Quotulatiousness

June 1, 2010

Less than sporting, I realize

Filed under: Environment, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 07:07

Chris Greaves sent me this link, saying “I found this in what appears to be the sporting section of CNN. Something about BP having to admit that their balls don’t work.”

Favourite comment from the site:

td52
CNN: BP announced today that their next attempt will be to drain the entire Gulf of water thereby allowing cement trucks to be driven to the site of the leak. When asked how this was going to be accomplished they said that they replied ” We are still working out the small details.”

Update: Everyone’s getting in on the cheap yucks. Here’s Colby Cosh: “You know this BP spill in the Gulf is bad — they’re running out of strategies with names borrowed from some Japanese guy’s sexual playbook.”

May 26, 2010

QotD: Facebook privacy follies

Filed under: Humour, Quotations, Technology — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:44

All 1,472 employees of Facebook, Inc. reportedly burst out in uncontrollable laughter Wednesday following Albuquerque resident Jason Herrick’s attempts to protect his personal information from exploitation on the social-networking site. “Look, he’s clicking ‘Friends Only’ for his e-mail address. Like that’s going to make a difference!” howled infrastructure manager Evan Hollingsworth, tears streaming down his face, to several of his doubled-over coworkers. “Oh, sure, by all means, Jason, ‘delete’ that photo. Man, this is so rich.”

“Entire Facebook Staff Laughs As Man Tightens Privacy Settings”, The Onion, 2010-05-26

May 22, 2010

The worst beverage in America

Filed under: Food, Health, USA — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 20:10

Thank goodness this chain isn’t in operation anywhere near here:

May 19, 2010

The 2012 Olympic organizers want to give your children nightmares

Filed under: Britain, Media, Sports — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 15:05

At least, that’s the only explanation that seems to make sense:

May 14, 2010

Defence minister denies that the Navy to be cut by half

Filed under: Cancon, Government, Military — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 09:57

Canada’s Minister of National Defence Peter MacKay claims that the following operational changes to Canada’s naval forces do not constitute a serious cut:

The directive was sent to maritime forces on the west and east coasts, as well as to senior officers in charge of naval reservists.

The letter says:

– The fleet of Kingston-class maritime coastal defence vessels will be reduced to six ships from 12.

– Three frigates, HMCS Montreal, St John’s and Vancouver, will now be conducting domestic and continental missions to a “limited degree.”

– Combat systems on HMCS Toronto and HMCS Ottawa, as well as on HMCS Athabaskan, will be “minimally supported to enable safe to navigate sensors and communications only.”

– A key weapon system on board the Protecteur-class supply ships designed to destroy incoming missiles “will not be supported.”

Jedi Master MacKay is attempting a mind trick: “these are not the defence cuts you’re looking for”.

May 4, 2010

Introducing the Greaves Underdog Strategy

Filed under: Britain, Media, Politics — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 07:04

Occasional commenter Chris Greaves sent me this link, saying

Read down towards the bottom:

“Duffy told the Mail she wasn’t impressed. “Sorry is a very easy word, isn’t it,” she was quoted as saying, adding that she would not be casting her vote for Brown — or anyone else — in the election.”

Herein lie the seeds for the Greaves Underdog Strategy:

* If you are the underdog, insult as many bigoted voters as you can reach; it inoculates them against voting, thereby reducing the overdog’s lead.

Gordon Brown is right on track . . .

May 3, 2010

Virginia cracks down on smut . . . on the state seal

Filed under: Politics, USA — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 08:57

Some folks just don’t “get” art. Others think they do, but they’re wrong:

Virginia’s attorney general Ken Cuccinelli is hard at work on the important issues of the day — like making sure the Roman goddess depicted on his state’s official seal isn’t exposing herself.

The current seal shows “Virtus, the goddess of virtue, dressed as a warrior,” with her foot resting “on the chest of the figure of tyranny, who is lying on the ground.” She is holding a spear and her left breast is exposed.

Or at least it was exposed. At a recent meeting, Cuccinelli provided pins to his staff with a new seal on which “Virtus’ bosom is covered by an armored breastplate,” the Virginian-Pilot reported. These new pins were not paid for by taxpayer dollars, Cuccinelli’s office insisted.

April 29, 2010

All the spin that’s fit to print: Bigotgate

Filed under: Britain, Media, Politics — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 07:52

After British PM Gordon Brown accidentally threw himself into the political woodchipper with a remark about a “bigoted woman”, the spin doctors are having a time with it:

Matthew Taylor, former chief adviser on political strategy to Tony Blair

“It is clearly disastrous and also a terrible thing to happen before the final leaders’ debate, which Gordon Brown has to win. He’s given Clegg and Cameron ammunition. The only thing is that expectations now will be so low. They won’t be on the floor, they will be in the cellar. Rock bottom. He’ll have to pull off the performance of the century.”

