“The List” is the bane of testosterone-driven humans. “The List” is kept in the secret mental lock-box of human beings of the estrogen persuasion. Some believe that “The List” is a social construct, while others believe that “The List” is hard-wired into the DNA of the human female. I favor the latter theory since it seems to me that “The List” is merely a subset of “The Plan” — and “The Plan” is not only part and parcel of the basic makeup of the human female regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, or historical epoch, it is also the reason that — over time — women triumph over men. Women, in short, always have a life plan while men are stuck with something that looks like a cross between a spreadsheet without a recalc button and a really slick marketing idea.
In short, men might have a plan for making a rocket-propelled street luge, but they have none at all when it comes to human activities that stretch across decades — unless it involves such trifles as national defense or energy policy. Men seem to see items like this as actually important, but women know that what is really important is the command and control of male behavior. Hence, “Your Permanent Conduct Record” aka “The List.”
Women reading this essay are, of course, not the type to ever keep an indelible list of male transgressions, large and teeny-tiny. But trust me, there are many that do. Why? Because it works.
“The List” is a means of male-control through negative feedback. Positive male actions towards a woman are expected, perhaps noted at the time, perhaps not — but always in pencil. A brief pat and nod of encouragement and then the woman goes back into the default mode of “what have you done for me lately?” “Lately” is, as all men know, but a small subset of a single day.
Failings of the male — such as lapses in mental telepathy — are kept on “The List” in indelible ink, preferably blood-red. “The List” also includes transgressions, large and small, against the woman from previous relationships with previous males. The ownership of all these transgressions is automatically transferred to the male of the current relationship at the moment of inception or conception, whichever comes first. This is the reason men sometimes feel they are expected to pay an overdue bill for a meal they did not eat in a restaurant that no longer exists. Plus a 20% tip.
Gerard Vanderleun, “The List”, American Digest, 2018-10-21.
March 2, 2021
QotD: “The List”
February 28, 2021
QotD: The essential role of writers like Twain and Mencken
A nation needs its Twains and Menckens. (We could have got by without Molly Ivins.) The excrement and sentimentality piles up high and thick in a democratic society, and it’s sometimes easier to burn it away rather than try to shovel it. But they are only counterpoints: They cannot be the leading voice, or the dominant spirit of the age. That is because this is a republic, and in a republic, a politics based on one half of the population hating the other half is a politics that loses even if it wins. The same holds true for one that relies on half of us seeing the other half as useless, wicked, moronic, deluded, or “prehensile morons.” (I know, I know, and you can save your keystrokes: I myself am not running for office.) If you happen to be Mark Twain, that sort of thing is good for a laugh, and maybe for more than a laugh. But it isn’t enough. “We must not be enemies,” President Lincoln declared, and he saw the republic through a good deal worse than weak GDP growth and the sack of a Libyan consulate.
Kevin D. Williamson, “Bitter Laughter: Humor and the politics of hate”, National Review, 2016-08-11.
February 27, 2021
Overwhelming video game tutorials – Combat Tips
Viva La Dirt League
Published 25 Nov 2020When a game tries to give you all the tutorials at once
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QotD: What the instructions in Haynes manuals really mean
Translation: Will be corroded into place … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with a hammer.Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles! … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! … Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.Haynes: As described in Chapter 7 …
Translation: That’ll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.Haynes: Pry …
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into …Haynes: Undo …
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).Haynes: Ease …
Translation: Apply superhuman strength to …Haynes: Retain tiny spring …
Translation: “Crikey what was that, it nearly had my eye out”!Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb …
Translation: OK — that’s the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.Do it by the book — the real meaning of Haynes instructions.
February 26, 2021
QotD: “What have the Romans ever done for us?”
LORETTA: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
REG: Yeah.
LORETTA: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!
XERXES: The aqueduct?
REG: What?
XERXES: The aqueduct.
REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.
COMMANDO #3: And the sanitation.
LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
REG: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
MATTHIAS: And the roads.
REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads–
COMMANDO: Irrigation.
XERXES: Medicine.
COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh…
COMMANDO #2: Education.
COMMANDOS: Ohh…
REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
COMMANDO #1: And the wine.
COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah…
FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.
COMMANDO: Public baths.
LORETTA: And it’s safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let’s face it. They’re the only ones who could in a place like this.
COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
XERXES: Brought peace.
REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up!
Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979.
February 22, 2021
QotD: Modern academic “life”
… and never more than to people who know themselves un-beautiful, therefore not good, therefore false, and locked in it. Forever.
These people hate us, not because we’re better looking, more socially skilled, or whatever — this is, after all, the Internet — but because we’ve got options. We’re not all fighting over who gets to be Big Fish in an ever-shrinking pond. We’re different things to different people; we haven’t collapsed our social context down to faculty mixers and the one or two non-hamplanet grad students who are silly enough to apply each semester. We can go days, maybe even weeks, without obsessively comparing ourselves to our peers. We don’t care that we’re not “Chad” or “Stacy,” because we’ve got other settings on the emotional dial than “smugness” and “jealousy.”
