Quotulatiousness

February 27, 2021

Overwhelming video game tutorials – Combat Tips

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Viva La Dirt League
Published 25 Nov 2020

When a game tries to give you all the tutorials at once

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QotD: What the instructions in Haynes manuals really mean

Filed under: Books, Britain, Humour, Quotations, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Haynes: Should remove easily.
Translation: Will be corroded into place … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles! … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7 …
Translation: That’ll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry …
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into …

Haynes: Undo …
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).

Haynes: Ease …
Translation: Apply superhuman strength to …

Haynes: Retain tiny spring …
Translation: “Crikey what was that, it nearly had my eye out”!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb …
Translation: OK — that’s the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.

Do it by the book — the real meaning of Haynes instructions.

February 26, 2021

QotD: “What have the Romans ever done for us?”

Filed under: History, Humour, Media, Middle East, Quotations — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

REG: They’ve bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers’ fathers.

LORETTA: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.

REG: Yeah.

LORETTA: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.

REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!

XERXES: The aqueduct?

REG: What?

XERXES: The aqueduct.

REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.

COMMANDO #3: And the sanitation.

LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?

REG: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.

MATTHIAS: And the roads.

REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads–

COMMANDO: Irrigation.

XERXES: Medicine.

COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh…

COMMANDO #2: Education.

COMMANDOS: Ohh…

REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

COMMANDO #1: And the wine.

COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah…

FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.

COMMANDO: Public baths.

LORETTA: And it’s safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.

FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let’s face it. They’re the only ones who could in a place like this.

COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

XERXES: Brought peace.

REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979.

February 22, 2021

QotD: Modern academic “life”

Filed under: Education, Humour, Quotations, USA — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

The point of all this isn’t just more academia-bashing (fun as that is, and thank you Jesus for early retirement). The point is: Life deals people bad hands. Many, perhaps most, of the people I know in academia are there because they really can’t do anything else — a combination of (as they feel it) genes and circumstance has landed them there, and while it looks like a really cushy upper-middle-class life materially, spiritually it’s the pits, because it’s aesthetically awful. The Classical Greek adage that the Good is the True is the Beautiful might not be factually accurate, but it sure feels right …

… and never more than to people who know themselves un-beautiful, therefore not good, therefore false, and locked in it. Forever.

These people hate us, not because we’re better looking, more socially skilled, or whatever — this is, after all, the Internet — but because we’ve got options. We’re not all fighting over who gets to be Big Fish in an ever-shrinking pond. We’re different things to different people; we haven’t collapsed our social context down to faculty mixers and the one or two non-hamplanet grad students who are silly enough to apply each semester. We can go days, maybe even weeks, without obsessively comparing ourselves to our peers. We don’t care that we’re not “Chad” or “Stacy,” because we’ve got other settings on the emotional dial than “smugness” and “jealousy.”

But we need to start caring. I don’t mean getting obsessive over our appearance. I mean that, since this is in many ways an aesthetic battle, aesthetics will help us win. I half-jokingly suggested a “Normal Guy Uniform” a while back – an all-white ball cap with the New England Patriots’ logo on it. I’m not really kidding now. The Left wins, in large part, because they’re fugly losers that no normal person could possibly consider a threat … until they bash your skull in, or get you fired, or send a SWAT team to your house.

Severian, “Politics for Fugly People”, Rotten Chestnuts, 2018-08-24.

February 21, 2021

QotD: Journalism

Filed under: Humour, Media, Quotations, USA — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits — a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 1972.

February 20, 2021

History Summarized: South Africa

Filed under: Africa, Britain, Europe, History, Humour — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 19 Feb 2021

In the past few centuries, few corners of the African Continent were quite as busy as the south. It’s a winding river from the first migrations and waves of colonists in the Cape Colonies to the Rainbow Nation we know today, so let’s dive in and see how it all played out!

SOURCES & Further Reading for Black History Month:
— The African Experience From ‘Lucy’ to Mandela From the Great Courses Plus, lectures 15-18 “South Africa: The Dutch Cape Colony & The Zulu Kingdom & Frontier and Unification & Diamonds and Gold”, 26 “Segregation and Apartheid in South Africa”, and 32 “The South African Miracle”

— Born A Crime by Trevor Noah: https://bookshop.org/books/born-a-cri…​
— Home Team History is a YouTube channel covering all corners of the African continent. They have several videos about Southern Africa, such as “A History of Stone Architecture in Southern Africa” (https://youtu.be/0U4Wu3CmL0U​) and “Southern Africa: The Birthplace of Iron Mining” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9HO0…​), and “A history of the Xhosa People” (https://youtu.be/axajPiZnDqo​)
— Lastly, looking to modern times, it’s important to recognize how the COVID crisis has exacerbated massive preexisting disparities between healthcare for Black and minority communities and that of white Americans. It’s not enough to just acknowledge history, we all have a responsibility to understand modern problems and work on solutions. Read more: (https://www.scientificamerican.com/ar…​) and please consider Donating to support the NAACP’s COVID relief programs: (https://naacp.org/coronavirus/coronav…​)

With special thanks to the members of our discord community who helped polish my script: Holben, Klieg, Good Hunter, and Sticc (who has a History of Africa podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/…​)

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QotD: The Infantry

Filed under: Britain, Humour, Military, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

The infantry do not have a single capbadge, they are described as a single capbadge but they all have different badges, lots and lots of them. Due to amalgamations and drawing down they are merged and start using new ones. One day they will be merged into the Royal Corps of Infantry.

