Quotulatiousness

October 17, 2009

Blogger, know thyself

Filed under: Humour, Media — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 20:29

Gerard van der Leun knows blogging well. Perhaps a bit too well:

“THE 27 DAILY AFFIRMATIONS FOR BLOGGERS”

  1. When I post under an assumed name, I can get in closer touch with my Inner Sociopath.
  2. Through block-quotes and fisking I have the power to transform even the most harmless statements of my enemies into concrete evidence of their evil plans to enslave mankind and rule the world.
  3. In all humility I do not seek to rule the world. I seek only complete agreement and total capitulation.
  4. I assume full responsibility for my posts, especially the good ones that are just links to someone else’s posts.
  5. If, after publication, one of my posts should appear irresponsible, I will be responsible enough to make it disappear, along with the Google cache of it.
  6. Being more confused about the First Amendment than I am about copyright, I am free to reveal the obscene number of hours I blog at work, and the URL of my secret blog where I post the truth about my coworkers’ hygiene, bodily functions, porn-surfing habits, and gender reassignment surgeries without being fired. I know my rights.

Tweet of the day: Mayan prognostication

Filed under: Americas, History, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 00:09

cetaylor: Everything you need to know about Mayan 2012 nonsense: They couldn’t foresee the end of their own effin’ civilization in the 16th century.

October 16, 2009

Friday links of possible interest

Filed under: Britain, Football, Health, Humour, Religion, Technology — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 12:25

October 15, 2009

Tweet of the day: Bob Dylan’s Christmas album

Filed under: Humour, Media — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 18:17

John Scalzi: Listening to the Bob Dylan Christmas Album, because, honestly, WTF. I think these days Bob’s just screwing with folks for fun.

John Scalzi: To answer the question: The Bob Dylan Christmas album is, in fact, terrifying. As in “stop it, you’re scaring the reindeer.”

October 12, 2009

QotD: Next Nobel Prize nominations

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Humour, Quotations — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 12:19

In the light of this week’s ridiculous announcement that Barack H. Obama had been given a Nobel Peace Prize, for no perceivable reason — the same empty honor having previously been bestowed upon such luminaries as Jimmy Carter and Albert Gore — it is my honor and pleasure to present you with our own nominations for the next Nobel Prize.

Briefly, I thought hard myself about Madonna (words I never thought I’d see myself say), although I’m certain that excellent cases might be made — employing the Nobel committee’s apparent guidlines — for Gary Glitter, David Hasselhoff, Peewee Herman, Charles Manson, Paris Hilton, Lou Costello, Hello Kitty, or Jack the Ripper. Basically anybody who can afford a box of Crackerjack to look for the prize inside.

L. Neil Smith, Libertarian Enterprise, 2009-10-12

October 11, 2009

Hot, Hot, Hot!

Filed under: Food, Humour, Randomness — Tags: — Nicholas @ 01:17

Jeremy Clarkson makes the acquaintance of “limited-edition Insanity private reserve” hot sauce:

It’s an American chilli sauce that was bought by my wife as a joky Christmas present. And, like all joky Christmas presents, it was put in a drawer and forgotten about. It’s called limited-edition Insanity private reserve and it came in a little wooden box, along with various warning notices. “Use this product one drop at a time,” it said. “Keep away from eyes, pets and children. Not for people with heart or respiratory problems. Use extreme caution.”

Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything comes with a warning notice. Railings. Vacuum cleaners. Energy drinks. My quad bike has so many stickers warning me of decapitation, death and impalement that they become a nonsensical blur.

The result is simple. We know these labels are drawn up to protect the manufacturer legally, should you decide one day to insert a vacuum-cleaner pipe up your bottom, or to try to remove your eye with a teaspoon. So we ignore them. They are meaningless. One drop at a time! Use extreme caution! On a sauce. Pah. Plainly it was just American lawyer twaddle.

A valid point: if everything these days carries warning labels, the actual level of concern for ordinary consumers drops . . . so real warnings are drowned out by the hundreds of bogus ones put there merely to avert lawsuits, not to provide useful information about the product.

The pain started out mildly, but I knew from past experience that this would build to a delightful fiery sensation. I was even looking forward to it. But the moment soon passed. In a matter of seconds I was in agony. After maybe a minute I was frightened that I might die. After five I was frightened that I might not.

The searing fire had surged throughout my head. My eyes were streaming. Molten lava was flooding out of my nose. My mouth was a shattered ruin. Even my hair hurt.

H/T to Dave Slater for the link.

