Quotulatiousness

July 13, 2019

How to decode NFL training camp clichés

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

Ted Glover posted this earlier in the week, but — it being the deadest of dead spots in the NFL year — I didn’t see it until just now. While this is oriented to the upcoming Minnesota Vikings training camp (now in Eagan instead of the decades-long tradition of Mankata, MN), it almost certainly applies to your favourite NFL team’s training camp too:

In just under three weeks, the Minnesota Vikings will begin their second training camp in Eagan, MN. Although where they conduct training camp is still new, what they do at training camp is no different than when they spent over 50 years in Mankato. They will practice, assemble the 53 best players possible, and then compete to try and win the Super Bowl in February break our hearts in December or January.

During training camp, though, we want to know how our beloved Purple and Gold are doing, and whether or not they’re improving. Along with the offensive, defensive, and special teams drills and practice updates, the Vikings players and coaches will tell you how things are coming along using tried and true clichés. Some clichés have very specific meanings, while others can mean a wide variety of things, or apply to many players.

Obviously, players can’t say what they REALLY mean, especially if someone’s performance is substandard, or their coach is an idiot. So these tried and true clichés help us get to the real meaning of what is being said.

[…]

I/He am/is in the best shape of my/his career: This is used by a player that is clearly on the downside of their career, and is in serious danger of getting cut. This is usually used by either the player or his agent, or maybe a close friend on the team, to help aging player find a different team once the Turk comes calling.

He added 15 pounds of muscle: This describes an aging free agent desperately trying to make the roster for one last ride. Normally used in conjunction with “he’s in the best shape of his career.”

Example: “Player X has added 15 pounds of muscle in the off season and is in the best shape of his career.”

Player X is really turning heads: This is used to describe a late round draft pick or undrafted player that virtually no one knew about three months ago. This player has made a minimum of three good plays in four days of practice, and the punditry is now doing feature stories on him. There is no guarantee of a roster spot, but he is now the clubhouse leader for Mr. Mankato. Anyone on Draft Twitter who even mentioned his name is now madly tweeting “LOOK AT MY BOIIIIIII I TOLD YOU SO!!”

Every team is 0-0/tied for first place: This is used by the players and staff of the Arizona Cardinals, Miami Dolphins, Detroit Lions, and Buffalo Bills to convince their fans that they can somehow sneak in to the playoffs as a wildcard with a 9-7 record. This will not happen, as these teams will be a combined 6- 14 in October. They are terrible.

He’s just a blue collar guy: This is used to describe the player that has little to no physical ability compared to other guys at his position, but outworks everyone. This player will generally be beloved, as he is the “scrappy underdog” story that captivates training camp. If he is a “player that’s turning heads” guy, he is on the fast track to the Hall of Fame after week one of camp. After this player has been on the team two years, every training camp hot take will begin with “this year finally being the year player X gets cut.” Player X will not get cut.

Who is this year’s Jim Kleinsasser? This is asked every year by Viking punditry to desperately find a guy to love as much as we loved Jim Kleinsasser, the ultimate blue collar player. This player does not exist, as there is only one People’s Champion.

April 28, 2019

Minnesota Vikings 2019 draft — third day

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

A quick recap of the first two days of the draft: in the first round, the Vikings addressed the single biggest need by drafting North Carolina State centre Garrett Bradbury with the eighteenth pick. In the second round, the team selected Alabama tight end Irv Smith, Jr. The third round was where things went quickly into horse-trading nirvana for Vikings general manager “Trader Rick” Spielman, with four consecutive trades executed to amass nine draft picks for the remaining rounds. At the end of that flurry of trades, the team selected Boise State running back Alexander Mattison.

The Vikings held the following picks going into the final day of the draft on Saturday:

  • Fourth-round (18th/120th overall)
  • Fifth-round (21st/159th overall, from Seattle)
  • Sixth-round (17th/190th overall)
  • Sixth-round (18th/191st overall, from Baltimore)
  • Sixth-round (20th/193rd overall, from Baltimore)
  • Sixth-round (31st/204th overall, from Detroit)
  • Seventh-round (3rd/217th overall, from New York Jets)
  • Seventh-round (33rd/247th overall, compensatory for “loss” of Tramaine Brock)
  • Seventh-round (36th/250th overall, compensatory for loss of Shamar Stephen)

Given that the team has only a microscopic budget for rookie salaries (pending any contract re-negotiations or trades of veterans), it seems unlikely that the Vikings will actually select nine players with those picks, but it does give Spielman lots of ammunition for packaging multiple picks in order to move up in the draft to get particular players.