The infantry (note not “infanteers” as they really hate that) are the actual troops who stand toe-to-toe with the enemy and bayonet them in the face. Boots on the ground, their job is to be pointed at the bad guys and go wreck it. They may get delivered in various ways including aircraft, boat, ship or their own vehicles, but same job: “infantry go smash”. Can be identified by neck tattoos, traditions that the Victorians would think are dated, officers wear faded red trousers and soldiers fight each other on Friday nights.

Combat Boot, “So, ‘capbadges’, what’s that all about then?”, combatboot.co.uk, 2020-11-13.

February 14, 2021

History’s Best(?) Couples — Valentine’s Day Special

Filed under: China, Europe, France, History, Humour — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 5 Feb 2021

Celebrate Valentine’s Day with a look at some of the best couples in history. Well, “Best” is a stretch — definitely most entertaining — but the pairings on display today are FAR from healthy. Enjoy the slow descent into insanity that is “Me Discussing These Stories”.

SOURCES & Further Reading: Suetonius’ Twelve Caesars, Plutarch’s Parallel Lives: Julius Caesar, China: A History by John Keay, “Song of Everlasting Sorrow” by Bai Juyi, Smithsonian Magazine & Biography.com entries on Marie Antoinette & Louis XVI.

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Shakespeare Summarized: A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Filed under: Humour, Media — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 27 Feb 2014

Finally, a summarized comedic romance! And it was almost out in time for Valentine’s Day, when it would have been legitimately appropriate to release!

…I’m making progress, guys. Cut me some slack. 😛

Midsummer Night’s Dream is one of Shakespeare’s best plays. And nobody died this time! What a twist!

February 13, 2021

Miscellaneous Myths: Hades and Persephone

Filed under: Europe, Greece, History, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 12 Feb 2021

You asked, I’ve answered! Today let’s discuss greek mythology’s most beloved AND most maligned relationship — but which reputation is truly deserved? You all know where *I* stand on the matter, but today I’ll do my best to justify my hot take that Hades And Persephone Is Romantic Actually.

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QotD: Haynes guide to tools of the trade

Filed under: Books, Britain, Humour, Quotations, Technology, Tools — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is nowadays used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

MOLE-GRIPS/ADJUSTABLE spanner: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake-drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16″ or 1/2″ socket you’ve been searching for for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls in about the time it takes you to say, “F….”

Do it by the book — the real meaning of Haynes instructions.

February 12, 2021

QotD: Repartee

Filed under: France, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Clever banter can only be called “repartee” if it’s from the Repartée region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling wit.

Daniel Hannan, Twitter, 2020-11-06.

February 10, 2021

QotD: Wells’s Rules of Canadian Politics

Filed under: Cancon, Humour, Politics, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

There have been questions about my Rules of Politics around here in the last few days. Okay, not a lot of questions, but still. Here is the full list of rules. About a year after I came up with the original two, I added two more, which was probably a mistake. Sometimes I come up with candidates for additions to the list, and here today I will reveal one I considered adding, before deciding against it. But I think it’s time to show a little discipline, so the canonical list will stop at four. Four shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be four. Ready?

1: For any given situation, Canadian politics will tend toward the least exciting possible outcome.

2: If everyone in Ottawa knows something, it’s not true.

3. The candidate in the best mood wins.

4. The guy who auditions for the role of opposition leader will get the job.

Paul Wells, “Wells’s Rules, annotated”, Maclean’s, 2009-05-21.

February 9, 2021

History Summarized: Alexander the Great

Filed under: Europe, Greece, History, Humour, Middle East, Military — Tags: , , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 04:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 19 Sep 2017

Linguistically speaking, Alexander means “Defender of Men” from the Greek “alexo“, defend, and “aner/ander“, man. I’ll never be able to not internally think of his name as just meaning “Alex-Man”.

Oh, yeah, also he conquered an empire or something? IDK. I stopped paying attention after his bland name.

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January 29, 2021

Ancient Aryans: The History of Crackpot N@zi Archaeology

Filed under: Europe, Germany, History, Humour, Science, WW2 — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Atun-Shei Films
Published 22 Nov 2019

Thanks to Indiana Jones, everybody knows that German archaeologists in the 1930s were searching for occult ancient artifacts … but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In this educational video, I explore how the N@zis turned the discipline of prehistoric archaeology into a cog in their propaganda machine, and how their crazy conspiracy theories about lost civilizations continue to haunt us to this day.

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