Quotulatiousness

May 31, 2011

Colby Cosh tweets

Filed under: Cancon, Humour, Technology — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 09:49

Colby Cosh works for Maclean’s, which is owned by the same corporate entity that provides his cell phone service. He’s not been impressed with his employer’s other line of business:

Tue 31 May 04:28 (On the whole, I would rather buy a mealworm-infested phone from a Somali pirate than deal with Rogers any further.)

Tue 31 May 04:32 (A pirate prob wouldn’t tell me how *lucky* I was to get a refurbished battery to replace the inert one in the phone he sold me 4 wks ago.)

Tue 31 May 04:34 (…which I had to relinquish for 2 weeks in order for the incalculably complex operation of “swapping in a working battery” to be executed.)

Tue 31 May 04:34 (…Not a NEW battery, mind you. I bought the PHONE new, but the replacement battery is refurbished. I am explicitly supposed to be grateful.)

May 28, 2011

Feeling optimistic about peoples’ common sense?

Filed under: Humour, Media, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 00:15

A few visits to this site will quickly disabuse you of that feeling.


It’s how some folks on Facebook react to stories from The Onion as if it was real news.

May 24, 2011

Forget May 21st: world now ending October 21st says Camping

Filed under: Humour, Media, Religion — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 09:42

If you were terribly let down not to ascend on Saturday, don’t worry: Harold Camping has recalculated the correct day of the Rapture!

California preacher Harold Camping is unrepentant following his second unsuccessful attempt to predict Judgment Day, and now says true believers should pack their bags for ascension to heaven on 21 October.

Camping’s first stab at nailing the Rapture advised Christians to get their earthly affairs in order before 6 September 1994. When the world failed to end, due to a “mathematical error”, he reset the clock for last Saturday at 6pm EST.

Christians expecting a rapturous elevation to glory were once again left twiddling their thumbs and their Bibles, but Camping now says he simply misinterpreted the word of God and 21 May “was not really the end of the world but the spiritual beginning of the physical end”, as the San Francisco Chronicle explains.

So the good news is that the world didn’t experience the Rapture on Saturday, and that we don’t get five months of Satan striding among us waving his evil appendages in the faces of the doomed, while those taken up in the Rapture watch us from Heaven, exulting in our pain and suffering while gobbling down popcorn-flavoured Manna bits. The bad news is it all comes to an end on October 21st anyway.

May 22, 2011

Taiwan’s CGI animators do “The Rapture”

Filed under: Humour, Media, Religion — Tags: — Nicholas @ 13:08

May 21, 2011

End of the world playlist suggestions

Filed under: Humour, Media, Religion — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 10:31

Because whether you ascend in the Rapture or are one of the ones left behind, you’ll want to have an appropriate playlist on your iPod:

  • You’d have to have “The End” by the Doors, of course. And “Welcome to the End” by Bif Naked. Oh, and of course “Rapture” by Blondie.
  • @Crystal11: I’m going with “Until the End of the World” & “Last Night On Earth” (both U2)
  • @Metz77: “The End” (The Beatles)
  • @grahamlavery: “At least (It’s not the end of the world)” Super Furry Animals
  • @nightfallcub: Morrissey “There Is A Place In Hell (For Me And My Friends)”
  • @neilhimself: (Oh that’s clever) @Gem_Clair: “Easy Like Sunday Morning” – Lionel Richie
  • @TrumanAragorn: “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab For Cutie
  • @Valya: “The Sky’s Gone Out” (Bauhaus)
  • @hmmarcus: “I Don’t Want To Set The World On Fire” – The Inkspots
  • @MitchBenn: The Byrds: “You Ain’t Going Nowhere”
  • @alandhisguitar: got to include “We will all go together when we go” by Tom Lehrer.
  • There are just too many appropriate songs by Yngwie Malmsteen to list . . . “My Resurrection”, “Alone in Paradise”, “Like an Angel”, “Seventh Sign”, “Arpeggios from Hell”, “Heaven Tonight”, and so on.

Idea stolen from Neil Gaiman’s @neilhimself Twitter feed.

