Quotulatiousness

August 31, 2019

History Summarized: French Empire (Ft. Armchair Historian!)

Filed under: Africa, Americas, Asia, Europe, France, History, Humour, Military — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 30 Aug 2019

Check out the Armchair Historian channel for more on French Vietnam and the battle of Dien Bien Phu: https://youtu.be/IJ051WyUsW8

Dubious morality, drawn out timescales, intricate royal politics, worldwide stages — Colonialism be like that sometimes. And by “Like That” I mean impenetrably complicated. I did my best, I’ll say that, but oh man is history a mess in the 15-1900s. This stuff is the reason I had so much trouble with history for so long. It’s just so DENSE.

ANYWAY, join Blue and Griffin the Armchair Historian for a look into the history of the multiple successive French Empires. Listen carefully as Blue makes imperceptibly subtle commentary about his extremely non-biased opinions on this chapter in history, and laugh together as we analyze the historical significance of Napoleon Bonaparte’s anime hair.

NOTE on 6:14 — I say Napoleon became Emperor in 1802. That’s a mistake. In 1802, the constitution of France was amended to make the position of Consul permanent, but Napoleon did not become the Emperor until 1804, when he declared the French Empire. That’s my bad.

NOTE on 11:25 — French Guiana, on the northeast coast of South America, remained part of France following the decolonization of Africa. That’s a mapping mix-up.

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QotD: Thinning out the book collection

Filed under: Books, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

So out some stuff goes — including boxes and boxes of books. It feels wrong to get rid of books. It feels as though I’m shaving points off my IQ, such as it is. You’re supposed to keep books. You’re supposed to end your days surrounded with stacks and stacks of books, your rich old friends with whom you have spent so many golden hours. Well, most of the books hail from college era, and I really don’t need to keep my German post-war lit paperbacks, especially since most are from leftist authors with a grudging sympathy for the heaven on the other side of the wall. (The wall’s worst sin, if I remember, was aesthetic; its second fault, metaphysical.) Out. Ah: a collection of Tom Sharpe novels. He was a brilliant nasty British comic author who got a big push in the States in the early 80s. It didn’t work. Horrible cartoony covers. They stay. Someday I’ll read them again. The Hite Report: the world’s only Tolstoi-length Penthouse Forum letter. Out. Ah: all my Flashman novels, with the pages coming out. These I keep until they’re reissued. They were un-PC before there was such a thing as PC. I can quote from few novels, really, but I can always remember that line from the first book, in which Flashy recounts his cumulative sexual exploits: I have laid enough cane to build a banister around Hyde Park. Ah: here’s a box of books whose pages have all fused together. Whew. Out.

James Lileks, Bleat, 2004-07-06.

August 26, 2019

QotD: Princesses

Filed under: Humour, Media, Quotations — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

[Princesses] think of themselves as Strong, Independent Women, even while saying “I like a man to open doors and pay for everything — and treat me like a princess!” No, dear, if a man opens doors for you he’s treating you like a simpleton and if he pays for everything, he’s treating you like a hooker. (The crossover between the princess look and the hooker look, as the late Barbara Cartland grotesquely illustrated, is considerable.) And it’s a man knowing that you can be bought with a dinner and a pair of shoes which leads to him so frequently mugging you off — royally — in favour of a better bargain. Back on the pink plastic shelf you go!

How do you spot a Princess? She’ll be keen on pampering to an extent which indicates to the casual onlooker that her natural self must be extraordinarily rank if it takes such effort and expense to keep in check. (Princesses shouldn’t be confused with Professional Beauties, most of whom retain a healthy contempt for the business of exchanging physical gifts for fiscal rewards, from Hedy Lamarr saying “Any girl can be glamorous — all you have to do is stand still and look stupid” to the catwalk models who invariably live in jeans and sneakers after shrugging off the stupid clothes which Princesses pine for.)

The Princess believes that retail therapy is the answer to everything, even though the rest of us avert our eyes from this most obvious manifestation of the essential hollowness of a life that an over-enthusiasm for clothes-shopping invariably indicates in anyone out of their teens. They’ll have long nails, ostensibly to show that they’re ladies of leisure, but signalling to the rest of us that they’re very likely parasites with low sex-drives. They like big weddings — and as a liking for big weddings often goes hand in hand with humourlessness, they often have very short marriages. They are in short practitioners of the Violet Elizabeth Bott school of feminism – less about equal rights and fulfilling one’s potential than about stamping your foot till you get what you want.

They dislike men, seeing them not as flesh-and-blood people so much as platinum-and-titanium meal-tickets, and they mistrust women, seeing them as competition. An ageing Princess is more than likely to end up lonely — and with no life of the mind to comfort her, this loneliness may make her mentally addled at a comparatively young age. Once the sheen is off her skin, the Princess has nothing that would make one seek her out; like a lot of people over-keen on spangles and glitter, they are at heart rather drab people — drains not radiators, personality-wise — who never make things happen or drive things forward but rather wait to be rescued. They tend to find themselves eternally in the passenger seat of their life’s journey, stranded on the hard shoulder with their souvenirs, waiting in vain for hunky help to arrive.

Julie Burchill, “The Princess generation needs to grow up”, The Spectator, 2017-07-18.

August 24, 2019

Remy: All My Loving (Beatles Parody)

Filed under: Economics, Humour, Media, Politics, USA — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 06:00

ReasonTV
Published on 23 Aug 2019

Remy discovers the hysterical, shrieking crowds are here for the entitlements.

Written and Performed by Remy
Produced and Edited by Austin Bragg
Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom
——————

Reason is the planet’s leading source of news, politics, and culture from a libertarian perspective. Go to reason.com for a point of view you won’t get from legacy media and old left-right opinion magazines.

—————-

LYRICS:

Does adulthood dismay you?
Vote me and I’ll pay you
You won’t have to grow up it’s true
All your bills will be paid
Your adulthood delayed
And I’ll give all this money to you

Bob commuted to college
For discounted knowledge
So large debts he would not accrue
Lived at home, did some chores
Now he’ll also pay yours
Cuz I’ll give all his money to you

All this money
You will get from Bob
All this money
If I get this job

All your work wages risen
Your debts all forgiven
Your childcare will be paid for too
Want free parental leave
Just takes one vote for me
And I’ll give all this money to you

All Bob’s money
I will give to you
All Bob’s money
If I win it’s true
All Bob’s money
All Bob’s money
All Bob’s money
I will give to you

August 22, 2019

QotD: Stars of the silver screen

Filed under: History, Humour, Media, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

There have always been gold-diggers – considering the intellectual castration of women historically, it would have been lunacy for bright broads not to attempt to gain wealth by any means necessary. During the Golden Age of Hollywood, they were often the wittiest and warmest onscreen female role models around; ironically, the women who played them were grafters, rarely asking for anything during any of their multiple divorces. There’s a story about Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth and Lana Turner going home early from a Hollywood party to be ready in time for the studio dawn call as a trio of expensive call girls sweep in just getting ready to get started on some serious fun. One of the sex goddesses remarks to the others: “We picked the wrong job!” Of course she was kidding – an ageing hooker has about as much prestige as an ageing racehorse. But there’s something admirably realistic about a gold-digger who knows she’s one.

Julie Burchill, “The Princess generation needs to grow up”, The Spectator, 2017-07-18.

August 21, 2019

Summer Stupidity: GLADIATOR (Media Review!)

Filed under: Europe, History, Humour, Media — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 20 Aug 2019

The first time I saw Gladiator (2000) was in Latin class, and I have maintained since that first viewing that this movie rules.

Just pretend it’s historical fiction and the emperors are named literally anything else, and you’re set.

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August 19, 2019

Cooking With Carrow – Episode 02

Filed under: Food, Gaming, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Zombie Orpheus Entertainment
Published on 11 Jul 2019

“Conjure Milk Raspberry Scones” with Brian Lewis and Christian Doyle, from the recipe by The Gluttonous Geek.

