Quotulatiousness

September 19, 2020

Andrew Heaton attempts to talk to people about politics

Filed under: Humour, Media, Politics, USA — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 05:00

In his latest missive from deeply singed California, Andrew Heaton expresses some concerns about the American body politic in the late stages of utter emotional breakdown (that is, the last couple of months of the election):

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the political climate is going to “heat up.” Although the heat comes from a different fault line than you might think. The real division in America isn’t between conservatives and progressives. It’s between people who read stuff, and people who TYPE IN ALL CAPS ON TWITTER.

I’m pretty firmly in the “read stuff” camp. Which makes me poorly situated for our current period, as I am a quarter Vulcan on my father’s side, and it’s overwhelmingly in vogue to be emotionally incontinent. Emotionally incontinent people don’t care for us pseudo-Vulcans. Perhaps you can relate?

This is a normal conversation for me:

    Friend: Trump is an evil fascist meat goblin!

    Me: Yeah, I can’t stand that guy. I’m not a big Biden fan, but I definitely prefer him over Trump.

    Friend: But Trump is a racist lunatic!

    Me: Sure. I certainly don’t think he has an ideological core or respect for constitutional rule of law. I have serious misgivings about his leadership. Also he’s horrible on trade.

    Friend: HE’S LOCKING CHILDREN IN CAGES! THE WORLD IS ON FIRE!!! DON’T YOU SEE THAT TRUMP IS THE DEATH OF THIS AND ALL WORLDS!?!?

If you read the above conversation carefully, you might notice that I’m not actually disagreeing with my hysterical friend. In fact we’re broadly in agreement, at least on the 2020 election outcome. So why are they flipping out, like the electoral version of Kermit the Frog flailing his arms in a Muppets sketch?

Here’s why: in political conversations the People Who Read Stuff are interested in exchanging ideas and policies. The ALL CAPS ON TWITTER crowd wants to exchange feelings.

If your hysterical conservative friend is laying eggs about Antifa ushering in the Night of the Long Knives, or your progressive friend is freaking out about Trump ushering in The Night of the Long Knives, what you say or think is immaterial — they are looking for you to match their emotional state. If you don’t, it means you’re probably making a buck selling knives.

This is a problem in my social life. I have learned that my feelings are fickle and easy to manipulate, and so distrust them. I take pride in my Vulcan heritage. When confronted with a big, scary problem, I believe the best response is to get calm and thoughtful. In Vulcan culture we call this “acting like an adult.”

Unfortunately equanimity is not popular on this planet. It’s trendy to experience feelings so hard that neurochemicals seep out of your pores, the way alcoholics sweat vodka.

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