Quotulatiousness

October 22, 2012

Vikings move to 5-2 after ugly win against the Arizona Cardinals

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 08:22

Minnesota hosted the Arizona Cardinals for a barely watchable game yesterday, finishing with a 21-14 score. Neither team could muster much in the way of a cohesive air campaign, although both teams had a 100-yard rusher on the day: Adrian Peterson tied Robert Smith’s team record of 29 100-yard rushing games, while Arizona’s “Hyphen” (LaRod Stephens-Howling) got his career first 100-yarder.

Arizona gave up sacks to Brian Robison (3), Jared Allen (2), Kevin Williams (1) and Antoine Winfield (1), and Harrison Smith got his first career interception which he ran back 31 yards for a defensive touchdown in one of the few highlights of the game. The defence saved the game, but it wasn’t a great team effort even on that side of the ball: sloppy tackling and missed assignments were far too common.

The Vikings’ special teams unit managed just enough to stay competitive, but a bone-headed block-in-the-back negated a Percy Harvin return for a TD at the beginning of the game (to be fair, at regular speed it looked like the Cardinal who was blocked might have been able to get his hands on Harvin).

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October 15, 2012

Vikings lose to Redskins, drop to 4-2 on the season

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 08:16

Another late game that wasn’t available (on non-premium channels, anyway) in my area. It sounds like the RGIII show, from the commentaries:

The Minnesota Vikings got to within 31-26 after Christian Ponder’s second touchdown pass of the day, and after a Jared Allen sack and a short run by Alfred Morris, appeared to have the Washington Redskins right where they wanted them.

Not the case.

On third down, Robert Griffin III took the snap, and started out up the middle of the field. He peeled off to the left, and went completely untouched into the end zone from 76 yards out for a touchdown to make it 38-26 with 2:43 remaining in the fourth quarter.

And The Viking Age agrees:

It was an ugly day for the Vikings in Washington. Ugly on offense. Ugly on defense. Just plain hideous. Where to begin? How about the defense. The Vikes have excelled on that side of the ball during their recent run of wins but today was a total reversal. The run defense had its issues and the pass defense was dismal. Robert Griffin III had all kinds of time to complete passes and found plenty of open receivers. And when Griffin needed a big play to seal the deal he got it with his feet, turning a QB draw into a 67-yard TD.

RG3 played like a star today. For the most part, the Vikings’ defensive players did not. It was a bad day for everyone in the secondary except Antoine Winfield who made some plays early including an interception. The defensive line wasn’t much better. The front four was pushed around all day the by Redskins’ offensive line. Only late in the game when the Vikings were trying to come back did the defense show the spunk we’ve seen from them lately. Except for the RG3 run.

October 13, 2012

A new take on NFL power rankings: the “Lack of Power Rankings”

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 11:25

Scott Feschuk works his magic to ensure that Cleveland comes in first in at least one ranking this year:

Resuming a hallowed and time-honoured tradition that dates back all the way to the beginning of this sentence, we take a break from sucking at football picks to present our Mid-Mid-Season Lack of Power Rankings. Teams are rated from worst to first.

1. Cleveland (0-5) You know who’s having a terrible season so far? God. Defend Him all you like: the Guy is just going through the motions. Come on, God: we’ve seen you torment the Browns for the last eon. TRY SOMETHING NEW.

2. Buffalo (2-3) The Bills are giving up so much yardage so quickly that they’re on pace to break the all-time record set by France in 1940.

3. Jacksonville (1-4) So the NFL has announced that in 2013 it will again be sending Jacksonville over to play a football game in London. Twice more and we’ll be even for them sending us Coldplay.

4. Tennessee (2-4) Despite its win over Pittsburgh, this team is a bigger train wreck than Barack Obama’s debate performance wrapped in NBC’s fall comedies and driven into a tree by Lindsay Lohan.

5. K.C. (1-4) Ladies and gentlemen, the Brady Quinn era is upon us. Lock up your daughters! (Otherwise, they may steal Brady’s job.) On the upside, a few drives should be enough to earn Quinn an ESPY nomination in the category of Best Ryan Leaf Homage.

October 8, 2012

Vikings beat Titans to move to 4-1 record on the season

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 10:33

Just like everyone predicted before the season began, the Vikings are tied at the top of the NFC North with Chicago, both boasting 4-1 records. (Hint: nobody, not even the most rabid Viking fans, were predicting anything like this.) With a comprehensive beat-down of the Tennessee Titans, the Vikings have already won more games this year than they managed in 2011 (it’s the first time they’ve won three games in a row since their huge 2009 run).

