Scott Reid and Scott Feschuk get serious about something … but not football, of course:
New York Giants (plus 2) at Dallas
Scott Reid: I have no way of knowing but I like to imagine that deep down, Tony Romo and Eli Manning loathe one another.
Romo’s hatred would be all bound up in his feelings of insecurity and gross inadequacy (not unlike your own feelings toward me, Mr. Feschuk). Manning probably just hates the dimples. My fondest hope is that deep in the fourth quarter of this week’s matchup – after the Giants gain a 10-point lead – Romo breaks down on television and begins to sob uncontrollably, confronted with the awful truth that he’ll never best his rival. Manning, meanwhile, will make Jessica Simpson jokes and snicker about the hands-off approach of John Mara. Eventually Romo cracks completely and beats Manning savagely with a Gatorade bottle – leaving Eli dead and himself condemned to a life behind bars. In no way would this scenario make Mike Vick the best starting quarterback in the NFC East. Pick: New York.
Scott Feschuk: That’s all very interesting but I have a more important question: What man would ever agree to date Taylor Swift? You’d have to know right from the get-go that everything that happens is basically fodder for her next three albums, right? Wouldn’t it get awkward pretty quick?
You and Taylor Swift are in bed.
You: That was amazing. Let’s do it again.
[Swift opens her journal and starts writing.]
You: What are you doing?
Taylor: Oh, nothing. What rhymes with horndog?
You: Are you writing a song about me and our relationship?
Taylor: What? No. No, of course not!
You: Then who are these guys? [Points to drummer, guitarist and fiddler in bed with them.]
Taylor: Take five, fellas. I need to work on the bridge anyways.
Pick: New York.
