As a Charter Member of the Canadian Vast-Right Wing Conspiracy, Toronto Chapter, let me express my shock and horror at being discovered. Yes, me and the PM go way back. Oh, how we used to laugh away the nights, with talk of throwing widows and orphans into the cold winter night. That’s Social Darwinism, baby! Then we used to slap some waitresses around, because that’s what us right wing guys do. I used to sell bumpstickers that said “Scrooge was Right!” My winter coat is made of adorable puppy fur. The Prime Minister has a matching coat I gave him for Christmas.
Everytime Stephen Harper slashes a social program he laughs manically. I’ve seen him do it. He signs the Orders in Council with the blood of orphans. He says orphan blood flows more smoothly than that of children who are loved. Laureen Harper is not a real blond, it’s a wig. Part of an elaborate disguise to hide her actual Cruella de Vil looks. There is a hidden agenda and you clever folks have figured it all out.
The typical voter is just too dumb to understand the vast and subtle complexity of our plot. It’s rather clever. You see Stephie — as his friends call him — has for the last three years tried to lull Canadians to sleep, except you vigilant chaps. Way back in 2004-5 the federal government’s expenditures stood at $210.5 billion. Under two years of brilliant neo-con rule the expenditures reached $232.8 billion for 2007-8. By 2009-10 expenditures are projected to reach $258.6 billion. Hold on, you say, those are substantial increases? Exactly! By increasing government spending the Conservatives have convinced Canadians they are nice and friendly quasi-socialists. But just wait for that majority government! They’ll start cutting like there is no tomorrow, and for you Left-wing chaps that’s about right.
Publius, “News Alert: Stephen Harper Has a Hidden Agenda”, Gods of the Copybook Headings, 2009-07-29
July 30, 2009
QotD: Conspiracy unmasked!
July 29, 2009
QotD: Conspiracy theorists
Science fiction writer Damon Knight once claimed that the popularity of conspiracy theories could be explained by our “desire to believe that there is some group of folks who know what they’re doing.”
Wishful thinking. And few “groups of folks” have displayed less aptitude in the art of keeping secrets than government.
Yet no matter who is in power, no matter how incompetent they may be, there always exists this irate minority that believes politicians possess supernatural powers of deception.
The mystery the nation faces isn’t President Barack Obama’s birth certificate. The mystery is how any American could believe that all the president’s former political opponents, both the Republican and Democratic parties, Hawaiian officials and two Honolulu newspapers (nay, the entire press corps) could work in concert to conceal the biggest con of the eon.
David Harsanyi, “Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind: What the Obama birth certificate conspiracy says about American politics”, Reason Online, 2009-07-29
