Quotulatiousness

June 30, 2021

QotD: The Yorkist pretenders

Filed under: Britain, History, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

English History has always been subject to Waves of Pretenders. These have usually come in small waves of about two — an Old Pretender and a Young Pretender, their object being to sow dissension in the realm, and if possible to contuse the Royal issue by pretending to be heirs to the throne.

Two Pretenders who now arose were Lambert Simnel and Perkin Warbeck, and they succeeded in confusing the issue absolutely by being so similar that some historians suggest they were really the same person (i.e. the Earl of Warbeck).

Lambert Simnel (the Young Pretender) was really (probably) himself, but cleverly pretended to be the Earl of Warbeck. Henry VII therefore ordered him to be led through the streets of London to prove that he really was.

Perkin Warbeck (the Older and more confusing Pretender) insisted that he was himself, thus causing complete dissension till Henry VII had him led through the streets of London to prove that he was really Lambert Simnel.

The punishment of these memorable Pretenders was justly similar, since Perkin Warmnel was compelled to become a blot on the King’s skitchen, while Perbeck was made an escullion. Wimneck, however, subsequently began pretending again. This time he pretended that he had been smothered in early youth and buried under a stair-rod while pretending to be one of the Little Princes in the Tower. In order to prove that he had not been murdered before, Henry was reluctantly compelled to have him really executed.

Even after his execution many people believed that he was only pretending to have been beheaded, while others declared that it was not Warmneck at all but Lamkin, and that Permnel had been dead all the time really, like Queen Anne.

W.C. Sellar & R.J. Yeatman, 1066 And All That, 1930.

June 29, 2021

History Summarized: Rise of Islam

Filed under: History, Humour, Middle East, Religion — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 16 Nov 2016

Note to viewers: This video contains images of the *Blue Mosque* in Istanbul, which is Not the Hagia Sophia. The Hagia Sophia was a church, later converted into a mosque, but the Blue Mosque, which, to be fair, looks fairly similar to the Hagia Sophia, is a totally different building, and was built by the Ottomans.

HE LIVES! … by at least a few medical metrics. Blue went on a huge training montage for the entirety of Autumn and is back to talk about the history of Islam!

If you have any questions about anything in the video and would like to learn more, leave them in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer!

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June 22, 2021

History Summarized: The Athenian Temple at Sounio

Filed under: Architecture, Europe, Greece, History, Humour, Religion — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 29 Sep 2017

On my summer vacation, I had the distinct pleasure of visiting Cape Sounio, at the southern tip of Attica at sunset, and I have to say it was one of the most historically exciting moments of my life. For all I myself have said about the Athenian empire, seeing the view from this temple made everything click into place and feel tangibly real for the first time ever (even my 10+ trips to the Parthenon over the course of my childhood didn’t do that). So uh … here’s 7 minutes of me gushing about it under the thin guise of persuasive historical argumentation.

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June 19, 2021

QotD: Living in Alaska

Filed under: Health, Humour, Quotations, USA — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Do you know what the funny thing is about mixed signals, OCC? In most instances mixed signals are actually one loud, clear, unmistakable signal: “I’m a fucking mess! Run! Run! Run!” The reason you can’t decipher the singular signal Alaska Boy is sending you, OCC, is because you’re suffering from a bad case of Wishful Thinking Syndrome (WTS). This man is damaged goods, OCC, but you’re so in love with him that you can’t see him for what he is.

So how do we know he’s damaged goods? Let’s count the ways: For starters he’s a single man who chooses to live in Alaska, which should be renamed the Alaskan National Damaged Goods Refuge.

Dan Savage, Savage Love, 2005-03-23.

June 18, 2021

Boob Armor: 4 Things You Need to Know

Filed under: History, Humour, Weapons — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Jill Bearup
Published 1 Mar 2021

Designing some armour for ladies? Female torso armour specifically? Welcome. Get a year of streaming some of your favourite creators and HQ documentaries for under $15 at http://curiositystream.com/jillbearup​

Boob armour, or boob plate, or lady armour. Or fantasy lady armour, come to that: how does it work then? Let’s have a look at Wonder Woman, The Mandalorian, Warhammer 40K and various examples of historical armour, as well as costume considerations, which will make designing a look for your female fighters that is practical and looks awesome a breeze.

