Quotulatiousness

August 25, 2009

Now I have seen everything

Filed under: Humour, Wine — Tags: — Nicholas @ 22:00

Visited the local outlet mall north of Zelienople today. In one of the stores was this fascinating wine:

PennsylvaniaBurgundy

Yep. It’s a Pennsylvania “Burgundy” — made of hybrid grapes — in a “Bordeux” style (the image doesn’t quite let me determine if Bordeaux was actually misspelled, but I thought it was).

For the vast majority of you who are not wine snobs, “Burgundy” is a reserved term for wine made exclusively with the Pinot Noir grape, and grown, pressed, and vinified in the French region of Bourgogne (aka Burgundy in English). “Bordeaux” is also a reserved term for wines grown in the region around the city of Bordeaux in southwestern France, using a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Merlot, Petit Verdot, and/or Malbec grapes. None of these grapes are considered “hybrid”.

I didn’t dare taste it.

August 19, 2009

QotD: The annual Beloit College Mindset List

Filed under: Education, History, Humour, Quotations — Nicholas @ 12:12

If the entering college class of 2013 had been more alert back in 1991 when most of them were born, they would now be experiencing a severe case of déjà vu. The headlines that year railed about government interventions, bailouts, bad loans, unemployment and greater regulation of the finance industry. The Tonight Show changed hosts for the first time in decades, and the nation asked “was Iraq worth a war?”

Beloit College, 2009-08-18

ONN reports on President Obama’s Bipolar Disorder

Filed under: Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 10:43


White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase

August 17, 2009

QotD: The perils of being a retail customer

Filed under: Humour, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 03:38

Of course, it’s entirely possible I was simply bored. Numbingly bored after meetings with financial planners over the preceding two days and being forced to repeatedly use the, impossibly awkward to enunciate, word arithmetic to correct suggestions from across the table that mathematics was in some way directly relevant to my cash flow model questions which arise when considering any investment model strategy. Then again, maybe I just wanted to be recklessly adolescent in that rather staid, middle aged, considered manner one does when one throws their Infinity VISA card at the clerk who a moment ago was convinced you were invisible and who then has to dispel his anxiety over whether or not you are going to hit him up for spare change or a smoke, maybe with an offer to squeegee his cash register monitor or, in exchange for a 10% discount, offer to blow him over there behind the flat panel 1080p display.

Such moments, me the cash — them the goods, remind me why I hate being a consumer. “Hey, Buddy! It’s money. My money. Take it. Take it!” You’d think, by now, Sony would know that the only reasonable outcome to expect from hanging a crisp white shirt and Windsor knot tied tie on a monkey is only slightly better than, well, a perhaps well dressed monkey dressed well. “Buddy! Wake up. Can’t you stop grinding that organ for one second?” But, even dressed up, it’s just a monkey which can’t seem to speak intelligently to confirm information and facts I’ve already fully digested from online product reviews and support documents. “Can’t we skip a beat to do things a little different this time? How about you agree to take your hand off your organ long enough to take my money. That’s it, Buddy. A little closer, now. Sorry?” What’s my monkey up to now? “Of course I don’t want to buy an extended monkey warranty. Do I look totally bananas to you?” I’m more certain than ever before the monkeys were different when I was young. “Hey! Don’t lick my credit card. Stop that.” Stupid monkey. “And I expect you to wash it before handing it back to me.”

Dark Water Muse, “The Stupid Monkey (or ‘Why it sucks to be a consumer’)”, Dark Water Musings, 2009-08-09

August 12, 2009

Even more “rejected from the App Store” tales

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 00:26

Lore Sjoberg joins all the other sad-sack would-be iPhone/iPod Touch developers, having had all of his application rejected by those capricious Apple gatekeepers:

I, myself, have submitted several applications to the iPhone Developer Program, and have been rejected every time. I think if you look over my list of apps and the supposed reasons for their rejection, you’ll see that Apple’s decisions are pure whimsy, drawn up from the whimsy mines deep beneath the company’s headquarters in sunny Cupertino, California.

Low-Fat Chicken Breast Recipe Book
Apparently, Apple can’t even handle the word breast, because it rejected this app, which is nothing more than a guide to cooking healthful, delicious, boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Each recipe comes with detailed instructions and a helpful video showing the dish being prepared by a naked porn star.

[. . .]

Steal Me!
This handy app uses motion detection to determine when your iPhone has been set down for three minutes or more, at which point it begins to yells a recorded message: “Steal me! Just grab me and run! You can get a hundred bucks or so, easy! Spend it on drugs! Anyone who buys an iPhone has too much money anyway! Go for it!” I have no idea why Apple rejected this app, but I suspect the company is working on its own version and didn’t want the competition.

August 4, 2009

Libertarian paradise

Filed under: Africa, Humour, Liberty — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:25

Just in case you think that anarchy is great, here’s visual evidence to back up your theories:

August 1, 2009

Tweet of the day: Casablanca, musically speaking

Filed under: Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 12:05

“In Casablanca, the Marseillaise does eventually drown out Die Wacht am Rhein. But one does notice how well they go together…” Colby Cosh

July 28, 2009

Did James Lileks like The Watchmen?

