Quotulatiousness

February 25, 2011

“epistemicfail” calls on liberals to stop the evil Koch brothers

Filed under: Economics, Humour, Politics, USA — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 09:21

“epistemicfail” is trying to rally liberal and progressive forces to recognize and combat the evil that is embodied in the Koch brothers:

The KOCH brothers must be stopped. They gave $40K to Scott Walker, the MAX allowed by state law. That’s small potatoes compared to the $100+ million they give to other organizations. These organizations will terrify you. If the anti-union thing weren’t enough, here are bigger and better reasons to stop the evil Kochs. They are trying to:

   1. decriminalize drugs,

   2. legalize gay marriage,

   3. repeal the Patriot Act,

   4. end the police state,

   5. cut defense spending.

Who hates the police? Only the criminals using drugs, amirite? We need the Patriot Act to allow government to go through our emails and tap our phones to catch people who smoke marijuana and put them in prison. Oh, it’s also good for terrorists.

Wikipedia shows Koch Family Foundations supporting causes like:

   1. CATO Institute

   2. Reason Foundation

   3. cancer research ($150 million to M.I.T. – STOP THEM! KEEP CANCER ALIVE!)

   4. ballet (because seriously: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koch_Family_Foundations

The Kochs basically give a TON of money (millions of dollars) to the CATO Institute. Scott Walker, $40K? HAH! These CATO people are the REAL problem. They want to end the War on Drugs. Insane, right? We know that the War on Drugs keeps us SAFE from Mexicans and keeps all that violence on their side of the fence. More than 30,000 Mexicans killed as of December! Thank God Mexican lives don’t count as human lives. Our government is doing a good, no, a great job protecting us and seriously, who cares about brown people or should I say non-people? HAHAHA! Public unions are good, government is good, and government protects us from drugs and brown people. The Kochs want to end all that. Look, as far back as 1989 CATO has been trying to decriminalize drugs. Don’t worry, nobody listens to them because they are INSANE.

Let’s hope they heed his call.

February 24, 2011

The truth about software licenses

Filed under: Humour, Law, Media, Technology — Tags: — Nicholas @ 07:53

Dilbert.com

February 23, 2011

If you like Munchkin and zombies, you’ll love Munchkin Zombies

Filed under: Gaming, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 13:07

GeekDad on the latest offering from Steve Jackson Games in the Munchkin franchise:

What Is It? Unless you’ve been living under a pile of rotting flesh, you’ve probably played (or at least heard of) the merriment of Munchkin, a role-playing card game from Steve Jackson Games. This tasteless diversion has spawned dozens of sequels and expansions, including the latest sequel, Munchkin Zombies. Nearly all of the Munchkin games are illustrated by the Gerent of Geek, John Kovalic. The game will be hitting stores later this spring, in April, but read on to learn how you might score a copy earlier!

[. . .]

Is It Fun – Will I Like It? Munchkin is a wonderfully enjoyable game and Munchkin Zombies only improves on the concept because, well, it has zombies and the undead make everything better (excluding the ‘08 remake of Day of the Dead). If you’ve never played Munchkin, you owe it to yourself to try — for one simple reason. While the game is challenging, funny and a roaring good geeky time on its own, it also contains a screw-over-your-neighbor component that will have you plotting revenge … before you’ve even been wronged. We absolutely loved playing Munchkin Zombies and, if I may make a suggestion, staying in zombie character throughout the game enhances the fun exponentially.

If nothing convinces the makers of bad zombie movies that the genre is, uh, dead, then having a parody game like this on the market at least makes it possible to get your fill of zombies without going to the theatre.

February 22, 2011

A tale for our times

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Humour — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 07:25

Jon, my former virtual landlord, sent along this link:

A modern Romance novel
He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. “Just relax.”

Read the whole thing.

February 20, 2011

Tunnelling man desperate for coffee

Filed under: Cancon, Humour — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 00:09

An amusing story from Yolk Region News:

Duane Oppenheimer, 59 1/2, of Newmarket was charged with mischief and unlawful excavation on Wednesday evening, after cleaning staff at Upper Canada Mall discovered a large rectangular crack in a utility closet floor. The crack turned out to be a hatch leading to Oppenheimer’s tunnel, a 200-metre subterranean passageway that extended under the mall’s south parking lot and continued below Davis Drive into an adjacent subdivision where it emerged inside the Oppenheimer’s garage.

H/T to Jon, my former virtual landlord, who said “Who knew that people in Newmarket were so industrious?”.

February 14, 2011

“Skumavc likened it to the ‘infamous ping-pong ball scene’ in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Filed under: Australia, Humour, Randomness — Tags: — Nicholas @ 08:25

Lester Haines summarizes the sordid details:

A shaken Oz stag party reveller has recounted how he was left “battered and bloodied” after taking a head shot from a flying dildo.

