In this time of abject apologies of all sorts for historic wrongs, it’s time for England — East Anglia in particular — to acknowledge the sins of their past:
As David Cameron told Pakistan that its current balls-out craziness was actually the fault of the British empire, experts pointed to the giant, stupid, disgusting country founded by some people from East Anglia.
Julian Cook, author of America: What the Fuck Were We Thinking?, said: “When Harwich-born Christopher Jones captained the Mayflower in 1620 he began a process that would lead ultimately to genocide, the Ku Klux Klan and Grey’s Anatomy.
“Thanks to him and his insane passengers, the way was paved for a nation of heavily armed toddlers led around by an ever-changing roll-call of religious maniacs, grubby conmen and dead-eyed celebrities.
“It doesn’t understand anything more than 15 minutes old — except creationism — and is littered with strip malls and heavily branded cheese pumps.
“We have engineered a massive, unstoppable Essex. We should all be in jail.”
H/T to Johnathan Pearce for the link.
Please tell me that site is like the Onion… I can’t imagine someone seriously writing that drivel.
Comment by Dwayne — April 14, 2011 @ 19:12
Yes, it’s a bit closer in spirit to The Onion than it is the New York Times.
Comment by Nicholas — April 14, 2011 @ 20:52
heavily branded cheese pumps.
What in the world s a cheese pump?
Comment by Brian Dunbar — April 15, 2011 @ 12:35
I assumed, from context, that “cheese pump” is a short form for a fast food or chain restaurant (where what Americans have been brainwashed into calling “cheese” is slathered all over everything).
Maybe I was too quick to jump to that assumption. Anyone else have a suggestion for what was meant by “cheese pump” in the original rant?
Comment by Nicholas — April 15, 2011 @ 13:14