TIMESTAMPS!

00:00​ So you need some lady armour?
00:37​ 1. You don’t need boob plate
02:23​ Alternate options
03:14​ 2. Divots are a disadvantage
03:56​ Muscle cuirasses
04:35​ Boob shelf designs
05:11​ Cleavage divots
05:39​ Wasp waist armor
06:44​ Sticky weapons
08:02​ Codpieces
08:40​ 3. Consider mobility (including experiments)
09:35​ Two handed weapons and giant swords
10:29​ Underlayers and materials used in experiments
11:03​ Low guards and power generation in boob plate
11:46​ Not painting a ‘look, a lady!’ target on yourself with your armor
12:17​ 4. Breathing is important
13:44​ Corsets are not like armor, and scifi armor with flex
15:44​ Fencing chest protectors are not armor, extra content on Nebula, this video is sponsored by Curiosity Stream
16:49​ Lightning round

#boobplate​ #femalearmor​ #armor​

Music by epidemicsound.com
“Meet Me in the Hills” – Howard Harper-Barnes
“To Begin” – Raymond Grouse
“Honorable Salute” – Sage Orsler
“Plains of Illeyneth” – Dragon Tamer
“Sparkle and Swirl” – Raymond Grouse
“Sergeant Wise” – Stationary Sign
“Optimist At Heart” – Jerry Lacey
“Fluz de la Riviere” – Howard Harper-Barnes
“Sailing for Gold” – Howard Harper-Barnes
“Endless Flirtation” – Jerry Lacey

QotD: Canadians and the nanny state

Filed under: Cancon, Government, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 01:00

By demanding that “the government” — any government, feds, provincial, municipal, preferably all of them — carry on frantically legislating into the wind, the angry talk-show callers were, in effect, being just as victimologically inclined as the somnolent correspondents of big media. Fuming and furious, they were tonally different but philosophically indistinguishable, both parties subscribing to the view that Canadian citizens are the passive charges of the nanny state and that nanny needs to put more safety bars round the nursery.

Mark Steyn, “We need professional help”, Western Standard, 2005-04-04.

June 15, 2021

History Summarized: Persistence of Judaism

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 7 Apr 2017

Gooooood morning everybody! Today, Blue finishes the trilogy of Abrahamic religions with a video summarizing the history of the Hebrew people and the Jewish faith. There’s a lot of ground to cover, so fasten your seatbelts for a twenty-minute rundown of the facts, the theories, and the ever-so-popular misconceptions!

Look forward to next time, when Blue brings it all together to talk about Religious Wars and Religious Philosophy!

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June 14, 2021

Movies based on “classic literature”

Filed under: Books, Humour, Media, USA — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

Severian considers the relative glut of movies more-or-less based on the classics of literature from his formative years:

When I was a young buck, there was a fad for making movies out of “classic literature”. Scads of chick flicks, of course — Jane Austen’s complete works, the Brontës, and so on — but they also took a stab at Shakespeare. Mostly they stuck to the comedies — and trust me, watching Keanu Reeves trying to handle Much Ado About Nothing is hilarious, in all the wrong ways — but they’d occasionally give the tragedies a shot. Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet is pretty good despite all the distracting cameos, his Othello is at least sincere (ye gods, imagine trying to make that today!), I think I’m forgetting a few. Mel Gibson gave Hamlet a go back in the early 1990s, and so on. Again, I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting a few.

It always struck me as odd. Unless they timed the theatrical releases to midterm and finals week, hoping to hoover up the dollars of desperate sophomores who didn’t do the homework, it didn’t make much sense, marketing-wise. We were a much more culturally literate people once, it’s true*, but there’s just not much of an audience for the Bard anymore. Nor was it a case of SJWs trying to destroy something good just on general principles. I’m sure Gwyneth Paltrow was bad as Emma, but the idea of retconning every single female in the Western Canon into a Strong, Confident Woman(TM) was still in its infancy. My only other guess was that, since college enrollments were skyrocketing, maybe the parents of all those first-gen college kids were feeling mal-educated and trying to catch up …? Lame, I know, but it was the best I could do.

