Anyway, when it was done I drove to the hardware store for some paint. I handed over the samples and said I’d pick it up tomorrow, no rush.
“No, I can do those now, in ten minutes.”
“That’s okay. It will give me an excuse not to do it today.”
“Ha ha! I’ll be right back, just take ten minutes.”
“No really I’m serious I — ” but he was already on the job. Damned efficient conscientious local hardware store. I also exchanged a propane cylinder, even though it still had some gas in it. I can never tell. If I worked with these things every day I could tell by hoisting it, but it seemed light.
“Probably some in it,” I said to one of the 39 youths who work the store, “but if I can hoist it one hand it’s probably almost done.” To demonstrate my manliness I hoisted the cylinder chest high a few times. Ha! See! Am not old. Strong like bool!
I have a red line of pain running from my scapula to my kidney right now.
Went home, did not paint, because it was supposed to rain. It did not rain. Fixed a few things, napped hard — had got up early for the Roseville jaunt — then grilled kababs, wondering exactly what I was missing that would have added SHISH to the KEBABS. Helped Friend Wife give the dog a bath; it’s amazing how he knows a bath is imminent, and will brook no subterfuge. Anytime someone tries to get him upstairs with a treat, he’s suspicious. If you try to get him in the bathroom with a treat, he is convinced that this will end with humiliation and wetness for no good reason at all, I mean, c’mon, why? He just got to the point where he’s a walking embodiment of all the interesting things that have happened and the interesting places he has been, and we’re just going to erase that? A shower for a dog is like the little amnesia pens the Men in Black use.
James Lileks, The Bleat, 2019-09-16.
December 20, 2023
QotD: Washing the dog
August 2, 2023
Britain’s troubling rise in hospital visits due to dog bites
Ed West has a dog, but he admits he’s not really a “dog person”:
American Bully Breed Dog. Male. Name: X-Men.
Photo by Verygoodhustle via Wikimedia Commons.
Dog breeds have different natures, something that would seem self-obviously true and yet which today the leading authorities in the British dog world seem to be in denial about, in particular when it comes to one of the unspoken trends of recent years – the huge increase in dog attacks.
This spike in dog-bites-man violence has led to a 50 per cent increase in hospital admissions for dog bites over ten years, the biggest rise being among children under the age of 4. Overall the number of fatalities has gone from an average of 3.3 in the 2000s to 10 last year, while dog attacks have risen recently from 16,000 in 2018 to 22,000 in 2022, and hospitalisations have almost doubled from 4,699 in 2007 to 8,819 in 2021/22.
The underlying story behind this escalation of violence is that much of it is the work of just one breed – the American Bully. And as we enter the summer holidays, the peak period for dog attacks, it’s worth pondering why the experts in the dog world are in such denial about the issue.
Public awareness of the American Bully problem has grown in recent months, spurred by some especially horrific attacks, as well as a widely-read article by legal academic and YouTuber Lawrence Newport. Lawrence looked at the data on dog attacks and observed that “a notable pattern emerges. In 2021, 2 of the 4 UK fatalities were from a breed known as the American Bully XL. In 2022, 6 out of 10 were American Bullies. In 2023, so far all fatalities appear to have been American Bullies.”
American Bullies, Newport explains, “are a breed resulting from modern mixes of the American Pitbull Terrier. They are known for very high muscle mass, biting power, and impressive strength, and come in several variations. Those that are bred for the greatest strength, weight and size are known as a part of the American Bully XL variety.”
Pitbulls are banned in Britain for a good reason, and in the US are responsible for “60–70% of dog fatalities“; yet under the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991 “the American Bully XL is currently permitted”.
What is surprising, Newport writes, is that “if you argue these dogs are dangerous, you will get a flood of comments from people … saying it’s the owner’s fault, not the dog’s. You might even be thinking this yourself, right now. But this is wrong. Whilst many Brits would contend that ‘
GunsAmerican Bully XL’s don’t kill people, people do’, the reality is different.“Labradors retrieve. Pointers point. Cocker Spaniels will run through bushes, nose to the ground, looking as if they are tracking or hunting even when just playing – even when they have never been on a hunt of any kind. This is not controversial. Breeds have traits. We’ve bred them to have them.”