May 18, 2011

If you take typography seriously, you will surely go mad

Filed under: Humour, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 15:51

Frequent commenter Lickmuffin sent in this link with the subject line “This is amusing AND SPOT ON!”.

This is freaking me out today. You see, I hardly look at my calendar date on the iPhone. But today I did. I looked at that pixel-perfect, beautiful Retina screen and this problem got instantly into my eye, like a white hot scalpel pinching through my retina until it reached the back of my skull.

See what I mean? Can you see IT? The 1 is off center. Instead of being optically centered, it’s geometrically centered. So it just looks wrong. Really, what happened there, Steve? Where did all that love for typography and attention to detail go? Out the fucking window of your silver Merc, that’s where.

Perhaps this is some kind of cruel April Fools joke from Cupertino. Maybe they are all at the office, hahahing at their clever joke. OK. I don’t find it fucking funny, but I understand your desire to torture your users.

But rather than leaving it there, whimpering, Lickmuffin was suddenly seized with a typographical fit:

Well, the “all phones have it wrong” answer might be correct. [Name] sent me the Gizmodo link through Skype, and I went on and on about why the 1 is off:

[2:10:58 PM] Lickmuffin: The 1 is off centre because they are centering on the width of the entire character — that serif off to the left with no serif on the right of the 1 makes the whole character appear off-center.

[2:13:46 PM] Lickmuffin: The “wrong” version 1 has about 44 pixels on either side of it, measured on the left from the edge of the white box to the serif, and on the right from the edge of the white box to the body of the 1. I say “about” because how you measure depends on whether or not you include the aliasing in the character.

[2:14:26 PM] Lickmuffin: In the “wrong” illustration, the 1 is off-center — it measures 41 pixels from the white box border on the left, and 49 pixels from the white box border on the right.

[2:15:56 PM] Lickmuffin: What the author is complaining about is common — graphical apps tend to base centering on overall character width. For example, when I create callouts in an illustration that have a number in a circle, simply centering the number in the circle will not always look right: the 1 is usually off, especially with sans-serif fonts. The graphics apps center on the width of the 1 as an object, not on the “visual center” of the character that would make it look right.

[2:18:49 PM] Lickmuffin: There are ways to fix this — fonts can carry information called “metrics” that help align fonts when they are placed together. Most often, metrics are used to adjust side-by-side spacing of characters by nudging characters closer together when they fit together. For example: WA Here the app (or the font) would nudge the W and A together. In the case of the 1, metrics could tell apps to center the character on an imaginary centre line, rather than on the actual centre line determined by the character’s width.

[2:19:01 PM] Lickmuffin: Fonts are F A S C I N A T I N G !

Yes, I know that the dongle on the “1” is not a serif — it’s actually part of the “stroke” of the letter. But you know what I mean.

Humph.

After his collapse, I understand that Lickmuffin is now lying down quietly in a darkened room with no visible letters or numbers. Perhaps he will recover, in time.

May 11, 2011

QotD: The instinctive reaction to progress

Filed under: Humour, Media, Quotations, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 12:39

I suppose earlier generations had to sit through all this huffing and puffing with the invention of television, the phone, cinema, radio, the car, the bicycle, printing, the wheel and so on, but you would think we would learn the way these things work, which is this:

1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;

2) anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it;

3) anything that gets invented after you’re thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it until it’s been around for about ten years when it gradually turns out to be alright really.

Apply this list to movies, rock music, word processors and mobile phones to work out how old you are.

Douglas Adams, “How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Internet”, Sunday Times, 1999-08-29

May 8, 2011

Can you tell the difference between Apple fans and cult members?

Filed under: Humour, Religion, Technology — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 00:02

An amusing comparison from PC World:

Some tech fanboys and fangirls become so lost in the technology of their choice that it becomes a big part of their identity. Cult members do something similar, only with a spiritual belief system or philisophical concept.

Covering tech for as long as we have (and reading our message boards), we can’t help but notice that tech fanboys and girls sometimes talk like those people who wear purple capes and Nike tennis shoes, or who drink the grape Kool-Aid and then go to sleep.