August 17, 2019

History Summarized: Malta

Filed under: Architecture, Britain, Europe, France, History, Humour, Middle East, Military, WW2 — Tags: , , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 16 Aug 2019

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Malta, the Island of A Dozen Empires, chilling in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, is one of the most social butterflies in History. Having played host to or fought against every major power in the Mediterranean, this island bears a gorgeous architectural and linguistic record of its past, and is still a treasure to behold in the modern day. I’ve covered a lot of nations and empires in my time here, but between the rich cultural blends, the overflowing artistic treasures, and the Still-In-One-Piece-ness of it all, Malta may have one of the strongest claims to being the Winner of History in my book. What’s so special about Malta? Watch and find out!

NOTE on 7:00 – 7:08 — I’m cheating the time-scales a little here. This church, the Rotunda of Mosta, was actually built mid 1800s. Malta’s lavish church construction continued nearly unabated from C. 1565 to the modern day, so I use this example here — but St Paul’s Co-Cathedral in Valletta, shown from 6:27-6:33 is a better example of pure original Baroque construction. Honestly, all of the churches in Malta deserve a look if you’re curious.

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QotD: Bridal traditions

Filed under: Business, Europe, Humour, Italy — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

The soap bottle had another claim. “Blue Lavender Essence Lore: Brides in Italy perfumed their wedding clothes with lavender in order to calm their prenuptial jitters”

Left unspoken: Didn’t do jack. You’d think the Brides in Italy would have figured this out in short order, eh? “Here, my child. Soak your dress in lavender. It will calm your nerves.” Did it work for you, mama? “No, I spent the morning sobbing and throwing up in rank terror, since I had only met your father the previous night, and he had the breath of cheese far gone with mold. But this is what we do, for we are superstitious peasants whose worldview is derived not from empirical observation of the world, but sage wisdom Grandmama got from her great-grandmama. Now put these grape stems up your nose so your first-born will be a boy.”

James Lileks, Star Tribune, 2004-05-24.

August 14, 2019

Summer Stupidity: Hercules 2014 (Media Review!)

Filed under: Europe, Greece, History, Humour, Media — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 13 Aug 2019

“I’ve seen The Rock act before and he’s really fun and charismatic! Surely this movie starring him will be a Good Time!” I thought, foolishly.

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August 13, 2019

Titania McGrath reviews the very best show at the Edinburgh Fringe this year

Filed under: Britain, Humour, Politics — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

It is, of course, her own show:

There are over 2,000 shows at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, but only one that is really worth seeing. Titania McGrath’s Mxnifesto is a tour de force of political oratory that is unlikely to be surpassed in my lifetime. I have seen every single performance, except for the nights I’ve had off (usually when my self-diagnosed PTSD has flared up), and its cultural significance is indisputable. I’d go so far as to suggest that the Edinburgh Fringe should cease after this current year, given that its purpose has now surely been fulfilled.

I was warned against writing this piece. Apparently, it is frowned upon to write a review for your own show. I consider this yet another attempt to silence women’s voices by the forces of heteronormative patriarchy. Why should I, as a proud independent woman, not proclaim my own worth? I will not bend the knee to swaggering males who seek to oppress me with their “opinions”. I will not seek permission before declaring my own genius. Mxnifesto is a fucking masterpiece and I am only awarding it five stars because to give it six it might seem arrogant.

As one walks into the auditorium at the Pleasance Above, a charming little theater space that emphasizes McGrath’s humility, there is a collective tremble of anticipation among the crowd. After all, McGrath has a reputation not only for her wisdom, but also for her righteous anger. Like Joan of Arc, she has successfully fought for justice against incredible odds. But unlike Joan of Arc, she didn’t make the stupid mistake of getting herself burned to death in the process.

From the program description:

Titania McGrath is a radical intersectionalist poet committed to feminism, social justice and armed peaceful protest. As a millennial icon on the forefront of online activism, Titania is uniquely placed to explain to you why you are wrong about everything and how to become truly woke. “The latest genius twist in Britain’s long tradition of satirical spoof” (Daily Express). “Outrageous and hilarious” (Irish Independent). “Brilliant” (Daniel Sloss). “Titania McGrath is a genius” (Spectator). “Hilarious… perfectly captures the joyless tone of the woke Stasi” (Times). “Lampooning the language of social justice is a cheap shot” (Observer).