Olly Grender, former director of communications for the Lib Dems:

“This is the second electric moment in the campaign, the first being the first leaders’ debate. It is going to dominate every news bulletin and will be trailed particularly by the rightwing media. It was classic Gordon Brown, speaking to somebody, giving her a list of six things without asking her anything.

[. . .]

Iain Dale, Conservative political commentator and former political lobbyist

“I can’t remember any politician doing anything this crass. We’ve had this sort of thing before. Who would have thought that when Prescott punched someone it would do his reputation good? But he called a 66-year-old woman a bigot. If we call anyone a bigot who mentions immigration, then that covers thousands of people.

[. . .]

Charlie Whelan, former press secretary for Gordon Brown

“It’s all media clatter rubbish. What makes this story exciting is the media are involved. You’ve got human interest, then you fling in the media and, hey bingo: the wonderful moment the media have been looking for. It’s wonderful to talk about it and to Twitter about it, but normal people looking at it don’t see it in the same way.

Actually, Whelan may have the right idea: the whole situation has galvanized the British media, but it’s not yet clear if it will cause anything more than a temporary blip on the radar as far as the actual voting public is concerned.

April 27, 2010

Tech-clueless in Toronto

Filed under: Humour, Technology — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 11:08

I received the following rant from a reader who is experiencing some, um, technical challenges in his job. Not technical challenges for himself: boss and co-worker foundering under the foaming, rushing waters of technology:

They are going to drive me absolutely insane.

Did you know … that you can select the program with which to open a file by right-clicking on the file and selecting Open With…?

DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

That is the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, according to the oldsters. These guys could not figure out how to open a text file that has an extension other than .TXT. I showed them the Open With… twiddlebit, and now Head Oldster is busy adding the procedure to our internal style guide.

Gobsmacked with heartbroken outrage, I said “Dude. Anyone who has used Windows for any amount of time will know that. You don’t have to put it into our style guide.”

To which he responded: “I have been doing this for 20 years, and this is the first time I’ve heard of this. So it should be documented.”

I don’t know how much longer I can work here.

And to top if off, BOTH OF THEM are constantly getting calls from headhunters and former employers who want them back as contractors. How is that possible? Head Oldster can generally get through the day, but The New Guy — Judas on a Vespa with Cheese and Peppers. Watching him navigate through FrameMaker is like watching Stephen Hawking type out A Brief History of Time character-by-character with his eyeballs, minus the genius part of it.

The guy struggles to find the SAME FUNCTIONS THAT HE USES EVERY DAY in the menus. How can he possibly beswamped with job offers? IS THE ECONOMY DOING THAT WELL?

Crickey.

I have to admit, reading this rant made me feel better about my own work . . .

April 26, 2010

McAfee’s tech problem resolved: image problem will take much longer

Filed under: Technology — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 08:43

After the technical disaster of an anti-virus company releasing an update that shut down many of their customers’ computers, McAfee now has to cope with the public relations disaster:

After dealing with McAfee’s most recent fix that sabotaged Windows XP PC clients worldwide, users of the antivirus software headed over to Twitter to vent their rage, creating a public-relations and legal nightmare that will likely continue long after the last machine is patched.

“I hate McAfee,” more than one Tweeter wrote, summing up the frustration felt when a McAfee update identified a “normal Windows process” as malware and killed it, kicking off a death spiral for the affected machines.

Another Tweet: “McAfee DAT 5958, you’ve made…no wait, what’s the opposite of “made my day”?… you’ve DESTROYED MY DAY. hate you McAfee. HAAATEEEEE.”

“VirusScan,” another person Tweeted. “The cure is worse than the disease.”

I was fortunate, as fellow blogger William P. alerted me to the issue and I got home and turned off McAfee automatic updating before my desktop machine loaded the poison update.

April 22, 2010

British Lib Dem leader on Britain’s “war guilt”

Filed under: Britain, History, Politics, WW2 — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 12:20

The leader of Britain’s Liberal Democrats may have a lot of apologizing to do after an article he wrote as a member of the European parliament came to light:

A rattled Nick Clegg today sought to defend himself over his claim that the British people have a ‘more insidious cross to bear’ than Germany over World War II.

The Lib Dem leader attempted to laugh off criticism of his astonishing attack on our national pride — in which he said we suffered ‘delusions of grandeur’ and a ‘misplaced sense of superiority’ over having defeated the horrors of Nazism.

Campaigning ahead of tonight’s crucial second live TV showdown with party leaders, Mr Clegg said: ‘I must be the only politician who has gone from being Churchill to being a Nazi in under a week.’

Then again, despite the apparent anti-British taint, it might gain him votes in some crucial swing ridings where anti-British feelings are treasured and welcomed.

Update: Sorry about the original headline . . . must have started a cut-and-paste and then forgotten to fix it. Fixed now.