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April 27, 2019

Minnesota Vikings 2019 draft — second day

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

After addressing the most urgent need in the first round, drafting North Carolina State centre Garrett Bradbury with the eighteenth pick, the Minnesota Vikings entered day two of the 2019 draft with the following seven picks in hand:

  • Second-round pick (18th/50th overall)
  • Third-round pick (17th/81st overall)
  • Fourth-round pick (18th/120th overall)
  • Sixth-round pick (17th/190th overall)
  • Sixth-round pick (36th/209th overall, compensatory for the loss of Teddy Bridgewater)
  • Seventh-round pick (33rd/247th overall, compensatory for the “loss” of Tramaine Brock)
  • Seventh-round pick (36th/250th overall, compensatory for the loss of Shamar Stephen, but who ironically rejoined the team this off-season)

Again, just to unsettle long-time Spielman watchers, the Vikings actually used their second round pick instead of trading down for more picks later in the draft. At the number 50 slot, they selected Alabama tight end Irv Smith, Jr., and suddenly Kyle Rudolph’s name is being discussed freely as potential trade-bait.

247 Sports said this about Smith:

Smith may never be an elite tight end at the next level, but he is a safe bet to be a consistent and reliable one. He is athletic enough to be a good chess piece in an offense and is rock solid as both a blocker and a pass catcher. He does not have a ton of playing experience, but remember that he is coming from a pro prospect factory at Alabama. His ceiling is not quite as high as the T.J. Hockenson or Noah Fant type players of this draft, but there is next to little risk in grabbing him to add to a football team. It was a bit of a shock when he was still on the board after the first five to ten picks of the second round and easily could have gone much higher, but the Vikings now have their No. 2 athletic tight end to Kyle Rudolph and probable successor to him at the position.

Matthew Coller says the Vikings landed their “mismatch tight end” with this pick:

The Minnesota Vikings have been taking swings at tight ends for years but haven’t invested a high draft pick until Friday night when they grabbed Alabama’s Irv Smith with the 50th overall pick.

While the Vikings have sent Kyle Rudolph to the Pro Bowl twice, they have not had tight end that could challenge opponents down field since Steve Jordan. With the Smith selection, they hope to have found a unique weapon.

“We believe Irv is a perfect fit for our new scheme offensively, what they want to do in terms of a mismatch guy, he’s an F tight end who we can move around,” director of college scouting Jamaal Stephenson said. “We can line him up wide, we can line him up tight, we can use him in the backfield, so he has a lot of versatility.”

With the Crimson Tide last season he caught 44 passes on just 57 targets (16.1 yards per catch) for 707 yards and scored eight touchdowns. According to Pro Football Focus, he rated No. 1 in yards per route run and caught the fifth most passes that traveled over 20 yards in the air of any tight end in the draft class.

Smith’s athletic traits match up with his big play statistics. At the NFL Combine he ran a 4.63 40-yard dash.

However, the draft war room staff could only keep Rick Spielman from trading for so long — maybe he chewed through the restraints, I dunno — the Detroit Lions somehow got through to Spielman to acquire the Vikings’ third round pick at #81 in exchange for the 88th and 204th picks. Then, proving that they couldn’t get him strapped down again in time, he executed another trade with the Seattle Seahawks, swapping that 88th pick for the 92nd pick and the 159th pick. And then a third trade with the New York Jets to move back to the 93rd pick and also add the 217th pick. AND THEN yet another trade to swap the 93rd pick to Baltimore for the 102nd, 191st, and 193rd picks.

After all that frenzied trading, the Vikings finally did make a third-round pick — the last of day two — Boise State running back Alexander Mattison.

As we get deeper into the draft, the readily available information on players will naturally get more brief. Here’s the initial post from Zone Coverage on Mattison:

Mattison, at 5-foot-11, 221 pounds, rushed for 1,000 yards each of the last two seasons, though his career average was just 4.9 yards per carry — a nice average in the pro game but less impressive in college.

He made 55 catches over the past two years and was used sparingly last season as a kick returner. He didn’t drop a pass in 2018, per Pro Football Focus.

The former Broncos ball carrier ran the fourth-slowest 40-yard dash time at the combine, 4.67 seconds. He tied for the sixth-best 20-yard shuttle, however, and was fourth in the broad jump at his position.

With all the flurry of trades, after entering the day with seven, they’ll have nine draft picks on day three (but I really don’t expect them to select nine players … some of this vast hoard will be swapped for other picks … probably):

  • Fourth-round pick (18th/120th overall)
  • Fifth-round pick (21st/159th overall, from Seattle)
  • Sixth-round pick (17th/190th overall)
  • Sixth-round pick (18th/191st overall, from Baltimore)
  • Sixth-round pick (20th/193rd overall, from Baltimore)
  • Sixth-round pick (31st/204th overall, from Detroit)
  • Seventh-round pick (3rd/217th overall, from New York Jets)
  • Seventh-round pick (33rd/247th overall, compensatory for “loss” of Tramaine Brock)
  • Seventh-round pick (36th/250th overall, compensatory for loss of Shamar Stephen)

April 26, 2019

Minnesota Vikings 2019 draft — first day

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 06:00

Almost everyone assumed, based on the last several years’ most-noted weakness being the offensive line, that the Vikings would take the best centre, guard or tackle available and call it a night. Some contrarians were calling out for one of the two top tight ends to be taken to eventually move into Kyle Rudolph’s role for 2020 and onwards. There were even a few brave souls calling for yet another cornerback to be the Vikings’ first pick … and not all of them were sock puppets for head coach Mike Zimmer.

