After all the nice things I quoted about Matt Cassel yesterday morning, it was probably inevitable that he’d have a bad game in Cincinnati against the Bengals. What wasn’t inevitable was that everyone on the team not named “Cordarrelle Patterson” would also have a bad game at the same time. Ted Glover at the Daily Norseman sums up the pluses and minuses for his weekly Stock Market Report:
Blue Chip Stocks:
Cordarrelle Patterson, Jack Of All Trades: At some point during the game, maybe early in the third quarter, the only reason I kept watching this game was because even in a blowout, Patterson got my attention. Now, let’s not kid ourselves, I had no illusions about him making one ridiculous play after another to give the Vikings a miraculous victory, but he is, right now, the only decent threat the Vikings have on offense, and every time he touches the ball, he could go the distance. With Adrian Peterson hurt, the Vikings QB situation a Shakespearean tragedy, and the defense easier to score on than a horny hooker, Patterson is literally the only reason I will tune in and watch the Vikings season finale next week. At least, finally, the Vikings are trying to feed him the ball. It only took three months.
Solid Investments:
I got nothin’: Rhett Ellison had a couple nice catches, I suppose. Jarius Wright made a nice play on his 36 yard TD catch. So maybe those guys, I guess. I’m open to suggestions.
Junk Bonds:
Pretty much everyone not named Cordarrelle Patterson: This was a whole lot of bad, and as poor an overall game effort since the Seattle debacle. Matt Cassel was inept, as was the Vikings running game other than Patterson on the edge, as was the Vikings offensive line. On defense, the Vikings pass rush stayed in Minneapolis, the linebackers were awful, but the secondary was even worse. Seriously, there was not one unit, other than the Vikings kickoff return, that had a game that remotely close to bad. Seriously, just to get to bad they needed to take an escalator, then an elevator, then get shot out of a cannon into the arms of a Sherpa guide that could’ve lead the way on the final assault to the bad summit.
Jim Souhan avoids blatantly walking back his pro-Cassel comments of yesterday by concentrating on the woeful, can’t-stop-anyone defence:
At halftime of the Vikings’ loss to the Bengals on Sunday, monkeys riding dogs herded goats into a pen.
If the Vikings secondary had been asked to do the herding, those goats would have busted out of Paul Brown Stadium, stolen a case of whiskey and commandeered a paddle boat down the Ohio River.
A 42-14 loss filled with mistakes, turnovers, blown coverage and general aimlessness may have ended even idle conversations about Leslie Frazier and Matt Cassel, as two months of competitiveness segued into an afternoon of pratfalls.
In a week, the Vikings likely will be looking for a new coach and a franchise quarterback. To get this team back to the playoffs, the brain trust will also need to add a few quality defenders, but only at the positions of defensive line, linebacker, cornerback, safety and coordinator.
The Vikings offense may be one player away.
The Vikings defense needs a squadron — a gaggle, a pride? — plus herding lessons.
The team has allowed an NFL-worst 467 points this year. If the Detroit Lions score 18 points next Sunday at Mall of America Field, the Vikings will break the franchise record for most points allowed — 484 in 1984.
Too often, Vikings defensive backs look like mimes. They make familiar motions but didn’t seem interested in objects.
I don’t know if the game broadcast was available in the Toronto area, as our power went off about an hour before kick-off and wasn’t restored until about half an hour after the game was over. I followed the updates on Twitter, but by the end of the first quarter, I decided I was better off sitting and reading a book rather than watching the disaster unfold in Ohio.