Pitbulls were created for bull-baiting, and when that was banned, they came to be bred to hunt down rats in a locked pen. “This required more speed, so they were interbred with terriers to make Pitbull Terriers. In addition to this, they began to be used for dog fighting: bred specifically to have aggression towards other dogs, and to be locked in a pit to fight (some are still used for this today). These were dogs likely kept in cages, away from humans, and bred for their capacity to earn money for their owners by winning fights. These were not dogs bred for loyalty to humans, these were dogs bred for indiscriminate, sustained and brutal violence contained within a pit.”
October 7, 2022
The Combat Dogs of World War Two – WW2 Special
World War Two
Published 6 Oct 2022Where man goes, so does man’s best friend. Across the globe, tens of thousands of dogs are called up. They play their part in tales of heroism and joy. But without any agency over their own lives, they also experience fear, death, and cruelty.
April 10, 2022
Andrew Heaton’s dog problems
In his most recent email newsletter, Andrew Heaton explains the problem he’s encountered while visiting a national park with a foster dog:
Not Andrew Heaton’s dog
I am writing this in the woods during a brief respite from the dog trying to strangle himself.
I have been fostering Wallace for about a month, and the shelter informs me a nice man is threatening to adopt him, and so there is added social pressure to keep him from asphyxiating. Obviously I don’t want any dog to suffocate, least of all Wallace. But it would be embarrassing on top of all that if I had to awkwardly call the shelter and explain I can’t return Wallace on account of his apparent suicide in the woods. I’d probably wind up on a watch list of some kind, or have my picture on the wall with the caption of “possible murderer”.
Allow me to explain. Wallace and I decided to go camping over the weekend, where I assumed I would get to lounge around a hammock and read books, while Wallace, enthralled with nature and new smells, would sit attentively on a bluff looking into the middle distance like the platonic canine ideal in a Kinkaid painting. To maximize his enjoyment, I purchased a twenty-five foot cord, which I further hooked to a retractable leash, affording Wallace a respectable illusion of freedom and autonomy.
It turns out that when you take dogs camping, they are only interested in two things: hiking, and strangling themselves. We went on a two hour (!) hike earlier in the morning, then retreated to camp for lunch. That’s when Wallace developed the new and exciting hobby of trying to off himself as quickly as possible.
If there are six saplings in his immediate vicinity, he will gleefully wrap himself around all of them in a diagram reminiscent of how quarks orbit sub-atomic particles, then conclude the adventure by accidentally tying a slip knot or a noose or some other damn thing and commence dyeing.
I am told by hunters that animals will gnaw their limbs off when trapped, but Wallace shows no initiative in biting through his leash, despite having previously chewed his way through a variety of wood-handed tools I borrowed from my neighbor. Instead, his entire strategy for breaking his restraints is to angrily pee on them. Wallace seems to think the piss stream unleashed by his Herculean doggy prostate is sufficient to cut diamonds, and so surely can free him from the absorbent cloth tethering him to nine or ten saplings. So I free him, and make a mental note to buy a new leash upon our return.
I have also caught Wallace trying to drown himself by wrapping his leash around a submerged log, getting himself hopelessly tangled in the (stationary) tires of my car, and as near as I can tell, managing to tie asphyxiating knots around invisible things like radio waves and WIFI signals. Given sufficient time and as little as a shoelace, I think he could probably strangle himself around imaginary concepts like latitude lines, Bigfoot, or Modern Monetary Theory. I don’t know who previously owned Wallace, but I’m beginning to suspect Jeffrey Epstein.
You can subscribe to the newsletter here I believe: newsletter@mightyheaton.com
December 12, 2021
How They Did It – Pet Dogs in Ancient Rome
Invicta
Published 12 Sep 2018Our history with man’s best friend stretches far into the past. Today we take a look at the lives of dogs in ancient Rome; how they named, trained, and raised them.