According to this very silly report, 31-year-old Darwin architect Jure Skumavc joined groom-to-be Peter Rolih and around eight other pals in a Brisbane pad on 28 December for the traditional pre-nuptial blokes’ knees-up.

Evidently, it wasn’t just the revellers who got their knees well and truly up, because “a scantily clad exotic dancer” entertained the chaps with her party piece — “shooting dildos at the guests”.

Suffice it to say, regular Bootnotes readers will not require a technical description of how this works, but for those of you who’ve never caught a Bangkok floorshow, Skumavc likened it to the “infamous ping-pong ball scene” in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Skumavc explained that the entertainer was firing the artificial todger from one side of the room to the other — an estimated seven metres with a peak altitude of around two metres — apparently targetting guests with the “pink projectile”.

February 11, 2011

The Guild renewed for a fifth season

Filed under: Gaming, Humour, Media — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:59

Felicia Day and friends will be back for another season, thanks to Microsoft:

The Guild, in case you’re new, is the long-running series about a pack of socially awkward MMORPG addicts, created by Felicia Day and produced by Kim Evey. Launched independently in July 2007, the show has received over 100 million views (according to an official release) and attracted a worldwide fan base that fills convention halls.

I mention the convention thing because, as promised at the end of Season 4, the action of Season 5 will involve the characters attending a convention for the unnamed game they play. According to Evey, to handle this production requirement they’re not only considering shooting certain scenes at a small convention, but working with additional brands.

“We haven’t really had success with brand integration aside from Microsoft and Sprint, who help us make sure their brands are visible but not obnoxious,” Evey said via phone. “But the brands that we need now are brands which would sell their wares at a convention like this, and are willing to be in our show.”

February 9, 2011

I guess we’re all going to Hell

Filed under: Humour, Media, Religion — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 00:40


“Name Something You Pass Around” – Watch more Funny Videos

H/T to Jason “I’m still laughing” Ciastko for the link.

February 8, 2011

Packer fans’ code of conduct in Minnesota

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 07:29

Michael Rand offers some well-intentioned guidelines for euphoric Green Bay fans who happen to live in Viking country:

Here is our statement, on behalf of Vikings fans living in Minnesota: Congratulations to the Packers and their fans. Sunday’s Super Bowl victory was well-deserved. Aaron Rodgers is one of the best — if not the best? — quarterbacks in the NFL. Everything that happened from Jan. 24, 2010 (Vikings/Saints) until Sunday was pretty much the greatest thing that could have happened to Wisconsin. We understand this. You have the right to enjoy this. And you have bragging rights for the foreseeable future.

However … here is our advice to Packers fans living in our fair state: You will want to adhere to the guidelines set forth below — the Articles of Celebration — in order to bask in the post-Super Bowl afterglow safely, in moderation, and without getting punched by a pack of surly Vikings fans. (Note: Much of this, of course, assumes there is an NFL season)

February 7, 2011

Postmodern Monday

Filed under: Books, Humour, Media — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 08:21

A little postmodernism to lighten your Monday morning burdens:

Surrealism in the works of Rushdie

John N. Humphrey

Department of Sociolinguistics, University of Massachusetts, Amherst

1. Sontagist camp and capitalist theory

The main theme of the works of Rushdie is a self-justifying totality. The subject is interpolated into a capitalist theory that includes narrativity as a paradox.

It could be said that if Lyotardist narrative holds, we have to choose between Sontagist camp and the subcultural paradigm of narrative. Sontag suggests the use of surrealism to deconstruct class divisions.

Therefore, the subject is contextualised into a Sontagist camp that includes reality as a reality. Several sublimations concerning the role of the participant as observer may be discovered.

Thus, Porter[1] suggests that the works of Rushdie are postmodern. If constructive objectivism holds, we have to choose between capitalist theory and postdialectic narrative.

2. Rushdie and Sontagist camp

“Sexuality is part of the meaninglessness of language,” says Lacan. However, Sartre promotes the use of surrealism to analyse and read sexual identity. The subject is interpolated into a cultural rationalism that includes narrativity as a totality.

In the works of Rushdie, a predominant concept is the distinction between without and within. It could be said that Sontag uses the term ‘surrealism’ to denote a mythopoetical whole. Baudrillard suggests the use of neodeconstructivist desemioticism to challenge elitist perceptions of truth.

However, the subject is contextualised into a capitalist theory that includes art as a reality. A number of constructions concerning surrealism exist.

But the characteristic theme of Geoffrey’s[2] essay on materialist postcultural theory is the absurdity, and hence the paradigm, of capitalist class. The subject is interpolated into a capitalist theory that includes sexuality as a whole.

