Quotulatiousness

January 17, 2011

Modern updates to Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Filed under: Government, Humour, Liberty, Politics, Quotations — Nicholas @ 09:03

I’ve always been a big fan of Ambrose Bierce’s collection of definitions, The Devil’s Dictionary. Many of his definitions ended up in various places in my original quotations website, as more than a century later, they were still both funny and true.

Paul Bonneau has a list of updates in the Bierce tradition:

A Cynic’s Political Dictionary

Democracy: Mob rule.

Republic: A euphemism for “police state”. See “Police State”. Also, a geographical region in which representative government is practiced. See “Representative Government”.

Representative Government: A refinement in Democracy in which a mob of people select the least moral among them, to police their morals.

Representative: A politician who claims to be able to simultaneously represent two other people who hate each other’s guts. See “Politician”.

Senator: A politician who spends more time drunk. See “Politician”.

Election: A type of circus, provided for entertainment and for giving a veneer of legitimacy to politicians. See “Politician”.

Politician: A euphemism for “liar”.

Public Servant: A euphemism for “master”.

Voter: A euphemism for “slave”.

Media: People whose job it is to propagate politicians’ lies far and wide.

Political party: A collection of people who participate in mindless team sports in an election. See “Election”.

Democrat: A Republican who claims to care. See “Republican”.

Republican: A Democrat who claims to support liberty. See “Democrat”.

Minarchist: An Anarchist in training. See “Anarchist”.

Anarchist: A slave suffering slavery burn-out.

Government: An amalgamation of masters.

State (or Country): An amalgamation of masters and slaves. Also, a plantation.

Police: Overseers on the plantation; also, tax collectors.

Taxes: A euphemism for “plunder”.

Police State: Typically refers to a country other than the one you happen to be a slave in. Also, a place where other people mind your business.

Jail: A jobs program for jailers.

School: A jobs program for teachers.

Teacher: One who turns children into voters for the government. See “Voter”.

No Comments

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Powered by WordPress