Bibliography:
Xenophon and Arrian: On Hunting (1999) translated by A. A. Phillips and M. M. Willcock
Metamorphoses Book III by Ovid
Names of Dogs in Ancient Greece by Adrienne Mayor
Greek and Roman Household Pets by Francis D. LazenbyArtwork:
Beverly Johnson (https://www.behance.net/bevsi)Music:
“Strings and Drums Comedy” by 8th Mode Music
“Emotional” by 8th Mode Music#RomanHistory
#HowTheyDidIt
February 11, 2020
Animal “rights”
In the latest Libertarian Enterprise, L. Neil Smith republished a short essay he wrote for the March 1996 edition which is still fully relevant today:
An olive ridley sea turtle, a species of the sea turtle superfamily.
NASA image via Wikimedia Commons.
Last Friday I watched an episode of X-Files in which innocent zoo animals were being abducted — apparently by benign, superior UFOsies (the ones who mutilate cattle and stick needles in women’s bellies) — to save them from a despicable mankind responsible for the erasure of thousands of species every year.
Or every week, I forget which.
I was reminded of a debate I’d found myself involved in about sea turtles; I’d suggested that laws prohibiting international trade in certain animal products be repealed so the turtles might be privately farmed and thereby kept from extinction. After all, who ever heard of chickens being an endangered species? From the hysteria I provoked — by breathing the sacred phrase “animal rights” and the vile epithet “profit” in one sentence — you’d have thought I’d demanded that the Virgin be depicted henceforth in mesh stockings and a merry widow like Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
That debate convinced me of two things. First: I wasn’t dealing with politics, here, or even philosophy, but with a religion, one that would irrationally sacrifice its highest value — the survival of a species — if the only way to assure it was to let the moneylenders back into the temple. Its adherents abominate free enterprise more than they adore sea turtles.
Second (on evidence indirect but undeniable): those who cynically constructed this religion have no interest in the true believers at its gullible grassroots, but see it simply as a new way to pursue the same old sinister objective. A friend of mine used to refer to “watermelons” — green on the outside, red on the inside — who use environmental advocacy to abuse individualism and capitalism. Even the impenetrable Rush Limbaugh understands that animal rights and related issues are just another way socialism pursues its obsolete, discredited agenda.
In my experience, those who profess to believe in animal rights usually don’t believe in human rights. That’s the point, after all.
December 31, 2019
A lump of coal minus a canary – December 30th – TimeGhost of Christmas Past – Day 7
TimeGhost History
Published 30 Dec 2019The last day of work of the year for many people is the harbinger of exciting new change. For British coal miners in 1986, it meant the redundancy of the canary in the coal mine.
Join us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TimeGhostHistory
Hosted by: Indy Neidell
Written by: Tom Maeden and Spartacus Olsson
Directed by: Spartacus Olsson and Astrid Deinhard
Executive Producers: Bodo Rittenauer, Astrid Deinhard, Indy Neidell, Spartacus Olsson
Creative Producer: Joram Appel
Post-Production Director: Wieke Kapteijns
Research by: Tom Maeden
Edited by: Mikołaj Cackowski
Sound design: Marek KamińskiSoundtracks from Epidemic Sound:
Howard Harper-Barnes – “A Sleigh Into Town”
Farrell Wooten – “Blunt Object”
Johannes Bornlöf – “The Inspector 4”
Jo Wandrini – “Dawn of Civilization”A TimeGhost chronological documentary produced by OnLion Entertainment GmbH.
From the comments:
TimeGhost History
2 hours ago
So, the year is almost over… it’s a Monday, so many of you might be at work. How was 2019 and how do you hope that 2020 is going to be? For us at TimeGhost it has been a very exciting year indeed. WW2 grew both in scope and viewership, Between 2 Wars is almost completed and we welcomed close to 2,000 new recruits to the TimeGhost Army https://www.patreon.com/TimeGhostHistoryAnd all of us, you guys included need to thank them for all the content we were able to bring to you in 2019. Because like nations depend on their defense forces to maintain their independence, we depend on the TimeGhost Army to keep fighting the good fight of education and entertainment. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We look forward to take all of this even further in 2020 as WW2 grows ever more complex, Between 2 Wats concludes, and we come out with new exciting series here on the TimeGhost channel.
November 22, 2019
QotD: Politicians, like scorpions, cannot change their nature
Don Boudreaux, “Dogs Bark!”, Café Hayek, 2017-11-02.