Given his history since general manager Rick Spielman took the job, a certain amount of horsetrading is to be expected … he’s called “Trader Rick” for good reason. One possibility was that the Vikings would try to trade back from the 18th pick to accumulate more picks in later rounds. At the start of the draft, the Vikings had five of their own draft picks and three late compensatory picks available, and Spielman is known to prefer having as many as ten picks to work with.

After a surprising run in the earlier picks of the first round, where most of the highly touted offensive linemen were dropping, some fans started to assume the worst — that the Vikings would trade down rather than grab a tackle, guard, or centre — if you’re a long-time Vikings fan, this sort of pessimism comes naturally. In the event, however, the Vikings stood pat at 18 and selected North Carolina State centre Garrett Bradbury:

ESPN‘s Courtney Cronin had good things to say about Bradbury the day before the draft:

There are multiple scenarios in which the Vikings can still get the offensive line help they need while addressing a different concern with their first pick.

However, N.C. State center Garrett Bradbury is the perfect fit for Minnesota at No. 18. The elite prospect can be a difference-maker on the interior. He is a match on multiple fronts, from how his athletic traits fit the Vikings’ zone-blocking scheme to the positional flexibility he provides with their current personnel.

Bradbury was in an outside-zone scheme at N.C. State that required him to work into the second level, run laterally and move quickly. At the NFL combine, Bradbury recorded the fastest three-cone time (7.41 seconds), as well as the third-fastest 40-yard dash (4.92), among offensive linemen.

His strength and movement skills strike comparisons to former Vikings guard/center Nick Easton and many of the traits found in last year’s second-round pick, Brian O’Neill. Drafting a player with a skill set this vast is critical to the Vikings’ zone-running scheme and can create a more explosive attack in areas like the play-action game.

At Zone Coverage, Sam Ekstrom had this to say about Bradbury:

Garrett Bradbury might be the best center in the draft. He certainly was in the country in 2018, winning the Rimington Trophy, which went to current Viking Pat Elflein two years ago before he was drafted by the Vikings in the third round. Bradbury also has experience at left and right guard, where he spent several seasons before transitioning to center. His interior flexibility makes him an asset, and as a former tight end in high school, his athleticism would make him effective in a zone scheme.

Bradbury ran the third-best 40 and top 3-cone drill at the combine amongst linemen. He also had the second-best bench press. He has a lot of reps under his belt already as he nears age 24, but he proved durable as a three-year starter for North Carolina State.

April 24, 2019

Vikings GM Rick Spielman’s pre-draft press conference, as interpreted by Don Glover

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 06:00

It’s almost time for the NFL’s 2019 draft, and everyone is sick to death of mock drafts by this point. Everyone’s cousin’s mechanic’s hairdresser has submitted multiple mocks so far, and the one thing that’s for certain is that none of them are right. When the real draft starts, the general manager for the Minnesota Vikings and 31 GMs for other, lesser teams will begin the televised high stakes poker and swap shop that is the modern NFL draft. On Tuesday, Rick Spielman got up in front of the Twin Cities media and lied his head off discussed his draft plan and philosophy. As the Daily Norseman‘s Ted Glover explains, you can’t actually trust anything any of the GMs say at this time of year, but most especially good ol’ “Trader” Rick:

When Rick Spielman talks, we listen. REALLY listen.

Right now, there is an elite fraternity of 32 men who are being paid millions of dollar to try and bluff, lie and cajole their way into the draft class of their dreams, while trying to deny their other 31 fraternity brothers the draft class of THEIR dreams.

It’s a fascinating social experiment, and God forgive me but I LOVE this time of year. Who’s telling the truth, who’s floating trial balloons, and who’s flat out lying has become the best reality television in the country today, if you ask me.

“But Ted” you say to yourself, “why do you enjoy grown millionaires lie about sports to each other? You have grandchildren now, don’t you want to expose them to honorable men, doing honorable things?”

LOL sure, but this is just sports, so let’s lighten up a bit.

So why do I like this? Because of the GM the Vikings have, one Rick Spielman, Professional Football Man of Leisure. Spielman has taken the pre-draft subterfuge to levels not seen since the height of the Cold War, and no it wouldn’t surprise me if he runs dead drops and counterintelligence operations all the time.

So when Spielman holds court with reporters prior to the draft, it’s must-watch TV. But one cannot take Rick Spielman’s words at face value. No, no no no no noooooooo sir. Do that, and you’ll be disappointed when the Vikings first four picks aren’t a kicker, a punter, and two long snappers. You need to understand nuance, what’s real and what isn’t, and a full comprehension of the technical term we call pre-draft bullshit.

