A lengthy, but pretty accurate, summary of the Vikings 2010 season of futility:
There was no easier metaphor with which to work this year than the collapse of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. Well, technically, it’s not called the Metrodome anymore — the naming rights to the field were bought by Mall of America, but naming rights to fields are about the dumbest thing in sports, other than catering endlessly to Brett Favre after the age of 40 and trading a third-round pick for Randy Moss only to cut him after he complains about the buffet.
So when the great white marshmallow Metrodome roof caved in early Sunday morning in epic disaster-movie fashion, caught by the Fox cameras that some enterprising person left rolling all night, the analogies practically wrote themselves. The Vikings were one play from the Super Bowl last season until Brett Favre remembered that interceptions are his business, and business was good. They were that close.
[. . .]
Of course, the weather thing caught up with the Vikings last week, and their game against the Giants had to be moved to Detroit, where fans got in free and did the wave as Favre’s record consecutive games streak came to an end at 297 due to a numb throwing hand. He can still text-message with his left, presumably.
So this week’s game on Monday Night Football will be held at the University of Minnesota’s stadium. Which sounds great, right? Everyone can drink and laugh and wear scarves and toques and have a blast, college-style!
Well, except the seats are general admission, which means there’s going to be a hell of scramble when the doors open, and it’s going to be pretty cold at night in Minnesota, and oh by the way there’s not going to be any booze. So by my watch, the tailgating should begin right about . . . now.
Oh, and the field isn’t built to be used in these kind of conditions — there is no mechanism to heat the field and melt the snow, for example — so expect a skating rink. Plus, Vikings backup quarterback Tarvaris Jackson is also hurt, so a rookie named Joe Webb will don the ice skates Monday, plus maybe Patrick Ramsey, formerly of Washington Redskins, New York Jets, and Miami Dolphins non-fame.
So it’s official: No fan base — not Panthers fans, not Bengals fans, not Broncos fans, not Dallas fans, not Washington fans (never Dallas and Washington fans, never), not even Detroit and Buffalo fans — has had a worse year than the poor boozeless purple suckers who will freeze in the dark on Monday night in Minnesota. Condolences, guys.
