “Ugly American” stuff but the Dude was flowing, so I can’t be held accountable.
There needs to be a BRO BEER to go with it, so you can order a bucket of DUDES and BROS at your local Buffalo Wild Wings. Who could drink this with a straight face? It would be like naming a wine YUPPIE. I MUST HAVE IT.
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December 11, 2013
Canada Post to phase out home delivery
I haven’t had home delivery of my mail for the last few decades, but for folks downtown it’s going to be an unwelcome change. The decision forced itself on the crown corporation through the arcane workings of economic reality: it just costs too much money to deliver to those millions of homes (a tweet I forgot to save said it cost over $200 per year for home delivery and just over $100 for communal mailboxes). The news is not going down well with at least one member of the official opposition, as Colby Cosh pointed out in a series of tweets:
It's OK, everybody, you can just switch your business over to one of the other post offices.
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
I love when social democrats do this “@cselley: "Conservatives are destroying Canadians' long-treasured postal services," says Olivia Chow.”
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
If there were a government agency that inserted a bullwhip into your anus twice a week, the NDP would call it "essential" and "cherished".
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
"This heartless government is determined to destroy the Bullwhip Anus service on which so many Canadians have come to rely."
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
"Why are neocons gratuitously attacking our selfless, courageous Bullwhip Anus workers?"
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
Reminder: you are breaking the law if you use a private courier to deliver a letter, at *any* price,that is not "of an urgent nature".
— Colby Cosh (@colbycosh) December 11, 2013
I’ve heard all of these responses many, many times
This was posted to Google+ the other day, and it’s pretty accurate:
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December 8, 2013
An annotated child’s Christmas wish list
Drew Magary got the list of things his daughter wants for Christmas this year. He explains why she’s not getting some of her wishes:
Now I’m the parent and it’s my turn to engage in the futile task of managing my child’s expectations. This is the actual wish list that my daughter, who is 7, handed me a few weeks ago. It’s completely unreasonable and I have no way of explaining this to her without being a dick, or without her thinking I’m pulling some reverse-psychology shit on her. Let’s take a look at this thing, item by item.
[…]
“A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime.” The fuck is this? What am I, Galactus? Do you understand the catastrophic universal implications of possessing a shape-shifting, time-traveling device? Even Rob Gronkowski knows that isn’t to be toyed with. You could turn it into a separate moon any time you like and then the Earth would be fucking DESTROYED by the additional gravitation. You cannot be trusted with this at age 7. If such a thing existed and were affordable, I wouldn’t have children. I would have a SPACE BROTHEL. There’s a reason that we have the laws of physics in place. And you expect this thing to be portable as well? You cannot have this.
“1,000 bucks.” This is Christmas, not an Italian wedding. Uncle Vito isn’t gonna slip you an envelope in between stints at the raw bar. We put thought into our gifts here. You want cash? Clear the spiders out of the attic. I’ll give you three bucks for it. A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.
[…]
“Monster High ear buds.” This is Monster High, and it’s completely fucked. It’s like someone at Mattel held up a market research study and screamed, “Our Barbie dolls aren’t causing as much body dysmorphia in children as they used to! MAKE ME A LINE OF BULIMIC VAMPIRE DOLLS OR YOU’RE ALL FUCKING FIRED.” How are these toys even legal? It’s like handing your child a Steve Madden ad. Anyway, these are cheap, so maybe I’ll get them if you are good. FUN FACT: A child could go on a five-state killing spree and no parent would be heartless enough to actually bail on Christmas presents. The nice list has worse grade inflation than Harvard.
[…]
“A pet puppy. Border collie with a peacesign coller, and a leash.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hell no. Do you see any borders in this house that need patrolling, apart from the bathroom door when Daddy is having his alone time? No. Do you see any sheep that need herding? No. Are you gonna give a shit about walking it or feeding it after, oh, three days? No. All of the work will be left to me. This site says, “Border collies can become aggressive due to fear. … Do not approach or handle your dog suddenly from behind.” Great. Fucking great. That is the exact wrong breed for a human child. Children will sneak up behind dogs and bash a tambourine into their heads because that’s funny. You cannot have this dog.
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December 7, 2013
The NFC North QBs in picture form and “Rudolph the Vikings Tight End”
After seeing several amusing retweets by @ArifHasanDN, I started following @DrawPlayDave for entertaining little things like his pictoral explanation of the quarterbacks of the NFC North and his Twitter Christmas song for Kyle Rudolph:
Rudolph the Vikings Tight End
Had a very bad QB
Ponder was so awful
And he smelled a little like pee
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) December 7, 2013
All of Rudolph's teammates
Would make fun of Christian P
Cause he could never get Rudolph
A good pass for a TD
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) December 7, 2013
Then one cold November day
AP came to say
Rudolph with your skin so white
Block for me let's do this right
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) December 7, 2013
Then Minnesota rejoiced
While they watched them score TDs
And that bad QB ponder
Hung himself from a tree
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) December 7, 2013
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Bohemian Rhapsody: Star Wars Edition
Published on 4 Dec 2013
Press “CC” in the player for the lyrics! Based on “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen and STAR WARS created by George Lucas. Performed by the Star Wars cosplayers of the Arizona geek community!
Produced by the Students and Faculty of the Digital Video Program at University of Advancing Technology in Tempe, Arizona (http://www.uat.edu)
“Star Wars Edition” Lyrics by Stephen Panagiotis, Jamall Richards and Paul DeNigris
“Star Wars Edition” Vocals Produced by Joey Sawhill & Adam Newton
All vocals by Adam Newton
Engineered & Mixed by Joey Sawhill
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