At the Daily Norseman, Ted Glover provides a highly informative translation of what was said — and what was really meant — at the Vikings’ press conference to introduce new head coach Mike Zimmer:
Rickspeak is a complicated, evolutionary form of communication that takes years, if not decades to master. And yes, we’ll completely ignore that fact that Spielman has been here less than a decade. Shut up.
So, how is Mike Zimmer in the ways of Rickspeak? Let’s break down some of what he said during the introductory presser, shall we? Now, we won’t break down the whole press conference (you can read the entire transcript here if you like), because it was over half an hour long. And, as always, what Rick or Mike actually said will be quoted first, and then what they probably meant will be interpreted below. There’s some NSFW language in here, because Mike F@#$% Zimmer, yo.
[…]
Q: Have you decided on your coordinators yet?
What Mike Said: No. We are still working on the staff situations on everything right now. We are going to announce the entire staff at a later time when we get them all finished.
What Mike Meant: I know exactly who I want, chucklehead. I’m not going to tell you, though.
Q: When you look at the roster you inherited, how do evaluate the situation and the players you now have?
What Mike Said: I am a big believer in when we get out here in the field show me what you can do. I don’t ever want to pre-judge a player from what I see on film because I do not know what the previous coaches have told them and I have my own ideas on the way I want to do things.
What Mike Meant: I don’t know what the hell was going on here before, but on film it looked like a combination Clown Show and Kabuki Dick Dance Theater. When I get these guys out on the field, I’m going to be watching them, because I’m pretty sure the previous coordinators didn’t know what the hell they were doing. I’ll fix it, too.