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October 1, 2012

Vikings beat Lions 20-13 in Detroit

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 08:17

Minnesota finally broke the longest in-division losing streak in the NFL, having lost 11 straight divisional games up to yesterday’s visit to Ford Field in Detroit. The Vikings never trailed after Percy Harvin took the opening kickoff 105 yards for a touchdown. Later in the game, punt returner Marcus Sherels went 77 yards to score a second special teams TD. Adrian Peterson got his first 100-yard rushing game of the season, and Christian Ponder continued his zero interception streak going for another game (but it was the defence and special teams players who won the game … with a lot of help from Detroit’s butter-fingered wide receiving corps).

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September 30, 2012

The Two Scotts’ NFL picks for the week

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 11:13

I don’t take my NFL picks very seriously, but Scott Feschuk and Scott Reid are as unserious as possible:

San Francisco (minus 4) at New York Jets

Feschuk: […] Now the lockout is over, which is great for football but also a little disappointing. Week 4 brings a whole new slate of games that the replacement officials could have turned into shitshows and I for one was looking forward to seeing what they would do horribly, horribly wrong next. Botch a penalty call? Fail to place the ball on the correct line of scrimmage? Get Chinese food delivered to the red zone? Or maybe this would finally have been the week they called the two tallest players to midfield for a jump ball. […] Pick: San Francisco.

Reid: […] And I was very disappointed indeed when the Vikings put up 146 yards on the ground against my boys in gold. But all things considered, I should have seen this coming. Under the dome in Minny is a tough place to play. The Vikings have an explosive running game. Plus, all year the Niners secondary has been bend, not break. And they got bent a lot in Minnesota (right over the dishwasher as the boys down at the Legion like to say). The good news is that they’ve gotten the boneheaded game plan of the year out of the way nice and early. Here’s a tip Niners: Give Gore more than 12 touches. The Jets are ranked 28th in the league against the run. They couldn’t stop Kat Deeley. Pick: San Francisco.

[. . .]

Seattle (minus 2.5) at St. Louis

Reid: What can you say about the end of Monday night’s game in Seattle that hasn’t already been said by monkeys flinging poop (yes, that means you entire population of Twitter). I’m not suggesting that the Marx Brothers skit passed off as officiating gave the real referees added bargaining leverage but Ed Hochuli demanded that Roger Goodell lovingly massage his biceps each Saturday night as part of any new collective agreement. It’s being called the Absorbine Jr. clause. Lost in all the screeching injustice and flatulent ineptitude was a thoroughly unimpressive offensive effort by Seattle quarterback Frodo Baggins. Russell Wilson is so small he has to stand on a stool to ask Doug Flutie for advice. (For the record, Flutie’s answer to any question is: “I should be starting.”) Wilson threw only nine completions during the game – 10 if you count his pass to MD Jennings. However, there is that defence… Pick: Seattle.

Feschuk: I’ve seen a lot of impressive things in my time – I’ve stood two feet from Angelina Jolie, four feet from Gwyneth Paltrow and right damn next to a Baconator – but I’m not sure I’ve seen anything as impressive as Golden Tate keeping a straight face while telling reporters that, yeah, absolutely, I totally caught that ball in the end zone. Pick: Seattle.

September 25, 2012

QotD: Replacement NFL referees

Filed under: Football, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 10:30

The replacement officials are a mockery wrapped in a travesty, dunked in a vat of incompetence, glazed with WTF and set to the Benny Hill theme song.

Scott Feschuk, “In defence of the replacement officials (Kidding: they’re terrible)”, Maclean’s, 2012-09-25

September 24, 2012

Vikings upset San Francisco 49ers in Minnesota

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 00:01

Lots of bookies are unhappy with the result of Sunday’s game in Minnesota, as the underdog Vikings played a complete game and came out with a big win over the heavily favoured San Francisco 49ers. Tight End Kyle Rudolph came down with two touchdown passes from Christian Ponder, and Ponder scrambled for another TD. Rookie Kicker Blair Walsh set a team record with another 50+ yard field goal to extend his career-opening streak to three games. 1500ESPN’s Tom Pelissero and Judd Zulgad wrap up the game from the Metrodome:

Update: Ted Glover at the Daily Norseman:

God damn it, it may be cheap, and it may be cliche, but this was as solid a team victory as this organization has had in a long, long time. When the offense needed to make a long drive and score, they did. When the defense absolutely, positively, had to get off the field, they did. When the special teams needed a big play, they got one. When Leslie Frazier and the coaching staff needed to dial something up, they did. Honestly, if you can’t get on board after this win, or get pumped up after a victory this convincing, you need to go cheer for another team. I can’t help you. If this was college, and I was handing out helmet stickers, everyone would get one, because this was a great win for this franchise. The Vikings just didn’t beat the 49ers, they flat out kicked their ass.

