Ted Glover posted this earlier in the week, but — it being the deadest of dead spots in the NFL year — I didn’t see it until just now. While this is oriented to the upcoming Minnesota Vikings training camp (now in Eagan instead of the decades-long tradition of Mankata, MN), it almost certainly applies to your favourite NFL team’s training camp too:
In just under three weeks, the Minnesota Vikings will begin their second training camp in Eagan, MN. Although where they conduct training camp is still new, what they do at training camp is no different than when they spent over 50 years in Mankato. They will practice, assemble the 53 best players possible, and
then compete to try and win the Super Bowl in Februarybreak our hearts in December or January.During training camp, though, we want to know how our beloved Purple and Gold are doing, and whether or not they’re improving. Along with the offensive, defensive, and special teams drills and practice updates, the Vikings players and coaches will tell you how things are coming along using tried and true clichés. Some clichés have very specific meanings, while others can mean a wide variety of things, or apply to many players.
Obviously, players can’t say what they REALLY mean, especially if someone’s performance is substandard, or their coach is an idiot. So these tried and true clichés help us get to the real meaning of what is being said.
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I/He am/is in the best shape of my/his career: This is used by a player that is clearly on the downside of their career, and is in serious danger of getting cut. This is usually used by either the player or his agent, or maybe a close friend on the team, to help aging player find a different team once the Turk comes calling.
He added 15 pounds of muscle: This describes an aging free agent desperately trying to make the roster for one last ride. Normally used in conjunction with “he’s in the best shape of his career.”
Example: “Player X has added 15 pounds of muscle in the off season and is in the best shape of his career.”
Player X is really turning heads: This is used to describe a late round draft pick or undrafted player that virtually no one knew about three months ago. This player has made a minimum of three good plays in four days of practice, and the punditry is now doing feature stories on him. There is no guarantee of a roster spot, but he is now the clubhouse leader for Mr. Mankato. Anyone on Draft Twitter who even mentioned his name is now madly tweeting “LOOK AT MY BOIIIIIII I TOLD YOU SO!!”
Every team is 0-0/tied for first place: This is used by the players and staff of the Arizona Cardinals, Miami Dolphins, Detroit Lions, and Buffalo Bills to convince their fans that they can somehow sneak in to the playoffs as a wildcard with a 9-7 record. This will not happen, as these teams will be a combined 6- 14 in October. They are terrible.
He’s just a blue collar guy: This is used to describe the player that has little to no physical ability compared to other guys at his position, but outworks everyone. This player will generally be beloved, as he is the “scrappy underdog” story that captivates training camp. If he is a “player that’s turning heads” guy, he is on the fast track to the Hall of Fame after week one of camp. After this player has been on the team two years, every training camp hot take will begin with “this year finally being the year player X gets cut.” Player X will not get cut.
Who is this year’s Jim Kleinsasser? This is asked every year by Viking punditry to desperately find a guy to love as much as we loved Jim Kleinsasser, the ultimate blue collar player. This player does not exist, as there is only one People’s Champion.
