This is exactly the kind of experience I was having before I retired: painfully extended online application process, complete with re-entering pretty much everything in my resumé in their preferred format (but without the impromptu video pitch, thank goodness) followed almost instantly by rejection. In the vast majority of cases, no human being was ever even aware of my application:
“Help Wanted” by dreamsjung is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 
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I spent 4 hours yesterday updating my resume to apply for a mid-level PM role.
The listing said they wanted someone with 10 years of experience in a software that was invented 4 years ago.
I clicked apply and was immediately redirected to a third-party portal that asked me to upload my resume, which I did.
Then it asked me to manually type in every single detail of the resume I had just uploaded.
Why did I upload it if I have to type it again?
Is the uploaded PDF just a ceremonial offering to the HR gods?
I spent 40 minutes breaking down my career history into tiny mandatory text boxes.
The portal required me to list a start and end date for every job, but the calendar widget wouldn’t let me type the year.
I had to click the back arrow month by month to get to 2002.
My wrist started cramping somewhere around 2018.
Then it asked for my high school GPA.
I’m 44 years old.
I don’t even remember the name of my high school mascot, let alone my proficiency in AP European History.
After the history lesson, came the behavioral assessment.
It presented me with 75 statements and asked me to rate them from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree.”
One statement was “I prefer to work alone but also thrive in team environments.”
That is a paradox.
I’m being asked to evaluate a philosophical contradiction by a recruiting algorithm.
I just clicked “neutral” for everything out of spite.
The final step was a mandatory video cover letter.
I had to record a one-minute pitch explaining why my core values align with a B2B SaaS company that sells inventory management software.
My core value is being able to afford groceries and paying my internet bill on time.
I put on a dress shirt over my sweatpants, stared into my webcam, and lied for 60 seconds.
I said I’ve always been profoundly passionate about supply chain optimization.
Nobody is passionate about supply chain optimization.
I clicked submit and immediately received an automated rejection email.
The timestamp said it was sent zero seconds after I applied.
I was evaluated and deemed unworthy by a line of code at the speed of light.
Next time I’m just going to wrap my resume around a brick and throw it through their office window.
A very old friend and one-time business partner, who is Black, says he keeps a “job search” phone seperate. When something shows up on LinkedN, he’ll call and push until he reaches the human in charge of HR. The moment he hears sing-song Indian, he hangs up and looks somewhere else.
Comment by Clayton Barnett — June 2, 2026 @ 03:36
Why bother with a brick when these corporate geniuses are already so committed to suicide. I saw this with Total Quality Management and the requisite Myers-Briggs anal smoke bellow. Then came the Agile religion… and now here we are bowing our heads to AI products that have all of the qualities of the boss’s semi-retarded son; smart enough to impress, but is the ultimate bullshitter producing results that must always be scrutinized. Yeah, dumbasses – that’s a real productivity booster. So my guess is that their applicant screening process has simply been made more efficient using AI. You should applaud.
Comment by Mike Porter — June 2, 2026 @ 14:34
I entered the “professional” side of the working world in 1988. I was surprised at how susceptible even the biggest of organizations were to slick snake-oil salesmen selling psychological bags of tricks disguised as overarching business strategies. Every five years or so, the directors and VPs of whatever company I was working for would all suddenly switch direction like a shoal of fish to follow the new hotness in business and worship the new gurus.
Comment by Nicholas — June 2, 2026 @ 16:23