Filed under: Books, Humour, Media — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 12:23

One quote from a fascinating take-down:

. . . it’s a sign of the movie that leaving in the giant squid would have made it less ridiculous.

Haven’t seen the movie myself, although Victor said he liked it.

July 26, 2009

QotD: Over-eager fans

Filed under: Books, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 09:14

Whoever asked “What’s next?” Note that I just finished the book on Tuesday.

There are people who inquire brightly of new mothers, as they are being wheeled out of the delivery room, “So, when are you going to have another?” These people would deservedly be in want of their kneecaps, if only the mothers could get up.

Lois McMaster Bujold, posting to the Bujold mailing list, 2009-07-26

July 24, 2009

QotD: Government waste

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Humour, Quotations — Tags: — Nicholas @ 16:01

For the people in government, rather than the people who pester it, Washington is an early-rising, hard-working city. It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

P.J. O’Rourke, “The Winners Go to Washington, D.C.”, Parliament of Whores, 1991

July 20, 2009

I’ve always been really bad with names

Filed under: Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 20:42

. . . so this xkcd webcomic really hits me where I live:

Difficulties with remembering names

For those of you who don’t normally read xkcd . . . hover over the image: the hidden joke is often as good (or better) than the one in the base comic.

July 18, 2009

Not for Ayn Rand fans

Filed under: Books, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 12:10

Brian Doherty links to this totally unfair and hilariously funny flowchart on how to succeed as an Ayn Rand character.

True Randians will find that “red curtain of blood” descending by step 5 . . .

They’re publishing a magazine just for me!

Filed under: Humour, Science — Tags: — Nicholas @ 11:45

Radley Balko sent this link through Twitter:

VagueScientist

This is a magazine directed at my precise demographic!

July 17, 2009

eBay sellers hidden profit source?

Filed under: Economics, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 12:24

Jon, my virtual landlord, has had a love-hate relationship with eBay for a while. This morning, the “love” phase seemed short and under-used:

Bought a magazine yesterday. Four bucks. Seemed like a good deal. Auction notes that out-of-USA losers should ask for an invoice to get their shipping rate. Thinking that shipping would be, oh, I don’t know, another four bucks or so, I figured what the hell, and use the Get Reamed Up The Ass Now button to buy the thing.

Shipping?

Twelve bucks.

Frig.

Thinking that this was, perhaps, a one-time thing — just a spot of bad luck — I looked around today for another book that I would like to have. Found the book. Brand-new reprint of a rather old book for twenty bucks. Again, a decent deal. Shipping to Canada? Twenty. Two. Dollars. So, no book for me.

No wonder there’s a recession, the dumb wankers.

Speaking of wankers: I took at look at the new Schwarz plane book and thought “what the hell.” So I started the online ordering process. Shipping to Canada for the book and a set of DVDs (on a topic that shall remain nameless)? Thirty. Two. Dollars. Cap-and-trade this, wood-boy. I did not proceed with the order.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

Humph.

I’ve found some eBay sellers like this: they seem to feel that the extra labour of filling in a customs sticker requires them to make a profit of 2-3 times the actual cost of shipping. After getting burned that way once, I’ve always been careful to check shipping costs before bidding.

When I requested Jon’s permission to use his email on the blog, he replied with this:

I guess so. What I sent is not nearly as memorable as the first draft, though. I originally had something in there about how, after Obama nationalizes their health care, I hope the eBayers all get scrofula and schistosomiasis and itch for the rest of their lives; but then I looked up scrofula and schistosomiasis to confirm the spelling and decided that wishing those on anyone, no matter how much they distend my rectum with their take-it-up-the-ass shipping rates (Rectum?! Damn near killed him!), was just a bit over the top.

(Cross-posted to the old blog, http://bolditalic.com/quotulatiousness_archive/005593.html.)

How addicted to the internet are you?

Filed under: Humour, Technology — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 12:22

Lore Sjoberg provides you with an easy checklist to discover how bad your addiction may be:

If the ancient Egyptians had the internet, there would have been 11 plagues in Exodus, with “unreliable DSL” tucked in between the frogs and the lice.

It’s a pain when your DSL goes down, but the bright side is that it gives you a chance to rate yourself on the Internet Dependency Scale. Just compare your actions to those listed below and you’ll know what sort of pathetic digital symbiont you really are.

Stage 1 Internet Dependency

Immediate reaction: Check the wires, see if you can steal a neighbor’s Wi-Fi, then get up and do something else.

What you do while waiting for the connection to come back: Read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk. Is this a trick question?

If it doesn’t come back in an hour: Call your service provider, then go back to whatever you were doing.

(Cross-posted to the old blog, http://bolditalic.com/quotulatiousness_archive/005592.html.)

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