February 22, 2018
QotD: The importance of defining your terms
If you don’t understand these [gun-related] terms already, why should you care? You should care because when you misuse them, you signal substantially broader gun restrictions than you may actually be advocating. So, for instance, if you have no idea what semi-automatic means, but you’ve heard it and it sounds scary, and you assume that it means some kind of machine gun, so you argue semi-automatics should be restricted, you’ve just conveyed that most modern handguns (save for revolvers) should be restricted, even if that’s not what you meant.
It’s hard to grasp the reaction of someone who understands gun terminology to someone who doesn’t. So imagine we’re going through one of our periodic moral panics over dogs and I’m trying to persuade you that there should be restrictions on, say, Rottweilers.
Me: I don’t want to take away dog owners’ rights. But we need to do something about Rottweilers.
You: So what do you propose?
Me: I just think that there should be some sort of training or restrictions on owning an attack dog.
You: Wait. What’s an “attack dog?”
Me: You know what I mean. Like military dogs.
You: Huh? Rottweilers aren’t military dogs. In fact “military dogs” isn’t a thing. You mean like German Shepherds?
Me: Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody’s trying to take away your German Shepherds. But civilians shouldn’t own fighting dogs.
You: I have no idea what dogs you’re talking about now.
Me: You’re being both picky and obtuse. You know I mean hounds.
You: What the fuck.
Me: OK, maybe not actually ::air quotes:: hounds ::air quotes::. Maybe I have the terminology wrong. I’m not obsessed with vicious dogs like you. But we can identify kinds of dogs that civilians just don’t need to own.
You: Can we?Because I’m just talking out of my ass, the impression I convey is that I want to ban some arbitrary, uninformed category of dogs that I can’t articulate. Are you comfortable that my rule is going to be drawn in a principled, informed, narrow way?
So. If you’d like to persuade people to accept some sort of restrictions on guns, consider educating yourself so you understand the terminology that you’re using. And if you’re reacting to someone suggesting gun restrictions, and they seem to suggest something nonsensical, consider a polite question of clarification about terminology.
Ken White, “Talking Productively About Guns”, Popehat, 2015-12-07.
August 18, 2017
The worst part of being a pet owner
Sadly, this is not a repost of my similarly titled post from less than two weeks ago. Today, we lost the very last of our cat clan. Ash, our eldest cat, is no longer with us.
Harry Paget Flashman on the left, with Cinders and Ash, making sure that nobody can make the bed right now. October 2010.
Ash had been fading for a while, but as long as he was still interested in life, we were not going to make any irrevocable decisions. Over the last couple of days, he’d stopped eating and was barely drinking, which meant we needed to talk to the vet about what to do. The initial diagnosis was liver failure, and at 17 the prognosis was not hopeful. The vet suggested that with liver issues, especially for older cats, it was not likely to be a favourable outcome if we elected for surgery, and we didn’t want to subject him to that kind of stress with such low odds of survival.
August 8, 2017
The worst part of being a pet owner
… is when it’s time to say goodbye. RIP Harry Paget Flashman, 2003-2017.
Harry Paget Flashman on the left, with Cinders and Ash, making sure that nobody can make the bed right now. October 2010.
Our cat population has now shrunk down to a single, elderly survivor (that’s Ash in the right foreground … he’s 17 now). Ash is now partially deaf and quite frail and had been looking less and less interested in life lately, and had developed an aversion to using the kitty litter, so we’ve been trying to prepare ourselves to say goodbye to him. Instead, around midnight on Sunday, it was Harry who suddenly needed to be taken to the emergency vet for evaluation. We’d had him in for treatment of a urinary blockage last fall, and it seemed that the problem was back. The vet was unwilling to operate on an elderly cat for this, given that Harry had also developed a heart murmur, so we crossed our fingers that the (expensive) treatment wouldn’t be necessary again. That was not to be, so we had to make the decision for euthanasia rather than put him through more stress and pain with no guarantee that the problem wouldn’t be back in a week’s time.
June 9, 2017
Can my dog understand me? – James May Q&A (Ep 34) – Head Squeeze
Published on 16 Aug 2013
Sit, Fetch, Lie Down! James May answers Luke from Durham Johnston Comprehensive’s question on whether dogs can understand humans.