August 6, 2019

QotD: Sheep and goats

Filed under: Australia, Britain, Cancon, Humour, Quotations, USA — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

… the major English-speaking countries of the world (England, the USA, and to a lesser extent because of their longer history as colonies, Canada and Australia (no, New Zealand isn’t “major” yet, but it’s getting there)) have tended to be more inclined to view their people as citizens who can make their own decisions in most things than as subjects who need to be told what to do. Despite the depredations of power-hungry bureaucrats and politicians, all these nations are still in many ways more free than almost the entirety of the rest of the world. None of us have official bodies telling us what words we can use or what the proper spelling of new words is.

It’s the little things like this that point to the mindset under them. Or as Pratchett memorably put it in Small Gods: “Sheep are stupid and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.” European nations treat their people like sheep. The USA treats its people more like goats, although the would-be shepherds keep pushing. Pratchett did not add that trying to drive goats will often earn the would-be driver a kick in the nadgers, but it’s worth remembering. Because Americans are goats. We can be led by the right people for the right reasons. Try to drive us, and you will find your family jewels suffering.

Kate Paulk, “The Difference Between Citizens And Subjects”, Kate Paulk, 2017-07-17.

August 4, 2019

History Summarized: Scotland

Filed under: Britain, History, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 2 Aug 2019

Go to http://www.audible.com/overlysarcastic or text OVERLYSARCASTIC to 500500 to get a free audiobook, 2 free Audible Originals, and 30-day free trial.

Put on your Kilt and grab some bagpipes, it’s time to talk about Scotland! From the earliest beginnings to the modern day, the Scots have had a fiercely independent attitude, and are absolutely willing to fight about it — several times, in fact.

Fun fact about Kilts, I couldn’t fit this in the video anywhere, but basically Scots used to wear these big complicated vaguely-toga-like wraps of tartan plaid starting in the Renaissance, but in the 1720s one guy said “This is too complicated, take the top part off but keep the bottom half and just attach it with a belt — and behold, the Kilt as we know it was born.

FURTHER READING: Scotland, A Concise History — https://www.amazon.com/Scotland-Conci…

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From the comments:

Overly Sarcastic Productions
1 hour ago (edited)
Blue: Spends two weeks researching, writing, and producing a video about Scottish History
Also Blue: USES THE WRONG FUCKING FLAG
Rest assured, everybody, I’m veritably mortified by how badly I messed that up.
-B

July 27, 2019

QotD: Ban roses!

Filed under: Environment, Humour, Quotations — Tags: — Nicholas @ 01:00

Be honest: the roses one encounters in daily life are, mostly, hideous. Think of the colors: syphilitically inflamed orange, or highlighter-pen salmon, or nylon pink, or overripe-banana yellow. How often have you bent to smell a neighbor’s rose, ready to snort up a lungful of Turkish-delight deliciousness, only to discover no scent at all? The names, too — Newly Wed, Scentimental, Golden Smiles, Admiral Rodney, Bright ‘n’ Breezy — put breeders of pedigree dogs to shame. But worst of all is the plant itself: drab little leaves, plagued with leprous brown spots or grazing aphids; prickled shoots whipping in the wind above gnarled, charmless trunks. And no one knows how to prune them. Invariably either overdisciplined or scrubby, viciously trained into a municipal pygmy or as amateurishly hacked at as a young porcupine with a home haircut, the vast majority are tragic shadows of the perfect rose in its ruffled, scented bounty.

What’s more, they are dangerous. Which other common garden plant requires one to wear chainmail to perform the simplest tying-in, sharpened secateurs for ceaseless deadheading, a full hazmat outfit in which to spray it with the toxins required to keep it pretty? Haven’t you heard the stories of gardeners who, after a single rose-thorn puncture, lost an arm, or more? Would you keep a shark in your front yard? Precisely.

Charlotte Mendelson, “Let’s Ban Roses”, The New Yorker, 2017-06-21.

July 24, 2019

Summer Stupidity: COPENHAGEN (City Review!)

Filed under: Europe, Food, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 06:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published on 23 Jul 2019

It’s Copenhagen time! Hop on your bike and ride around one of Europe’s fanciest cities.

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