Kicked. Their. Ass.

September 17, 2012

Vikings amass penalties when they should be amassing points

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 08:42

Follow-up post to yesterday’s Twitter-heavy reaction to another winnable game that the Vikings somehow managed to find a way to lose.

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September 16, 2012

Vikings lose to Indianapolis 23-20

Filed under: Football — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 17:19

The lack of a deep receiving threat was the dog that didn’t bark in Minnesota’s road loss to the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday. Percy Harvin put in a great effort in a losing cause, and (at least statistically: 27 of 35 for 245 yds, 2TDs and a 114.6 passer rating) Christian Ponder did more than enough to win, but few teams can win on the road when you give up a hundred yards in penalties — most of them stupid, avoidable penalties. The score at the halfway point was 17-6, and if anything that flattered the Vikings.

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September 10, 2012

Vikings beat Jaguars 26-23 in overtime

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 08:57

The first half of yesterday’s home opener had all the hallmarks of 2011: miscommunication, bad tackling, poor judgement, and an air of general ineptitude. The game matched up two remarkably similar teams: both led by second-year quarterbacks, both with franchise running backs returning to the game (one from injury, one from a contract dispute), and both desperate to improve on a very disappointing 2011 NFL season.

In spite of the miscues and mistakes, the Vikings kept the game close while the offense tried to get it together. Just before the end of the first half, things started to look positive for the purple, getting on the board with an Adrian Peterson TD (highlights here).

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September 9, 2012

The most boring team in franchise history

Filed under: Football — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 08:57

That’s the opinion of long-time Minneapolis Star Tribune sportswriter Jim Souhan, who seems to be almost disappointed that there isn’t anything to write about this year’s version of the Minnesota Vikings other than, y’know, the actual on-the-field stuff:

Today, Minnesotans face a difficult choice.

What to watch on TV?

The Vikings open the season at the Metrodome against Jacksonville. That’s an option. There’s also “Food For Thought with Claire Thomas.” And a rerun of “My Name is Earl.” And a spicy new drama entitled “Government Access Programming.”

My advice: Avoid the kind of stress and excitement that can lead to myocardial infarction, and choose the Vikings. Your heart will thank you.

This might be the most boring team in franchise history.

This might be the first boring team in franchise history.

Our Vikings know drama. This is the franchise of quarterback controversies and water-borne debauchery. This is the franchise of wacky owners and rampant arrests, like the time Keith Millard told cops that his arms were more powerful than their guns.

This is the franchise that traded hundreds of players and draft picks for Herschel Walker; watched Denny Green issue statements regarding allegations about his behavior from a bunker of unknown location; twice acquired and ditched Randy Moss; landed Brett Favre just in time for him to become famous for texting pictures of his Crocs; had a head coach scalp Super Bowl tickets; and had a starting quarterback coin the term “Slappy” for back-stabbing backups.

September 8, 2012

Split decision from the two Scotts

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 00:10

Scott Reid and Scott Feschuk are doing their weekly NFL picks again this season. To my surprise/shock/horror, they have the Minnesota-Jacksonville game as the “Sure Thing”. Fortunately, they disagree on which “sure thing” is really the “sure thing”:

Jacksonville (plus 3.5) at Minnesota

Reid: You ever notice that Christian Ponder’s Christian name is Christian? Imagine if his surname was Sur. That would totally rock! But here’s my point: Christian Ponder always conjures to my mind the image of a pilgrim. You know, the kind with belt buckles on their hats who casually persecute Indians and run around drowning hysterical teenage girls. They’re better known these days as Republicans. You know what doesn’t come to mind when you’re thinking about Minnesota’s Cotton Mather? Touchdown completions.