Looking back on it now, I see my problem: I was looking at it from the demand side. Silly and naive as I was, I assumed that Hollywood’s primary concern was making money, so they went out and found what the people wanted to see, then gave it to them. For instance, I thought Titanic was going to be a huge flop. I mean, the boat sinks. We know that. How do you squeeze any dramatic tension out of it? I should’ve realized they’d be playing it as a doomed-lovers tragedy — girls love that shit, what with the big flouncy costumes and all. Once I realized that, I thought I had it all figured out — every girl I, personally, knew found the works of Jane Austen tedious, but that’s because (I reasoned) you have to supply the images for yourself. Put Hunky McBeef up there in breeches and a peruke, Waify Beecup in a Regency dress, and it’s chick crack …

Or so I thought. Looking back on it now, that’s as dumb as my opinion that Titanic would bomb. Hollywood doesn’t care what you want. I doubt if Hollywood has ever cared what you want, but if they ever did, that time probably ended in tandem with Clara Bow’s career. Hollywood wants what they want, and so will you, because whaddaya gonna do, not watch it? The reason they made all those “classic literature” films in the 1990s, then, wasn’t because they thought we wanted (or needed) some cultural uplift.

No, the reason was: By the 1990s, the last of the old guard in Hollywood was dying off, replaced by the new guard, the Baby Boomers. As we know, it’s not enough for Boomers to control everything while making a shitload of money. No no, for them everything has to be deep and meaningful. They thought of themselves as artistes, not entertainers, so they had to put out a bunch of highbrow stuff, and we had to watch it. This is the sole reason goofy-looking Kenneth Branagh and his horse-faced wife (at the time) were a big cultural force. They made Shakespeare sexy, by which I mean, they allowed the studio heads to think of themselves as the arbiters of culture, not the carny trash they were and are. That some decent movies got made because of it, is entirely incidental.**

    *Last summer, during the worst of lockdown mania, I introduced my little nephews to Bugs Bunny. The real ones, from the 40s and 50s, not the crap they put out ten, twenty years ago. I am an educated man by modern standards, but a lot of that stuff flew over my head … and they used to show these in front of popular movies, on military bases, etc.! There’s the classic Wagner one, of course — kill da wabbit!! — but another one involves The Barber of Seville, which I haven’t seen performed and had to look up. Even the “throwaway” music was classical — they could assume, in other words, that your average workaday guy or GI had a fairly large repertoire of classical pieces in his head, enough to recognize bits from Strauss, Chopin, Schumann, etc.

    **I do kinda regret bashing Sir Kenneth, as wiki tells me he now is. I enjoyed Hamlet (again, despite the annoying cameos), and some of his other work was pretty entertaining, even, in a limited way, visionary — a quirky little picture like Dead Again didn’t do much in 1991, but it would clean up now (a PoMo costume drama!). I’m one of the few people who liked Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, which again despite terrible casting (Robert De Niro? Seriously?) was loads of fun. Shelley’s novel as written is ludicrous, therefore unfilmable, but Branagh admirably captured the spirit of it. It’s as Goth as can be, in the original sense of “Gothic”. Wonderful stuff.

June 11, 2021

QotD: Twitter

Filed under: Humour, Media, Quotations, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

Imagine being trapped in a room filled with strangers for a long period of time, and in that room, everyone is forced to hear all the stray thoughts from everyone else’s mind. After a time, you’d all be driven insane, yet on Twitter, we accept this as a matter of course.

Clive Mansa (@clivemansa), Twitter, 2021-03-09.

June 8, 2021

History Summarized: Ancient Egypt

Filed under: Africa, History, Humour, Religion — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 02:00

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 3 Feb 2017

This video was commissioned by our loyal Patron Karl Erik L. Hoftaniska! To become our Patron and get access to sweet rewards, hop on over to PATREON.COM/OSP

I must say, I was pleasantly surprised about the things I learned about Egypt in the process of making this video. The feeling of learning cool new things never gets old.