October 10, 2009

Passwords and the average user

Filed under: Humour, Technology — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 11:22

In this day of widely publicized panic about online security, it’s time we revisited the basics of password security. I’m sure that none of you reading this would ever have a less-than-ironclad routine for all your online activities:

  1. Never ever use the same password on multiple sites. Once they’ve grabbed for login for the MyLittlePony site, they’re into your bank account . . . or worse, your MyLittlePonyDoesDallas account.
  2. Always use the maximum number of characters allowed . . . I know it’s a pain when a site allows 1024 characters, but your online security is paramount. I believe most health insurance now covers carpal tunnel treatment, so you’re golden.
  3. Never include any word — in any human language — embedded within your password: this includes all the words in the Scrabble® dictionary for every known language. Can’t assume that the black hats speak English, y’know.
  4. Always use both capital and lower-case letters and include at least a single digit and a non-letter character in every password.

    5. Note: Don’t try to be clever and use 1337speak. The folks trying to crack your password all post on 4chan: you’re giving them a head-start. They dream in 1337.

  5. Change your password regularly. Daily, if necessary. Even hourly if you share a computer with others.
  6. Never, ever write your password down. That’s the first thing they’ll look for when they break down your door and trash your crib.
  7. Never, ever re-use a password. Don’t pretend you haven’t done this one. We all used to do it, until site admins started checking that you hadn’t re-used an old password.

Of course, even the professionals don’t do all of this. Some of ’em don’t do any of it. Do like the pros do: set all your passwords to “passw0rd”. Nobody ever guesses that.

For actual password advice that might be helpful, you can try this post on the Gmail Blog.

October 6, 2009

The Guild, Season 3 Episode 6: Newbtastic

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 15:14

<br /><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&#038;vid=09ca7e47-a094-46b3-ace4-d28658ee76a1" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 6: Newbtastic">Video: Season 3 &#8211; Episode 6: Newbtastic</a>

October 3, 2009

Why Chicago didn’t get the 2016 Olympics

Filed under: Humour, Sports, USA — Tags: — Nicholas @ 17:55

Robert Bentley gives the top ten reasons why Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Olympic Games was rejected:

10. Dead people can’t vote at IOC meetings.

9. Obama distracted by 25 min meeting with Gen. McChrystal.

8. Who cares if Obama couldn’t talk the IOC into Chicago? He’ll be able to talk Iran out of nukes.

7. The impediment is Israel still building settlements.

September 29, 2009

The Guild, Season 3 Episode 5

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:07

<br /><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&#038;vid=d492d422-9f08-481f-a6c7-e0f096cf614e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 5: Application&#39;d">Video: Season 3 &#8211; Episode 5: Application&#39;d</a>

September 25, 2009

QotD: CanLit

Filed under: Books, Cancon, Humour, Quotations — Tags: — Nicholas @ 17:26

Canadian literature (or CanLit, as some insist) has gradually become a genre of its own- one of books that are bleak, desperate, *meaningful*, and above all, dull.

Jesse Brown, “You and the Pirates”, Boing Boing, 2009-09-25

September 22, 2009

The Guild, Season 3 Episode 4

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 15:36

<br /><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&#038;vid=2db36212-baaf-4fe6-9cc5-cdefe4b27f40" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 4: Get it back!">Video: Season 3 &#8211; Episode 4: Get it back!</a>

And try to imagine the horror . . . or just go to http://finnsmulders.com/.

If you can’t get enough, here are some bloopers.

September 16, 2009

The Guild, Season 3 Episode 3

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 00:09

<br /><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&#038;vid=80a029bc-7a7a-4f6e-b63c-8c4e73975e20" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 3: Player Down">Video: Season 3 &#8211; Episode 3: Player Down</a>

September 15, 2009

NFL or NBA?

Filed under: Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 13:44

A.X. Perez passes on a link he got from some anonymous person. I found it quite interesting, although I can’t vouch for the numbers.

September 12, 2009

QotD: The Muse of Booze

Filed under: Humour, Quotations, Wine — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 18:06

It’s reasonably well known that the arts of brewing and fermenting arose in nice time for the dawn of human civilization (there are ancient poems and mosaics and that sort of thing, dedicated to the celebration of the fact), but it’s at least as notorious that an open flask of alcohol is a mouth that can lead to hell as well as heaven. This being the case — and one day we shall work out the etymology that leads us to use the simple Italian word for a bottle, fiasco, in the way that we do — then it is as well to have a true Virgil to be our guide through the regions infernal as well as paradisiac.

The late Sir Kingsley Amis (who wrote these slender but thoughtful volumes before receiving his knighthood and who was also the expert to consult on things like the derivation of fiasco) was what the Irish call “your man” when it came to the subject of drink.

Christopher Hitchens, “The Muse of Booze”, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis, 2008

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