Fact is that Ponder is just no damn good. In fact, I don’t think there’s ever been a truly successful Puritan quarterback in the NFL. (Kurt Warner doesn’t count because everyone knows he made a deal with Satan to destroy Trent Green’s career.) But I’ll guarantee you this much: That belt-buckling Christian Ponder is a damn sight better than the Blaine Gabbert Project that’s inexplicably still underway in Jacksonville. MJD may be back but the Jags are going to set the standard for awfulloosity this year in the NFL. Eat the points and don’t worry. Minnesota will win this game by a wide margin. Pick: Minnesota.

Feschuk: Wow, I had no idea Minnesota was going to lose this game until you picked them as your inaugural Sure Thing. Makes sense though: Adrian Peterson is rushing back too quickly from yet another major injury and should be good for maybe five or six carries before he blows out his Achilles or falls down a well. Pick: Jacksonville.

September 5, 2012

Our conflicted feelings about athletes “juicing”

Filed under: Football, Health, Science, Sports — Tags: — Nicholas @ 08:13

In a sport that most people don’t care about unless a local player is doing well internationally (competitive cycling, for example), a scandal over performance enhancing drugs is a good opportunity to make noises about the “purity of the sport” and demand major sanctions against those who cheat. However, as Jim Souhan points out at the Star Tribune, we’re rather good at turning a blind eye to the same thing in sports we care more about:

The advent of the NFL season will provide a respite from sports riddled with performance-enhancing drugs, such as baseball and cycling.

If you can read that sentence without laughing, you are one naive fan.

We know many baseball players cheated in the ’90s and early 2000s, and we know some cheat today. For every Melky Cabrera who gets caught there must be dozens, if not hundreds, who are smart enough to avoid testing positive in a system that is easy to beat.

We know cyclists cheat. The evidence is overwhelming. When Lance Armstrong pretended to take a principled stand by abandoning his legal fight to defend himself, he was avoiding facing public testimony by a squadron of former teammates. Now another former teammate, Tyler Hamilton, has written a book in which he details his own, and Armstrong’s, cheating, and other former Armstrong associates are speaking openly about his PED use.

[. . .]

If Armstrong could avoid testing positive for PEDs while winning the Tour de France seven times, what does that tell us about the National Football League, a sport filled with the biggest, strongest, fastest and most explosive athletes in our society?

That’s right: The NFL must be stuffed with performance enhancers.

The difference is that we don’t care.

September 3, 2012

Vikings 53-man roster

Filed under: Football — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 11:15

It’s been tough tracking the last few names on the roster, as the names at the bottom of the depth chart have been subject to changes as other teams’ players hit the waiver wire. At this time, the Vikings still haven’t finalized their practice squad, still having two open spots to fill Just after I posted this, the Vikings added Kevin Murphy (OL) and Ernest Owusu (DL) to their practice squad roster. This is the roster as of Monday morning:

Position Starter(s) Backups Notes
OL Matt Kalil (R), Charlie Johnson, John Sullivan, Brandon Fusco, Phil Loadholt Geoff Schwartz, Joe Berger, Mark Asper DeMarcus Love, injured reserve
QB Christian Ponder Joe Webb, McLeod Bethel-Thompson Sage Rosenfels, waived
TE Kyle Rudolph John Carlson, Rhett Ellison (R), Alan Reisner  
RB Adrian Peterson Toby Gerhart, Matt Asiata  
FB Jerome Felton    
WR Percy Harvin, Jerome Simpson** Michael Jenkins, Stephen Burton, Jarius Wright (R), Devon Aromashodu  
DL Jared Allen, Kevin Williams, Letroy Guion, Brian Robison Everson Griffen, D’Aundre Reed, Christian Ballard, Fred Evans  
LB Erin Henderson, Jasper Brinkley, Chad Greenway Marvin Mitchell, Tyrone McKenzie, Audie Cole (R), Larry Dean  
CB Chris Cook, Antoine Winfield Marcus Sherels, Brandon Burton, Josh Robinson (R), A.J. Jefferson***  
S Harrison Smith (R), Mistral Raymond Jamarca Sanford, Andrew Sendejo, Robert Blanton (R)  
P Chris Kluwe N/A  
K Chris Walsh (R) N/A  
LS Cullen Loeffler N/A  
Practice Squad Jordan Todman (RB), Bobby Felder (CB), Chase Baker (DT), Tyler Holmes (G), Tori Gurley (WR), Chris Summers (WR), Kevin Murphy (OL), Ernest Owusu (DL)    

* Claimed off waivers from Buffalo.
** Suspended for the first three games of the season: doesn’t count against roster until after that.
*** Acquired in trade with Arizona on Saturday.

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