But we need to start caring. I don’t mean getting obsessive over our appearance. I mean that, since this is in many ways an aesthetic battle, aesthetics will help us win. I half-jokingly suggested a “Normal Guy Uniform” a while back – an all-white ball cap with the New England Patriots’ logo on it. I’m not really kidding now. The Left wins, in large part, because they’re fugly losers that no normal person could possibly consider a threat … until they bash your skull in, or get you fired, or send a SWAT team to your house.
Severian, “Politics for Fugly People”, Rotten Chestnuts, 2018-08-24.
February 21, 2021
QotD: Journalism
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 1972.
February 20, 2021
History Summarized: South Africa
Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 19 Feb 2021In the past few centuries, few corners of the African Continent were quite as busy as the south. It’s a winding river from the first migrations and waves of colonists in the Cape Colonies to the Rainbow Nation we know today, so let’s dive in and see how it all played out!
SOURCES & Further Reading for Black History Month:
— The African Experience From ‘Lucy’ to Mandela From the Great Courses Plus, lectures 15-18 “South Africa: The Dutch Cape Colony & The Zulu Kingdom & Frontier and Unification & Diamonds and Gold”, 26 “Segregation and Apartheid in South Africa”, and 32 “The South African Miracle”— Born A Crime by Trevor Noah: https://bookshop.org/books/born-a-cri…
— Home Team History is a YouTube channel covering all corners of the African continent. They have several videos about Southern Africa, such as “A History of Stone Architecture in Southern Africa” (https://youtu.be/0U4Wu3CmL0U) and “Southern Africa: The Birthplace of Iron Mining” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9HO0…), and “A history of the Xhosa People” (https://youtu.be/axajPiZnDqo)
— Lastly, looking to modern times, it’s important to recognize how the COVID crisis has exacerbated massive preexisting disparities between healthcare for Black and minority communities and that of white Americans. It’s not enough to just acknowledge history, we all have a responsibility to understand modern problems and work on solutions. Read more: (https://www.scientificamerican.com/ar…) and please consider Donating to support the NAACP’s COVID relief programs: (https://naacp.org/coronavirus/coronav…)With special thanks to the members of our discord community who helped polish my script: Holben, Klieg, Good Hunter, and Sticc (who has a History of Africa podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/…)
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QotD: The Infantry
The infantry (note not “infanteers” as they really hate that) are the actual troops who stand toe-to-toe with the enemy and bayonet them in the face. Boots on the ground, their job is to be pointed at the bad guys and go wreck it. They may get delivered in various ways including aircraft, boat, ship or their own vehicles, but same job: “infantry go smash”. Can be identified by neck tattoos, traditions that the Victorians would think are dated, officers wear faded red trousers and soldiers fight each other on Friday nights.
Combat Boot, “So, ‘capbadges’, what’s that all about then?”, combatboot.co.uk, 2020-11-13.
February 14, 2021
History’s Best(?) Couples — Valentine’s Day Special
Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 5 Feb 2021Celebrate Valentine’s Day with a look at some of the best couples in history. Well, “Best” is a stretch — definitely most entertaining — but the pairings on display today are FAR from healthy. Enjoy the slow descent into insanity that is “Me Discussing These Stories”.
SOURCES & Further Reading: Suetonius’ Twelve Caesars, Plutarch’s Parallel Lives: Julius Caesar, China: A History by John Keay, “Song of Everlasting Sorrow” by Bai Juyi, Smithsonian Magazine & Biography.com entries on Marie Antoinette & Louis XVI.
Our content is intended for teenage audiences and up.
TRACKLIST: “Scheming Weasel (faster version),” “Local Forecast – Elevator”, “Sneaky Snitch” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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Shakespeare Summarized: A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 27 Feb 2014Finally, a summarized comedic romance! And it was almost out in time for Valentine’s Day, when it would have been legitimately appropriate to release!
…I’m making progress, guys. Cut me some slack. 😛
Midsummer Night’s Dream is one of Shakespeare’s best plays. And nobody died this time! What a twist!
February 13, 2021
Miscellaneous Myths: Hades and Persephone
Overly Sarcastic Productions
Published 12 Feb 2021You asked, I’ve answered! Today let’s discuss greek mythology’s most beloved AND most maligned relationship — but which reputation is truly deserved? You all know where *I* stand on the matter, but today I’ll do my best to justify my hot take that Hades And Persephone Is Romantic Actually.
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QotD: Haynes guide to tools of the trade
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
MOLE-GRIPS/ADJUSTABLE spanner: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake-drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16″ or 1/2″ socket you’ve been searching for for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls in about the time it takes you to say, “F….”
Do it by the book — the real meaning of Haynes instructions.
February 12, 2021
QotD: Repartee
Daniel Hannan, Twitter, 2020-11-06.
February 10, 2021
QotD: Wells’s Rules of Canadian Politics
1: For any given situation, Canadian politics will tend toward the least exciting possible outcome.
2: If everyone in Ottawa knows something, it’s not true.
3. The candidate in the best mood wins.
4. The guy who auditions for the role of opposition leader will get the job.
Paul Wells, “Wells’s Rules, annotated”, Maclean’s, 2009-05-21.