To make the point, we’ve assembled here a group of quotes, some of which are from tech fan boys and fan girls while others are from real cult members. Can you tell the difference? We’ll give you the answers at the bottom of the page. Good luck (you’ll need it)!

May 6, 2011

Rookie NDP MPs already triggering change in parliamentary procedure

Filed under: Cancon, Humour, Politics — Tags: — Nicholas @ 09:19

From an email conversation with Jon, my former virtual landlord:

In other news, you heard about the proposal to change parliamentary procedures to accommodate the new Diaper Dippers? MPs will now be able to vote with —

  • Aye
  • Nay
  • Like OMG, whatever.

I want to be a teenage MP — it’s like winning a lottery! I take it that these kids will get their $150K+ annual salary whether they attend parliament or not, correct? Or is an MP’s pay based on some sort of performance criteria?

I can’t believe I just asked that.

ROTLMAO.

May 3, 2011

How to referee a philosophical discussion

Filed under: Humour, Randomness — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 09:48

Brilliant and (potentially) useful post from davidad:

H/T to Alex Tabarrok for the link.

April 29, 2011

QotD: The NFL draft is “The Oscars for Straight Men”

Filed under: Football, Humour, Media, Quotations — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 13:59

Some comedian once called the NFL Draft “The Oscars for Straight Men,” and there is something to that label. While everyone will “grade” the teams’ drafts, and fans will argue and kibitz about who their team should have drafted, there are no definitive winners or losers. One of the more ridiculous aspects of the day is how every team claims to have gotten the players they wanted or rated highest. Just once, it would be thrilling to hear a general manager come out and say, “Look, we know he’s a reach, but all of the guys we rated highest were picked already, the coach and head scout got into a screaming match, the clock was ticking down and so I flipped a coin. Knowing his pain-in-the-tush agent, he’s probably going to hold out most of training camp, anyway.”

Jim Geraghty, “Why Is the Draft So Engrossing to NFL Fans?”, National Review, 2011-04-29

April 28, 2011

Just for you efficiency fans

Filed under: History, Humour, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 11:42

The world’s least efficient machine:

More information about this modern day wonder here.

April 27, 2011

The xkcd Guide to Making People Feel Old

Filed under: Humour, Media — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 07:32

xkcd Guide to Making People Feel Old
Original here.

April 23, 2011

A neat way to address software piracy

Filed under: Gaming, Humour, Technology — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:52

I still find it hard to believe that Cracked, of all the media entities from the pre-internet era, is worth visiting (and linking to). However, this is good stuff:

The [Arkham Asylum] developers included a little bit of extra code to detect when the game has been pirated, a common tactic used to track a company’s losses or simply mess with cheap people. The game is mostly unchanged when hacked, with one seemingly minor exception: Batman’s glider cape is hilariously unusable and has the aerodynamics of a piece of cardboard riddled with bullet holes.

It’s not that the cape is faulty, apparently; it’s simply that your version of Batman doesn’t know how to use it. Instead of gliding from one surface to another, Batman simply opens his wings over and over like a total ass-clown, causing him to lose altitude and fall down. It’s like you’re being forced to play with the pudgy Batman copycat from the beginning of The Dark Knight.

All the other gadgets still work, so you can always fight your way across the level on foot, right? Well, yeah, except that without the glider cape you’ll be completely stranded in a certain room — you know, the one filled with poisonous gas. That’s right, in the pirated version of Arkham Asylum, the always-prepared Dark Knight is such an useless idiot that he gets himself killed due to his shitty cape.

This trick gets misconstrued a lot as a simple game glitch, so you have people like this guy asking what’s wrong with his game at the official Eidos message board … only for the forum administrator to explain the situation and tell him: “It’s not a bug in the game’s code, it’s a bug in your moral code [punk].

Is this where the “ponygirl” fetish got started?

Filed under: History, Humour, Randomness — Tags: — Nicholas @ 12:32

One of a series of “WTF?” postings at How to be a Retronaut may show the origin of the “ponygirl” fetish. (I would advise you not to Google Image Search for that . . . unless that’s what you are interested in):

« Newer PostsOlder Posts »

Powered by WordPress