Coming soon in Blue’s History Summarized line-up will be the next part of his Abrahamic Religion series: Judaism!
In the meantime, WOO EGYPT!

Have a question about anything mentioned or not mentioned? Leave a comment! Blue will do his best to answer.

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QotD: Magna Carta

Filed under: Britain, History, Humour, Law, Quotations — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

There also happened in this reign the memorable Charta, known as Magna Charter on account of the Latin Magna (great) and Charter (a Charter); this was the first of the famous Chartas and Gartas of the Realm and was invented by the Barons on a desert island in the Thames called Ganymede. By congregating there, armed to the teeth, the Barons compelled John to sign the Magna Charter, which said:

  1. That no one was to be put to death, save for some reason (except the Common People).
  2. That everyone should be free (except the Common People).
  3. That everything should be of the same weight and measure throughout the Realm (except the Common People).
  4. That the Courts should be stationary, instead of following a very tiresome medieval official known as the King’s Person all over the country.
  5. That “no person should be fined to his utter ruin” (except the King’s Person).
  6. That the Barons should not be tried except by a special jury of other Barons who would understand.

Magna Charter was therefore the chief cause of Democracy in England, and thus a Good Thing for everyone (except the Common People).

After this King John hadn’t a leg to stand on and was therefore known as `John Lackshanks’.

W.C. Sellar & R.J. Yeatman, 1066 And All That, 1930.

June 7, 2021

QotD: Toronto in summertime

Filed under: Cancon, Environment, Humour, Media, Quotations — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

I notice from an article in the Toronto Scar, that a problem with walking in the city parks and ravines is now publicly acknowledged. This is caused by redwing blackbirds, who resumed breeding recently, in honour of the spring. There is a population explosion of them, and they are extremely aggressive towards anyone who passes within fifty yards or so of any one of their innumerable nests. Brave, too, considering their size. I call them “hairdresser birds,” for the delight they take in rearranging hair styles. I noticed in scanning 63 comments on this and related local media articles that all were on the side of the birds, and inclined to condemn people like me for failing to avoid their quickly expanding ranges. This would be a good example of Canadian environmental liberalism. My countrymen are trained from birth always to take the side of another species. (I missed this brainwashing, somehow.)

On the other hand, the raccoon population appears to be dwindling. It would seem that the skunks are driving them away. Perhaps they will turn on the coyotes, next.

The geese and swans along the Lakefront are also acting unionized, having long nursed a powerful dislike for the city’s other inhabitants. They are large, and forceful in expressing their opinions. Ditto, the trolley drivers. And the schoolchildren are about to be released from their cages, in time for what is now called “Canada Day.” Monstrous little creatures in the main, especially after they have shot up their drugs. (The older-looking ones are their teachers.)

David Warren, “Sumer is icumen in”, Essays in Idleness, 2018-06-16.

June 5, 2021

Pssst! Wanna try some Stephen Leacock? Three bucks, and cheap at twice the price!

Filed under: Books, Cancon, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 05:00

Colby Cosh from the Friday edition of the NP Platformed newsletter:

In his Substack newsletter this morning, the editor/historian Ken Whyte shares a neat discovery: a publisher called Delphi Classics has made the complete works of Stephen Leacock available in a Kindle edition for the exquisitely reasonable price of $3 (Canadian!).

Leacock’s oeuvre is in the public domain, so technically you could save the money for a down payment on a coffee. But Delphi is said to take professional care in collating and editing public-domain works of past masters, and it would have to do a pretty poor job not to make it worth the $3 to have 10,000-plus pages in readable condition and in one file.

The collection includes Leacock’s non-fiction, which appears to make up about half its volume. I am just old enough to have run across the humorous fiction that made Leacock a global celebrity, one who influenced artists ranging from F. Scott Fitzgerald to Groucho Marx. I know next to nothing of him as an economist, which was his everyday trade (his thesis supervisor was Thorstein Veblen). He also wrote history books about early Canada, and one’s instinct is that these must be lively presentations of material that Canadians ordinarily meet in the worst possible circumstances, and yes, I do mean “a classroom.”