That’s why I am here.* I am the World’s Self Proclaimed Rickspeak Expert, having obtained my PhD from Normandale Community College in the subject.** What I do is take what Rick says and translate it into what he REALLY means.***

* Of all the reasons in the world as to why I’m still here, this is like second to last.

** Okay fine, it was just a Master’s

*** I make up everything. Nothing is real. Welcome to the Matrix, Neo.

March 19, 2019

New NFL rules designed to significantly reduce injuries

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

I must have misread the calendar, because this advance report from Ted Glover at the Daily Norseman seems to be a couple of weeks early:

As it turns out, the ‘no offensive lineman’ strategy was a deliberate plan employed by the Vikings, as crazy as it sounds. After speaking with people familiar with the situation, the Vikings have been the only team to get a copy of the new rule changes for 2019. The big one that is going to shock teams and fans alike is that the NFL will be transitioning from full on tackle football to a 7 on 7 passing drill format.

‘Look, it’s not our fault we got this memo before everyone else’, said a Vikings official familiar with the situation. ‘The NFL is now a passing league, and they’re concerned about player safety, so this is the next logical step. After the league decided tackling quarterbacks was bad, this just makes the most sense. I mean, if you can’t tackle the QB, why have an offensive line?’

‘The Titans are gonna shit themselves over that (Roger) Saffold contract’, said a second source also familiar with the current situation.

However, there is still a need for defensive linemen.

‘Oh yeah, we’ll still have a couple d-linemen, so it’s kind of a modified 7 on 7’, said a third Vikings official, who would only agree to speak on a condition of anonymity. ‘More like a 9 on 9. Two defensive linemen will stand on either side of the center, and there will be a new referee called the ‘Mississippi’ judge. At the snap, he will loudly yell ‘ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI, THREE MISSISSIPPI’ and the defensive linemen will be able to rush the QB. They can either bat down a thrown ball, or if they two hand tap him between the neck and waist before he throws the ball, it’s ruled a sack. And we’ll still have two tackles lined up where they would normally be. The two defenders cannot touch the tackles, and they must stay between them at the snap of the ball. Any defensive player that goes to the outside of the tackle that is standing still will be penalized 15 yards for unabated to the quarterback. We call that the ‘Matt Kalil’ rule.

December 31, 2018

Vikings’ playoff hopes end in dismal performance at US Bank Stadium

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

As a life-long Vikings fan, I had little faith in the “win-and-in” situation the Vikings found themselves in coming into Sunday afternoon’s game against the Chicago Bears … I’ve seen it happen all too often, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to have it happen yet again. The Vikings came into the game looking less-than-convinced, and the peformance on the field was less-than-convincing. The final score of 24-10 was just about right, although shading to flatter the Vikings a tiny bit more than they deserved. Even had they somehow managed to pull out a win late against Chicago’s backups, they didn’t look like they’d be more than one-and-done in the wildcard round anyway.

Lessons learned? Better offensive line players are required to get any significant benefit out of an $84 million quarterback, and you can never have too many good cornerbacks (but that’s always true in today’s NFL). Despite the disappointing finish, I don’t expect any significant changes in the front office, but I do expect a renewed emphasis on the offensive line during free agency and the draft. Despite Sunday’s underwhelming effort, this is still a team that can go deep in the playoffs if they fix the OL, and maintain the depth on defence.

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December 24, 2018

Vikings visit Detroit, eventually decide to pillage the place 27-9, after very slow start

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

Sunday’s game in Detroit started off so slowly that you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Vikings were already out of the playoff race and that the Lions were chasing a wildcard slot. It took most of the first half for Minnesota to decide they actually did want to play football, and were facing a 9-0 score by that point. If Detroit had been just a bit better, they’d have been up by much more. Eventually, despite a veritable blizzard of yellow hankies due to self-inflicted penalties, the Vikings finally got out of their own way and took the lead at the end of the first half on a Hail Mary pass to tight end Kyle Rudolph (who himself seemed to be alternating really good plays with boneheaded plays, but ended up with a career day despite himself).

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December 17, 2018

Miami has two really good plays in 41-17 loss to Minnesota

Filed under: Football, Wine — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

Although the rest of the game may not be all that memorable for Dolphins fans, Minkah Fitzpatrick’s pick-6 in the second quarter and the 75-yard TD run to start the third were definite high points for Miami. Before Cousins threw that interception, Miami was down 21 points and the Vikings were threatening to run up the score. After the interception, the dreaded over-cautiousness came back to Cousins and he was clearly more worried about making mistakes than making plays. The Dolphins’ running touchdown was a fantastic effort that the football gods rewarded appropriately. Other than those two plays, however, there isn’t a lot of comfort for the team or the fans, especially when your quarterback ends up being sacked nine times.

The first quarter was practically flawless for the Vikings in new offensive co-ordinator Kevin Stefanski’s first game calling plays, with an almost perfect balance between passing plays and rushes. Dalvin Cook got his first rushing touchdown of the season and Latavius Murray ran in a second. Kirk Cousins was boasting a perfect passer rating at the end of the first fifteen minutes of play, and Miami didn’t have any answers at all.

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December 12, 2018

“(Almost) scoreless in Seattle”, prompts the Vikings to fire offensive co-ordinator John DeFilippo

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

Monday night’s game was a great example of how not to run an offence, courtesy of a season-long determination to avoid running the football at all costs. Seattle moved the ball almost at will, but didn’t have the points to show for it until late in the game. Minnesota played as if they were afraid to take any kind of risk at all. The Vikings ran zero plays in Seattle territory in the first half, and went into the locker room down 3-0, but the way they’d been playing, it felt like a lot more than that.

The Daily Norseman‘s Ted Glover did his usual Stock Market Report after the game:

Blue Chips:
None. The offense is as fun to watch as a traffic jam stacking up in front of you, the defense gave up 200 yards rushing, and I literally laugh every time Dan Bailey trots out to kick a field goal, because a Choose Your Own Adventure book has less possible outcomes. This team is heading south faster than a flock of migrating birds, and as amazing as it seems, with few exceptions no one on the Vikings plays like they care about what happens right now.

Solid Investments:
Dalvin Cook, RB. Cook looked decent running the ball, although once again he only got 13 carries in a game that was within one score well into the fourth quarter. He also had the Vikings lone touchdown which yay I guess.

Anthony Harris, S: Harris looked like he was one of the few guys going all out on every play, from the first snap.

Holton Hill, CB: I thought Hill played a solid game in place of Trae Waynes, and had a big pass break up in the end zone.

Junk Bonds:
John DeFilippo, OC: The play calling is something right out of a Dystopian Fever Dream where your playbook consists of shit you draw on napkins, and you’ve managed to spill drinks and ruin all the napkins but about two or three, and yeah hey maybe this one will work this time. For example, on fourth and one in Seattle territory, everyone knew in the stadium the Vikings were going to hand the ball off to Latavius Murray. Loss of a yard, turnover on downs. The calls down on the goal line when the Vikings were stopped were questionable, and when Laquon Treadwell has more targets well into the third quarter than Adam Thielen does, something has gone horribly wrong.

Mike Remmers, RG: Remmers was dough tonight, and the the Seahawks were a rolling pin.

Kirk Cousins, QB: Kirk Cousins tonight, in one picture.

Yes, that’s the guy making $28 million dollars turning his back to the line of scrimmage and throwing a forward pass … backwards … to Latavius Murray. While completely ignoring a wide open Adam Thielen 20 yards downfield. It’s so amazing in many ways I feel that if someone paints this in oil it will one day hang in the Louvre.

Last week, after the Vikings’ sad effort in New England, I wrote:

At one point, the broadcast talking heads (Joe Buck and Troy Aikman) were making noises about just how good a job the Vikings offensive co-ordinator had done this season and how he (John DeFilippo) would certainly be a top candidate for one of the head coaching openings after the season is over. I nearly choked to death. Of course, so did the Vikings offence. If what we’ve seen of his body of work is accurate, I think the team should do everything in its power to encourage him to become head coach of another franchise (Green Bay? Can it be Green Bay? Please?). The sooner the better. The man seems to know even less about running a modern NFL offence than I do!

Earlier on Tuesday, the DN News and links post included this, which I fully agreed with:

My yelling was mostly directed at the Vikings’ offensive coordinator. His tenure is a beautiful example of how the national sports media knows very little (the same could be said for the national media in general, I suppose). A narrative gets started somehow, then gains steam, then before long, all the parrots are repeating the same thing. Take the post-season buzz about John DeFilippo. We all heard that John DeFillipo (I have used many other names for him this evening) was a genius, and will be NFL’s next great head coach, and that we were lucky to get him as our offensive coordinator. Well, I have to say that I think they were wrong. I’m not normally prone to over-reaction, but this guy is not good at what he is being paid to do, I see no reason to think that will change, and he is ruining the chances for a very good team to do very good things. He seems inflexible, incapable of adjusting mid-game, and his situational play calling is baffling. 1st and goal from the two? Three straight plays from the shotgun, then the failed attempt on fourth, which I can’t recall right now, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he sent everyone deep. How many third-and-short plays were roll-out plays to the right that wound up being throw-aways? A lot. and if Green Bay still wants to hire him as their head coach, I say they should hitch up the buggy, load it up with a few days’ supplies, and come get him. I’ll be in town Saturday, I could help him pack.

On Tuesday, the team parted ways with DeFilippo, and will replace him (at least temporarily) with quarterbacks coach Kevin Stefanski:

John DeFilippo is a bright offensive mind and he might someday become a great offensive coordinator, but something had to change for the Minnesota Vikings.

After being shut down on national TV in Seattle, the Vikings dropped to 6-6-1 in large part because of the 20th ranked scoring offense. They nearly went six quarters without a score — a streak that was only ended by a garbage-time touchdown at the end of Monday night’s loss.

[…]

While an OC change at this point in the game may seem like a panicked move, there is precedent. In 2012 the Ravens fired Cam Cameron in favor of Jim Caldwell. They went on to put together one of the best performances by a quarterback in postseason history and win the Super Bowl.

The way the Vikings defense is playing, an offensive turnaround could give them a chance to achieve the goals they set out to accomplish in training camp. They allowed just 72 yards passing to Russell Wilson and only six points late into the fourth quarter. The defense has repeatedly given the Vikings a shot to win big games, including against the Saints and Patriots.

Certainly Stefanski isn’t a cure-all. The offensive line is still going to limit what the Vikings can do on offense, but in order to have a shot the Vikings don’t have to be elite on offense, just effective. They haven’t been anywhere close to effective lately.

Zimmer picked the right week to make a change. The Vikings come back home against a competitive, but not great, Dolphins team. They need to prove a winning team can be defeated in order to avoid a complete season meltdown.

Before Tuesday, nothing pointed to a turnaround. Now at least there is a chance.

December 4, 2018

Putridity against the Patriots

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

The Vikings didn’t have a good outing against the New England Patriots on Sunday afternoon. In fact, aside from one or two highlights, it was a miserable offensive performance. At one point, the broadcast talking heads (Joe Buck and Troy Aikman) were making noises about just how good a job the Vikings offensive co-ordinator had done this season and how he ( John DeFilippo) would certainly be a top candidate for one of the head coaching openings after the season is over. I nearly choked to death. Of course, so did the Vikings offence. If what we’ve seen of his body of work is accurate, I think the team should do everything in its power to encourage him to become head coach of another franchise (Green Bay? Can it be Green Bay? Please?). The sooner the better. The man seems to know even less about running a modern NFL offence than I do!

At the Daily Norseman, Ted Glover offers his usual post-game Stock Market Report, of which the Buy/Sell recommendations are key:

Buy: Running the ball with Dalvin Cook early. For the first time since the Lions game, which feels like it was about two seasons ago, Dalvin Cook and the running game got going early in the game. Cook had 32 and 18 yards on consecutive runs in the first half, and the Vikings really looked good running to the perimeter.

Sell: Mostly ignoring Dalvin Cook on the ground. So, that 32 and 18 yard run? the 32 yard run came with 7:41 left in the first quarter, and the 18 yard run, the next time he carried it as a running back, came with 5:39 left … in the second quarter. In the meantime, Minnesota kept dumping off the Cook in the flat for a couple yards here and there (Cook ended up with 8 catches for 23 yards), and one would think after about the 37th dump off pass for three yards, one would try something else. One would be wrong, though.

Buy: The two minute drive to end the first half. Cousins was crisp, throwing dimes down field to Diggs, Rudolph, Robinson, and managed the clock perfectly. He hit Adam Thielen on a perfect out route in the end zone, and there was only :15 seconds left when the Vikings scored; too little time for Tom Brady. Hands down the best two minute drive the Vikings have orchestrated this year.

Sell: The 28 minutes that opened the first half. Other than Cook running the ball, though, the Vikings offense looked flat out putrid for the rest of the first half. The offensive line had trouble protecting Cousins, which led to either designed short passes or checkdowns that went for minimal gains. The result was an offense that went punt, missed fg, punt, punt in their first four possessions before their lone TD drive.

Buy: The Mike Zimmer challenge on the Gronkowski catch felt like a momentum shift. With 2:34 left in the first half, the Pats had a second and five from their own 22. Tom Brady completed a pass to Rob Gronkowski, which was ruled a first down. However, the spot was wrong, and Mike Zimmer challenged. He won, and instead of first and ten, it was third and one. On third down, the Vikings stuffed the Pats, they punted, and it felt like a seminal moment in the game.

Sell: The Vikings seized the moment. Yes, the Vikings took the ball on their ensuing drive and scored a touchdown, and went into halftime down only 10-7. Last year, a moment like that felt like it would be a lunching pad to take over the game and win it. But the offense reverted to what they did much of the first half, and didn’t find the end zone again. The defense had trouble getting off the field on third down, and couldn’t get a stop when they needed it. It’s become a broken record at this point, but the complementary football that the Vikings talk about, and were so good at last year, isn’t there this year.

Buy: The Vikings offense should be a top ten unit. They have a talented young running back, a good quarterback, a reliable tight end, and the best WR tandem in the NFL. I’m not saying this offense should be Oklahoma, but they’re built to score points

Sell: The Vikings offensive play calling. Honest to goodness, I have no idea what offensive coordinator John DeFilippo is thinking anymore. It feels like he tries to figure out what works, and then intentionally decides not do that thing. Look, when you have a running back that’s averaging 9.3 yards a carry, (and had two more good runs nullified because of penalties), why would you want to keep running the ball with him in bad weather? Silly cake eaters, what do we know? And once the Vikings do fall behind, there seems to be zero sense of urgency as time winds down. There is no quick huddle, the plays called are short dump offs that don’t stretch the field or get chunks of yards, and the clock bleeds time. By the time the Vikings do open it up, it’s much too little, too late. Nothing says ‘I don’t care anymore’ like a three yard slant on 4th and 11 down 14 with less than seven minutes to go.

It’s incredibly frustrating to watch, and the reputation Flip brought with him seems to be based on a resume every bit as flimsy as George O’Leary’s was when he was the Notre Dame coach for about 20 minutes back in the day. Late in the game, after about the 27th three yard pass that felt like it ate up 40 minutes of game clock and produced no first downs, Fox commentator Troy Aikman mentioned that Flip would be a head coaching candidate for a lot of teams in the off-season. I thought to myself ‘good, he won’t be on the Vikings anymore’, which was a completely different feeling than when Pat Shurmur left for the Giants last year.

Buy: Brian O’Neill has helped to fix the offensive line: When O’Neill was drafted, the general consensus was that he was going to have to sit for a year and bulk up, because he lacked upper body strength to be able to be effective in his rookie year. O’Neill has proven that narrative to be demonstrably false, and looks to be a fixture on the offensive line for a long time.

Sell: Brian O’Neill fixed the offensive line. All that said, the Vikings offense is struggling, in large part, to another poorly constructed offensive line. For all the good Spielman has done in constructing a roster in all other areas, the offensive line has been an ongoing issue for almost every season since he’s been named full time GM in 2012. The interior of the line is very subpar, the backups inspire little to no confidence, and if it’s not a priority for GM Rick Spielman in the off-season it could all quickly unravel for the Vikings.

November 26, 2018

Packers at Vikings – Who’s for Thanksgiving leftovers?

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 12:05

In the late game on Sunday night the Vikings played host to the Green Bay Packers. These two teams meeting in prime time would already be a good set-up, but when you take into account that neither team has been living up to its expectations — both of them are looking up at Chicago at the top of the division — and that the matchup might well be a “must win” to keep any playoff hopes alive, you have potentially fascinating stuff to watch.

Minnesota has had a fraught history with kickers over the least 20+ years. The first game between the Packers and the Vikings this season ended up as a tie, at least in part because the Vikings kicker missed four field goals (he wasn’t the team’s kicker for long after that). Vikings fans were starting to feel a certain anxiousness after current kicker Dan Bailey missed two last night. At halftime, head coach Mike Zimmer told a sideline reporter that he was planning to go for it on fourth down in the second half, to avoid depending on the kicker. (He must have just been venting his frustration, as he did let Bailey attempt a kick during the third quarter, which Bailey made.) Of course, if he’d made those kicks, the game would almost exactly have matched my prediction for the outcome (I said it’d be 31-17 and it was actually 24-17.)

Even great players have plays that look awful, like this one: “a pass to Stefon Diggs was interrupted by Adam Thielen getting blocked into Diggs after the catch. Diggs went backwards, and wound up losing ten yards to set up a 2nd-and-20. (It was way uglier than that makes it sound.)” That was, thankfully, not at all typical of either player’s night. The team also broke out a new TD celebration for the evening:

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November 21, 2018

The wisdom of Zim Tzu, post-Bear-mauling edition

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

After every game, even a putrid excuse for a game like the Sunday night contest in Chicago, the NFL requires that all head coaches make the time to talk with the local (and sometimes national) sports media about what the hell just happened. Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer is rumoured not to enjoy this particular part of his job, and as a result tends to carefully craft his words to cloak their real importance from the smelly, small-minded hoi-polloi he has to face from the rostrum. Fortunately, the Daily Norseman employs the world’s top expert in Zimspeak, Herr Doktor Professor Theodore “Ted” Glover, BA, MA, Ph.D, etc. Every week, Herr Glover works tirelessly to decipher, decode, decrypt, and de-everything-else required to dig down to the primal essence of coach Zimmer’s koans for we weak-armed, weak-willed, and weak-minded normies.

The Vikings warrior poet coach dispenses his words of wisdom

ED NOTE: This has bad words. Most of the other things we write on here usually don’t, but this one does. It seems to be a popular bit, so until the law catches up with me, I’m going to keep doing it. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for not reading and not letting your kids read it if bad language isn’t your thing. Hope you enjoy the rest of our articles—Ted

When you’re a warrior poet, you have to be on the lookout for self-fulfilling prophecies from your troops. Self fulfilling prophecies tell you that you can’t do X because of Y, based on past history. You can’t invade Russia in the late summer because of the Russian winter, or that you can’t masturbate without arms, for example. And as much as you tell your troops there is zero correlation between X and Y, because you have a cousin without any arms and he says he did just fine in that department thank you very goddamn much, once your troops believe weird shit happens in Chicago and that you’ll lose, when weird shit does happen in Chicago and you do lose, your troops are almost relieved. But you can’t let them walk around thinking they’re a bunch of no arms whacking reverse Nostradamus fap gods though, because then everything you’ve worked for is lost, and you’re on the street looking for work in someplace other than Cleveland. Yeah, fuck The Land, which is quite possibly the dumbest nickname for any city I’ve ever heard. Except for Green Bay, which is known as the toilet paper capital of the world, and that’s the most accurate nickname for any city ever.

Because you are Zim Tzu, The King In The North, Emperor of the Motor City Feline Tribe, Grounder of Airplanes, Defrocker of Cardinals, Subduer of Equestrian Excrement Consumers, Nightmare of Clan Fromage, Breaker Of Gold Fever, High Septon Of Eagan, Lord Commander Of The Iron Range And Twin Cities, Master Of Fortress TCO, Honorary Elder Of Mankato and Protector Of The Realm.

And when the Great Unwashed want to know how to keep their fears from becoming a real life Ouroboros, you must speak, to calm them and make them throw up their own ass, so you can get things back on track. And that is where we come in, your friends at The Daily Norseman.* We take what is said in the day after a game press conference, regurgitate what is really inferred,** and then everyone can walk away happy with an understanding of what’s to come.***

*I have no friends.

**We do nothing of the kind. The law firm of Franklin, Bash, and Bateman gently reminds you that this is a work of satire, and any and all interpretations are just mindless bullshit that have no inference on actual words of Mike Zimmer, spoken or otherwise, and they can sue you and take Ted for all his money in exorbitant lawyer fees if you try to sue him.

***If you understand any of this, seek professional medical help.

November 5, 2018

Vikings sack Detroit, 24-9

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 03:00

The headline would have been even more accurate had it been a road game played in Michigan, but setting a team record for sacks in a game (ten) certainly justifies a bit of hyperbole. In a surprising move at the trade deadline earlier this week, the Detroit Lions swapped their top wide receiver for a third-round pick in the 2019 draft. Through most of the first half, it seemed like the announcing crew had to work Golden Tate’s name into the discussion about every play, even when Minnesota had the ball. It got irritating quickly — not as irritating as a Joe Buck-/Troy Aikman-announced game, but nearly that quick.

Vikings defensive end Danielle Hunter had a career game with 3.5 sacks and a fumble recovery returned 32 yards for a touchdown. Adam Thielen’s streak of 100+ yard games came to an end at eight, as with Stefon Diggs not active, the Lions could double-team him frequently. Thielen shares the NFL record with Calvin Johnson, who set the mark in 2012. Dalvin Cook also showed that he’s getting back to his rookie-year form, rushing ten times for 89 yards, including a 70-yard effort that set up the Thielen touchdown. The Vikings let the Lions stick around a lot longer than they should have, but the end result was still gratifying:

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October 29, 2018

New Orleans Saints 30, Vikings 20, as the turnover bug bites hard

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , , , — Nicholas @ 10:40

Even the hardcore Minnesota Vikings fans were getting tired of the replays of last year’s “Minneapolis Miracle”, as it turned up so often in media and social media coverage coming up to Sunday night’s rematch between the Vikings and the Saints. This time, largely thanks to Minnesota mistakes, the Saints got the win.

Both teams had turnovers, but New Orleans earned 14 points off Viking errors and Minnesota didn’t capitalize on Harrison Smith’s interception, as Matthew Coller explains:

At 13-10, with the Vikings in front, the much-anticipated contest appeared to be shaping up as expected. A Sunday Night Shootout in front of a crowd that was ready to drive Brees crazy all night.

Then the Vikings caught a break. An overthrown ball by Brees right into the hands of Harrison Smith set Minnesota up to take a double-digit lead into the half.

Instead the Vikings committed back-to-back mistakes that would turn out to not only shape the game but become the trend in the second half.

With 3:03 left in the second quarter, Cousins began dicing up the Saints’ defense again, hitting on two third-and-long conversions, one to Kyle Rudolph and the other to Aldrick Robinson. On first-and-10 from the New Orleans 18, the flung a quick pass to Thielen on a play the Vikings have used with great success throughout this season.

After four yards, the Vikings’ star receiver was drilled by a Saints linebacker, sending the ball tumbling into Lattimore’s hands. He returned it to the Minnesota 33, which might have made it possible for the Vikings to hold the Saints to a field goal, but Laquon Treadwell inexplicably took a 15-yard penalty, setting up an easy touchdown for New Orleans.

At the Daily Norseman, Ted Glover provides his Stock Market Report on the game:

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