Thus, the example of surrealism prevalent in Rushdie’s Satanic Verses is also evident in Midnight’s Children, although in a more self-referential sense. Sontag promotes the use of Debordist image to analyse sexual identity.

However, the main theme of the works of Rushdie is not narrative, but subnarrative. Derrida uses the term ‘capitalist theory’ to denote the defining characteristic, and subsequent collapse, of neotextual art.

3. Consensuses of economy

If one examines the conceptualist paradigm of narrative, one is faced with a choice: either reject capitalist theory or conclude that consciousness is responsible for capitalism. Therefore, the characteristic theme of Parry’s[3] model of Lacanist obscurity is a posttextual paradox. Marx suggests the use of capitalist theory to deconstruct archaic perceptions of society.

However, Lacan uses the term ‘surrealism’ to denote not discourse, but subdiscourse. The primary theme of the works of Rushdie is the genre of capitalist class.

But Sartre uses the term ‘capitalist theory’ to denote a self-justifying totality. The subject is contextualised into a surrealism that includes truth as a reality.

4. Rushdie and Sontagist camp

The main theme of de Selby’s[4] analysis of surrealism is the role of the writer as participant. Thus, an abundance of theories concerning the common ground between sexual identity and class may be found. Derrida uses the term ‘Batailleist `powerful communication” to denote the role of the observer as participant.

In the works of Rushdie, a predominant concept is the concept of capitalist language. But the premise of surrealism implies that society, surprisingly, has significance, but only if truth is equal to reality; otherwise, Marx’s model of presemioticist narrative is one of “the textual paradigm of context”, and therefore part of the meaninglessness of narrativity. The characteristic theme of the works of Rushdie is the bridge between culture and sexual identity.

Thus, several desituationisms concerning Sontagist camp exist. Lyotard’s essay on capitalist theory states that reality is a product of the masses.

Therefore, Geoffrey[5] holds that we have to choose between surrealism and semantic theory. In The Moor’s Last Sigh, Rushdie reiterates capitalist theory; in The Ground Beneath Her Feet, although, he analyses Sontagist camp.

In a sense, Marx promotes the use of the neodialectic paradigm of narrative to modify and challenge language. Lacan uses the term ‘surrealism’ to denote the role of the artist as poet.


1. Porter, Z. ed. (1998) The Failure of Discourse: Surrealism in the works of Fellini. And/Or Press

2. Geoffrey, J. W. I. (1986) Sontagist camp and surrealism. Loompanics

3. Parry, J. K. ed. (1994) Reassessing Modernism: Surrealism in the works of Mapplethorpe. Cambridge University Press

4. de Selby, A. (1989) Nihilism, surrealism and neotextual libertarianism. University of California Press

5. Geoffrey, O. R. ed. (1974) Poststructural Narratives: Surrealism and Sontagist camp. Yale University Press

H/T to Andrew C. Bulhak and Josh Larios for the link.

February 4, 2011

Superbowl XLV storyline: sportscasters in the frigid cold

Filed under: Football, Humour, Media — Tags: , , , , , , — Nicholas @ 09:03

The Two Scotts spend a bit of time talking about the teams, but most of their column talking about how the brave network sports guys are bearing up under the unexpectedly cold weather:

Reid: Top three undeniable facts about Super Bowl XLV:

1. Sports Reporters Are Pussies. So far the most reportable item from the 2011 Super Bowl appears to be that it’s very coldy woldy. We had to spend days listening to ESPN’s Mike and Mike wussy aloud about how cold it was broadcasting outside until they finally moved their show indoors. And it seems every other reporter in Dallas assumes what the football-loving public wants to learn first is how they’re all holding up in the frigid air of north Texas. Yo candy apples, it’s barely dropped below freezing. Grow a pair!

[. . .]

Feschuk: Reid is right — how can you people think about football at a time like the Super Bowl? Have you not read the stories of valour and bravery from north Texas? Are you not aware of the HARDSHIP and SUFFERING being endured by members of media, who have been subjected to horrible injustices such as wind and having their corporate golf junkets cancelled? Reading their harrowing dispatches from the front lines, it’s clear that these reporters are pretty much exactly like the pro-democracy protesters in Egypt, except even more courageous because some of them forgot to bring warm socks. WE STAND WITH YOU, HEROES!

Honestly, did the US networks hire all of their current crop of sportscasters from Toronto? It would explain the whining about the weather . . .

Then again, the reporters had to write about something, and there are only so many times you can go on about Aaron Rodgers’ talent or interview the family of gypsies that lives in Brett Keisel’s beard. One news outlet in New Hampshire was so desperate that it actually ran a story about a local man who has the same name as Packers coach Mike McCarthy. Think about that. Think about how hard-up for a remotely engaging Super Bowl story the editor must have been to say out loud, “There’s someone else on this planet with the name Mike McCarthy?? AND HE LIVES HERE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE???? To the newsmobile!!!

