Zombies « Quotulatiousness

March 16, 2020

Cognitive dissonance, family style

Filed under: Government, Health, Humour, Politics, USA — Tags: CognitiveDissonance, DonaldTrump, Epidemic, Severian, Teenagers, WuhanCoronavirus, Zombies — Nicholas @ 05:00

Severian has some fun discussing current events with a nephew:

Image from Castle of Chaos – https://castleofchaos.com/blog/5-tips-for-surviving-a-zombie-apocalypse/

Just recently I had some fun with one of my nephews, who’s unexpectedly home for “Spring Break.”

Let’s take this Wuhan Flu thing seriously, I said. But since that hits a little too close to home, let’s pretend it’s a zombie outbreak. I want you to take it 100% seriously. The zombie virus has made it to our shores. It’s not too bad yet, but there’s definitely a walking dead situation. So … what do you want the government to do?

Nephew of course starts rattling off all the Chuck Norris fantasies young college guys have. Close the ports, call out the army, firebomb the streets wherever infected are sighted, yadda yadda. All of this is translated from the teenager, but you get the gist of it:

Me: Ok. Now, since we’ve stipulated that we’re taking this 100% seriously: Do you really want to give the government the power to do all that?

Nephew: Of course!

Me: Ok. Well then, do you really want to give Donald Trump the power to do that?

Nephew: Oh my god no!!! Orange Man bad!!!

Me: Now wait a minute, Nephew. You just said you’re taking this 100% seriously. You just said you want the government to have the power to set up flamethrower checkpoints on all major roads. Well, who is the current head of the government?

Nephew: But … but … but … Orange Man BAD!!!!

Me: Remember, Nephew, you promised to take this 100% seriously. So are you seriously telling me that the first thing you’d do, in the event of the zombie outbreak, is call an emergency presidential election, in the hopes that someone — Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard, somebody — would win, so that the right kind of person could take all those measures you said were so very, very, very immediately necessary?

Nephew: Uhhhh … no, I guess not.

Me: So you do want to give Donald Trump that power, since he is, in fact, the current head of the United States government?

Nephew: Oh my god no! Orange Man BAAAAAAADDDD!!!!

Me: Well then I guess you’re just not serious about this zombie outbreak, are you?

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April 1, 2014

Wranglers of Death official trailer

Filed under: Humour, Media — Tags: Movies, Parody, Zombies — Nicholas @ 12:24

Published on 1 Apr 2014

In a last-ditch effort to save their family, a group of cowboys drive a dangerous herd to Hollywood.

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January 13, 2014

Zombies coming? Here, take this.

Filed under: Cancon, Technology, Weapons — Tags: BladedWeapons, Swords, Zombies — Nicholas @ 15:03

My very old friend Darrell Markewitz is offering a course on “Building a ZOMBIE KILLER” at The Wareham Forge north of Orangeville this summer:

This two day, 16 hour session is for FUN, FUNCTION – and PREPARATION.
Learn the basics of building a simple forge, improvising an anvil and other tools, all while making your own bladed weapons for the Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse!
Projects include a spear head and single edged cleaver to add to your bug out kit.

You Will Make a Big Stickin’ Spear Head
Wareham Forge - Zombie spear

a Small Practice Knife
Wareham Force - Zombie knife

a Massive Cutting Cleaver
Wareham Force - Zombie cleaver

This program does not require any previous metalworking experience, and is of interest to anyone wanting to be truly prepared!
Course fee of $325 (+HST) includes coffee and materials.

As well as the projects above, this course covers:

Building a simple forge,
Improvised anvils,
Tools in a pinch,
Scrounging materials from the Ruins,
How to hammer like you Mean It,
Basics of Heat Treating
Getting the Point (and sharpening to an edge)

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October 26, 2013

The media zombie horde

Filed under: Humour, Media, Politics, USA — Tags: BarackObama, BillClinton, Newspapers, Scandal, TV, Zombies — Nicholas @ 10:24

In The Goldberg File email, Jonah Goldberg memorably characterizes the modern media:

When I go to Alaska to visit the Fair Jessica’s people, I’ll often hear some version of a joke about grizzly bears. The gist is, if a bear is chasing you, you don’t need to be faster than the bear, you need to be faster than the guy you’re hiking with. A similar dynamic applies in scandals of this nature: You don’t have to be blameless, you just need to be harder to blame than the other guy.

That’s because the media tends to stalk its prey like the unthinking zombie horde it so often is. Twenty miscreants, malefactors, and scalawags could be in on some scheme to defraud or bilk the public fisc, and the zombie horde will start chasing all of them, but the zombies will stop to feed on the first poor soul who can’t keep up.

Now Bill Clinton always understood this. Whenever it was necessary, he’d reassure his co-conspirators and enablers that he had their back, right up until the minute he found it necessary to handcuff them to the rear fender of a broken down Ford Pinto. Sometimes he varied his techniques, of course. Here’s a reenactment of how Bill Clinton treated Webb Hubbell. But you could always count on Bill to climb to safety over the backs of those who trusted him most.

Barack Obama, who holds a patent on a device that hurls aides and friends under a bus from great distances, also understands this. That is why Kathleen Sebelius these days looks a lot like a Soviet general on his way to brief Stalin on the early “progress” in the battle of Stalingrad.

Anyway, yesterday’s hearings were just the early try-outs. There are 55 contractors and countless nameless bureaucrats who can be thrown into the Great Pit of Carkoon (“You’re just determined to keep mixing metaphors aren’t you?” — The Couch) and given the full scope of this fustercluck, they could all be made to walk the plank before this is over.

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April 28, 2011

Want a secure home? Even want it zombie-proof? Here you go

Filed under: Randomness — Tags: Housing, Interesting, Security, Zombies — Nicholas @ 12:12

The first house to be certified as Zombie-proof:

“The most essential item for our clients was acquiring the feeling of maximum security,” begins the designers’ website in the summary of the structure. Who wouldn’t feel safe in a concrete rectangle that folds in upon itself to become completely sealed? Even the windows are covered with a slab of concrete when the structure is on nap time.

The house, with its movable walls, has only one entrance, which is located on the second floor after crossing a drawbridge. Seems like the perfect opportunity to use a flamethrower and defend the life of your family, while stylishly nesting in a piece of architectural elitism.

Lots of pictures at the original post. Here’s your drawbridge: