Quotulatiousness

March 19, 2019

New NFL rules designed to significantly reduce injuries

Filed under: Football, Humour — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

I must have misread the calendar, because this advance report from Ted Glover at the Daily Norseman seems to be a couple of weeks early:

As it turns out, the ‘no offensive lineman’ strategy was a deliberate plan employed by the Vikings, as crazy as it sounds. After speaking with people familiar with the situation, the Vikings have been the only team to get a copy of the new rule changes for 2019. The big one that is going to shock teams and fans alike is that the NFL will be transitioning from full on tackle football to a 7 on 7 passing drill format.

‘Look, it’s not our fault we got this memo before everyone else’, said a Vikings official familiar with the situation. ‘The NFL is now a passing league, and they’re concerned about player safety, so this is the next logical step. After the league decided tackling quarterbacks was bad, this just makes the most sense. I mean, if you can’t tackle the QB, why have an offensive line?’

‘The Titans are gonna shit themselves over that (Roger) Saffold contract’, said a second source also familiar with the current situation.

However, there is still a need for defensive linemen.

‘Oh yeah, we’ll still have a couple d-linemen, so it’s kind of a modified 7 on 7’, said a third Vikings official, who would only agree to speak on a condition of anonymity. ‘More like a 9 on 9. Two defensive linemen will stand on either side of the center, and there will be a new referee called the ‘Mississippi’ judge. At the snap, he will loudly yell ‘ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI, THREE MISSISSIPPI’ and the defensive linemen will be able to rush the QB. They can either bat down a thrown ball, or if they two hand tap him between the neck and waist before he throws the ball, it’s ruled a sack. And we’ll still have two tackles lined up where they would normally be. The two defenders cannot touch the tackles, and they must stay between them at the snap of the ball. Any defensive player that goes to the outside of the tackle that is standing still will be penalized 15 yards for unabated to the quarterback. We call that the ‘Matt Kalil’ rule.

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