Aside from the terrible, terrible burden of the weather, the next biggest problem (according to Reid) is this:

There are Not Enough Slutty Women in Texas. In what would constitute a crisis in any circumstance, an embarrassing shortage of prostitutes in the Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area during the Super Bowl may irreparably damage the city’s reputation among hard-up pigs. It is estimated that 10,000 hookers are needed to satisfy the drunken demands of fat corporate slobs who, left to their own charms, couldn’t pick up a slice of pizza. Dallas currently has less than half this number of ladies of the evening (not mention ladies of the afternoon, the late morning, the early morning and the Warren Sapp). In response, the Dallas mayor has been forced to implement emergency measures: Free tickets for Charlie Sheen and ‘friends’.

February 2, 2011

A tribute (of sorts) to Wiarton Willie

Filed under: Cancon, Humour, Media — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 10:04

John Scalzi, several years ago, wrote a tribute to Wiarton Willie, who was in the news in an unaccustomed way at the time:

To tell you the truth, the most disturbing thing is not that the groundhog died — certainly this animal earned his eternal rest — but that his handlers couldn’t think of anything better to do but tell a festival crowd that he had croaked. Those kids in the crowd will be forever traumatized. Groundhog Day will no longer be a happy time, but a constant reminder of death and mortality in the bleak midwinter. 10 years from now, I expect that Wiarton, Canada will become the new North American epicenter of dark, gothic teenage poetry.

Lying frozen in the snow
The groundhog soul resides far below
Gone to a place of doom and gray
Now winter will always stay.
Die Groundhog Die!
Mommy and Daddy Lied!

But wait, there’s more:

Now, on to the groundhog Wiarton Willie, who, as you know from yesterday’s entry, died before Groundhog Day and whose body was photographed lying in state in a dinky little pine coffin. Or was it? Now news comes from the sordid little burg of Wiarton, Canada, that the rodent corpse in the coffin was not Wiarton Willie at all, but a stuffed stand-in. The real Willie was apparently found so decomposed that the gelatinous remains were unsuitable for public display. So the town elders found a stuffed groundhog that just happened to be lying around (apparently the body of a previous “Wiarton Willie,” who was no doubt poisoned by the current, and now rotting, Willie in an unseemly palace coup), plopped it into that Barbie coffin, and presented the remains to a horrified public. Here’s the groundhog you’ve all been waiting for! And he’s dead! Winter for the next ten years!

The people of Wiarton meant well, I’m sure. But I’m having serious doubts as to their combined mental capacity. First off, the real Willy was found in a state of advanced decomposition, which means he had been dead for weeks. Weeks. How could that happen? This rodent is the cornerstone of Wiarton’s entire tourism economy for the month of February, and no one bothers to check on him from time to time? Did they just stick him in a cage after last Groundhog Day and then forget to feed him? Every kid in the world had a hamster they forgot to feed, but you’re usually, like, five at the time. These were actual adults. They say he was hibernating when he died. Sure he was. I used that excuse about the hamster.

January 29, 2011

A bit of history, from a Yeoman Warder at the Tower of London

Filed under: Britain, History, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 10:39

H/T to Craig Zeni for the link.

Inappropriate license plates, Virginia style

Filed under: Bureaucracy, Humour, USA — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 00:07

Jason Ciastko send a link to this article. You can see why the Virginia authorities decided to recall the license plate (but you’re probably wrong):

A Virginia motorist has apparently had to return their vanity license plate after the Department of Motor Vehicles decided it was too lewd for public roadways.

According to the user-generated news website Reddit, the DMV revoked a special-issue “Kids First” Virginia plate with the personalized license plate “EATTHE” to spell out the phrase, well, you know…

Full story, including the sad bureaucratic recall procedure, here.

Most reactions were like the one from a mom in a minivan plastered with pro-Christian bumper stickers who chased him down.

“I thought she was going to yell at me and tell me I’m going straight to hell, but she and her kids found it absolutely hilarious and she took pics of it with her kids next to the plate,” said Yeaman. “I learned my lesson on judging people before they speak.”

Sadly, the Virginia DMV didn’t talk to him before they judged him offensive and sent him a letter requesting the plates back immediately. With his brother’s encouragement, Yeaman requested a hearing with a mediator to keep the plates, which he didn’t find offensive.

H/T to Craig Zeni for the Jalopnik link.

January 24, 2011

Ten things you didn’t know about orgasm

Filed under: Health, History, Humour, Science — Tags: , — Nicholas @ 12:44

Probably NSFW, although it’s all science.

H/T to Radley Balko for the link.

« Newer PostsOlder Posts »

Powered by WordPress