Links
The British Science Association: http://www.britishscienceassociation.org/National Science + Engineering Competition: http://www.nsecuk.org
Can dogs understand words: http://animal.discovery.com/pets/dogs-understand-words.htm
Shame your pet: http://www.shameyourpet.com
May 31, 2017
The Wood Whisperer 269 – Pet Steps
Published on 16 Sep 2016
For FREE plans and additional details, head to http://www.thewoodwhisperer.com/videos/pet-steps/
Welcome to the Honda Ridgeline Saturday Project series produced in partnership with Honda. Each project is designed to be approachable using basic tools and materials. And to show you how versatile the all-new 2017 Honda Ridgeline can be, we’ll build each project right in the bed of the truck!
Sometimes our pets need a little help getting to high places like the family bed or the inside of a vehicle. This easy-to-build set of Pet Steps can also serve as a ramp and even stores flat when not in use. Made with simple materials and basic tools, anyone can knock this project out in a weekend. The inspiration for this design came from various sources on the web and was brought to life by my buddy Scott Seganti.
May 19, 2016
Hundstalag 1 – the canine Hogan’s Heroes prison camp
We got a lovely new fence installed recently, so we could allow the dogs to roam around the new backyard without needing to worry that they got off the property. In the interim, before the ground warmed up enough to let the fence contractor dig the post holes, we rented some temporary fence panels and had them set up to close off the gap between the house and the garage, creating a small “courtyard” where the dogs were allowed to wander. The new fence was complete at the end of last week, and the rental company picked up the temporary fence on Tuesday.
The temporary fence
This meant that the dogs have been free to roam the full backyard for just about 48 hours.
In that short time, we’ve had three prison breaks.
Now let me emphasize that this is an excellent fence and that we’re overall very happy with the contractor’s work. But as with any defensive fortification, there are weak spots. The gates, for example, are traditional weaknesses, and breakout number two happened when an electrician opened the gate to ask me a question and both dogs bolted past him and out toward the main street.
Breakouts number one and three were tunnelling jobs.
When the fence contractor finished, I had a walk-around the perimeter with one of the workmen specifically looking for spots where an agile and eager dog could manage to squeeze under the bottom of the fence. We found four such locations and additional measures were taken to close them off.
Despite those measures, we discovered that a Corgi-mix dog can be a very energetic digger:
The escape tunnel, cunningly concealed behind a screen of cedar bushes and the trunk of a tree
Additional measures had to be taken, and given that it’s effectively invisible from most of the backyard, brute concrete was considered the most appropriate fix:
We’re hoping this is sufficient discouragement to keep the canines inside the boundary fence…
August 2, 2015
QotD: German dogs
The one thing in Germany that never fails to charm and fascinate me is the German dog. In England one grows tired of the old breeds, one knows them all so well: the mastiff, the plum-pudding dog, the terrier (black, white or rough-haired, as the case may be, but always quarrelsome), the collie, the bulldog; never anything new. Now in Germany you get variety. You come across dogs the like of which you have never seen before: that until you hear them bark you do not know are dogs. It is all so fresh, so interesting. George stopped a dog in Sigmaringen and drew our attention to it. It suggested a cross between a codfish and a poodle. I would not like to be positive it was not a cross between a codfish and a poodle. Harris tried to photograph it, but it ran up a fence and disappeared through some bushes.
I do not know what the German breeder’s idea is; at present he retains his secret. George suggests he is aiming at a griffin. There is much to bear out this theory, and indeed in one or two cases I have come across success on these lines would seem to have been almost achieved. Yet I cannot bring myself to believe that such are anything more than mere accidents. The German is practical, and I fail to see the object of a griffin. If mere quaintness of design be desired, is there not already the Dachshund! What more is needed? Besides, about a house, a griffin would be so inconvenient: people would be continually treading on its tail. My own idea is that what the Germans are trying for is a mermaid, which they will then train to catch fish.
For your German does not encourage laziness in any living thing. He likes to see his dogs work, and the German dog loves work; of that there can be no doubt. The life of the English dog must be a misery to him. Imagine a strong, active, and intelligent being, of exceptionally energetic temperament, condemned to spend twenty-four hours a day in absolute idleness! How would you like it yourself? No wonder he feels misunderstood, yearns for the unattainable, and gets himself into trouble generally.
Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel, 1914.
