“The List” is the bane of testosterone-driven humans. “The List” is kept in the secret mental lock-box of human beings of the estrogen persuasion. Some believe that “The List” is a social construct, while others believe that “The List” is hard-wired into the DNA of the human female. I favor the latter theory since it seems to me that “The List” is merely a subset of “The Plan” — and “The Plan” is not only part and parcel of the basic makeup of the human female regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, or historical epoch, it is also the reason that — over time — women triumph over men. Women, in short, always have a life plan while men are stuck with something that looks like a cross between a spreadsheet without a recalc button and a really slick marketing idea.
In short, men might have a plan for making a rocket-propelled street luge, but they have none at all when it comes to human activities that stretch across decades — unless it involves such trifles as national defense or energy policy. Men seem to see items like this as actually important, but women know that what is really important is the command and control of male behavior. Hence, “Your Permanent Conduct Record” aka “The List.”
Women reading this essay are, of course, not the type to ever keep an indelible list of male transgressions, large and teeny-tiny. But trust me, there are many that do. Why? Because it works.
“The List” is a means of male-control through negative feedback. Positive male actions towards a woman are expected, perhaps noted at the time, perhaps not — but always in pencil. A brief pat and nod of encouragement and then the woman goes back into the default mode of “what have you done for me lately?” “Lately” is, as all men know, but a small subset of a single day.
Failings of the male — such as lapses in mental telepathy — are kept on “The List” in indelible ink, preferably blood-red. “The List” also includes transgressions, large and small, against the woman from previous relationships with previous males. The ownership of all these transgressions is automatically transferred to the male of the current relationship at the moment of inception or conception, whichever comes first. This is the reason men sometimes feel they are expected to pay an overdue bill for a meal they did not eat in a restaurant that no longer exists. Plus a 20% tip.
Gerard Vanderleun, “The List”, American Digest, 2018-10-21.
March 2, 2021
QotD: “The List”
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