QotD: Ignatieff’s gun registry position

Filed under: Cancon, Law, Liberty, Quotations — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 08:40

Ignatieff feels that by tweaking the system, he can make it more palatable to rural Canadians and less objectionable to the eight Liberals who originally voted for its abolition. He thinks that by dropping the renewal fees registered gun owners pay and making failure to register a ticketing rather than criminal violation for first-time offenders, he has struck a compromise that will allow him to rein in his caucus while still being seen as a champion of gun control.

He hasn’t. Ignatieff’s plan won’t make a single Canadian safer. It will make the dysfunctional, obsolete registry more expensive while simultaneously making it weaker. The registry has already failed and permanently alienated large swaths of voters from the Liberal party. Why is Ignatieff the last person to realize this?

To accomplish his “goals,” Ignatieff has not only decided to write off any hopes for a Liberal expansion into rural Canada for a generation, further relegating his party to also-ran status anywhere outside of downtown Toronto and Montreal, but has also called into question his much-discussed respect for Parliament. Private member’s bills have traditionally been opportunities for all MPs to vote their conscience — an important tradition Ignatieff would set aside just to prop up the long-gun registry.

Matt Gurney, “Michael Ignatieff’s brand new mistake”, National Post, 2010-04-22

April 21, 2010

“The biggest defeat for internet freedom in the UK since it opened for business”

Filed under: Britain, Law, Media, Technology — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 10:12

Andrew Orlowski looks at the overwhelming legislative victory for the music industry in the UK:

Back in January, a senior music business figure explained to me that Clause 17, which gave open-ended powers to the Secretary of State, was unlikely to survive the wash-up. But he didn’t much care; the other sections which compelled the ISPs to take action against infringers were good enough. Anything else was a bonus – possibly even a distraction. Yet to the amazement of the music business, web blocking is now legislation.

I think this is a watershed in internet campaigning. It’s not just a tactical defeat, it’s a full-on charge of the light brigade, and the biggest defeat for internet freedom in the UK since it opened for business. I’ve spent time talking to legislators and protagonists, and concluded that it was avoidable. Much of the argument was already lost when the Bill was introduced last November, admittedly, but campaigners’ tactics made a bad situation worse. This explodes the idea — sometimes called the ‘Overton Window’ in the jargon — that by adopting an extreme position, you pull the centre ground your way. The digital rights campaigners forced waverers into the music business camp, and hardened their support for tougher measures against file sharers.

In the end, the BPI wiped the floor with the Open Rights Group.

April 15, 2010

“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Oh, never mind . . .”

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Health, Media — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 09:04

Marni Soupcoff points out that the World Health Organization should have been far more forthcoming after their intial “the sky is falling” announcements caused panic last year over H1N1:

Admit your mistakes before others exaggerate them. That’s the oft-quoted wry advice of writer and retired surgeon Dr. Andrew V. Mason. Perhaps the World Health Organization (WHO) was trying to follow it this week by convening a three-day meeting of outside experts to review the organization’s handling of the recent swine flu outbreak. The problem is, despite claiming to want to know what went wrong as much as what went right, the WHO seems unwilling to even entertain the possibility that it created a counterproductive panic by labelling H1N1 a pandemic of the highest order (“level 6”).

Swine flu, as you’ve probably realized by now, has turned out to be a mild, not particularly deadly virus — it’s certainly far less deadly than the regular seasonal flu that most of us consider a mundane part of everyday life. If one were feeling charitable toward the WHO, one could point out that it didn’t know back in the spring of last year — when it shouted “level 6!” from the rooftops — that H1N1 would prove to be such a relatively innocuous bug. But it’s precisely because it didn’t know that the WHO should have been more cautious with its labelling. You don’t shout “fire” in a crowded theatre just because it smells like the popcorn might be a little on the burnt side. It’s not worth the chaos and alarm you might cause. (Or in this case, the run on vaccines and the resorting to quacks and sketchy “home” remedies.)

Between the unrestrained use of the term “pandemic” and the noted ability of the mass media to hype real and imagined risks, it’s almost surprising we didn’t have doomsday-style cults spring up over H1N1.

March 29, 2010

Nanny state to prevent the Queen from using stairs

Filed under: Cancon, Media, Military — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 09:40

I find this hard to believe:

A row over a staircase has led to the Queen withdrawing from an appearance at the Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo during her forthcoming visit to Canada.

The tattoo would seem to be an ideal event to be graced by Her Majesty. It was a favourite of the late Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, who opened the original one in 1979, and gained its royal title in honour of the Queen’s 80th birthday in 2006.

However, the Canadians reckon that Her Majesty is too old to manage the stairs.

Insulting and idiotic. Nicely played, organizers! You get to look like right twits, you’ve managed to offend the Queen, and you still appear as blithering bureaucratic meddlers to the rest of us.

He added: “If it is a condition [to use the stairs] for her to turn up then we can’t accept it. Do people still get their heads chopped off for defying the Queen?”

If. Only.

H/T to Taylor Empire Airways for the link.

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