I have to doff the editorial “we” here to confess that I have not plumbed very deeply into the many aspects of Stephen Leacock, even as someone who regards him, on the basis of Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town and other much-anthologized stories, as easily the greatest prose artist in Canada’s history. Leacock is our Mark Twain, and it’s a small miracle that we have someone who could be described this way, without any hint of exaggeration or partiality. (Commercially, at his peak, Leacock enjoyed nearly the same level of renown: the joke was that he was better known than Canada itself.)

His humorous short stories, like Mark Twain’s, overflow with cynicism and masked darkness, matched with an equal quantity of sympathy. His ability to find just the right off-kilter adjective to make a sentence’s logic explode or capsize was just as strong. And, in his day, the small-town Canadian life he satirized was nearly the entirety of Canadian life, period. You can learn things about early 20th-century Canada from Leacock, and maybe some things about your own forebears, that nobody could insert into a serious book.

Despite having spent most of my school years in Canada, I can only think of one or two Leacock stories that I had to read in that time … and I’m afraid like most things we’re forced to read, I resented the hell out of the teacher, the school board, and the author so if I actually did read them, I instantly forgot them as soon as the quiz or test was over and had no intention of ever picking up the author’s work again. This general pattern has been handy for me in that the Canadian authors I’ve read in the decades since then I’ve been able to evaluate on their own merits rather than through the “I already hate you” filter that got applied to assigned texts in school. My friend and former co-worker Jon — who used to comment on the blog occasionally — was a big fan of Leacock and regularly encouraged me to get past the ancient resentments … it worked to the point that I bought a copy of Sunshine Sketches, but I still haven’t gotten around to reading it.

June 3, 2021

QotD: Simon de Montfort

Filed under: Britain, History, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 01:00

While he was in the Tower, Henry III wrote a letter to the nation saying that he was a Good Thing. This so confused the Londoners that they armed themselves with staves, jerkins, etc., and massacred the Jews in the City. Later, when he was in the Pope’s Bosom, Henry further confused the People by presenting all the Bonifaces of the Church to Italians. And the whole reign was rapidly becoming less and less memorable when one of the Barons called Simon de Montfort saved the situation by announcing that he had a memorable Idea.

Simon de Montfort’s Good Idea

Simon de Montfort’s Idea was to make the Parliament more Representative by inviting one or two vergers, or vergesses, to come from every parish, thus causing the only Good Parliament in History. Simon de Montfort, though only a Frenchman, was thus a Good Thing, and is very notable as being the only good Baron in history. The other Barons were, of course, all wicked Barons. They had, however, many important duties under the Banorial system. These were:

  1. To be armed to the teeth.
  2. To extract from the Villein(*) Saccage and Soccage, tollage and tallage, pillage and ullage, and, in extreme cases, all other banorial amenities such as umbrage and porrage. (These may be collectively defined as the banorial rites of carnage and wreckage).
  3. To hasten the King’s death, deposition, insanity, etc., and make quite sure that there were always at least three false claimants to the throne.
  4. To resent the Attitude of the Church. (The Barons were secretly jealous of the Church, which they accused of encroaching on their rites — see p. 30, Age of Piety.)
  5. To keep up the Middle Ages.

(*) Villein: medieval term for agricultural labourer, usually suffering from scurvy, Black Death, etc.

W.C. Sellar & R.J. Yeatman, 1066 And All That, 1930.

May 27, 2021

History Summarized: Ancient China

Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 28 Dec 2018

Check out our website at www.OverlySarcasticProductions.com

And after that we’ll defeat the Huns! Join Blue on a trek through the early centuries of Chinese History, from legendary foundations to the Shang and Zhou dynasties, past the Warring States Period, and into the Han dynasty — if you get to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, you’ve gone too far.

Further reading: China: A History by John Keay

Kings and Generals’ fantastic videos on this subject:
Bactrians: https://youtu.be/IQATsepKoLE​
War of the Heavenly Horses: https://youtu.be/g6Rphg_lwwM​

PATREON: www.patreon.com/OSP

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