{"id":99724,"date":"2025-12-16T03:00:31","date_gmt":"2025-12-16T08:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=99724"},"modified":"2025-12-16T22:23:19","modified_gmt":"2025-12-17T03:23:19","slug":"a-successful-tale-of-clanker-adoption-by-a-major-organization","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2025\/12\/16\/a-successful-tale-of-clanker-adoption-by-a-major-organization\/","title":{"rendered":"A successful tale of clanker adoption by a major organization"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a parody of AI rollout written tongue-in-cheek by Redditor buh2001j<\/a>. At least, I think<\/em> it’s a parody. Good god, I hope<\/em> it’s a parody …<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.<\/p>\n

$30 per seat per month.<\/p>\n

$1.4 million annually.<\/p>\n

I called it “digital transformation.”<\/p>\n

The board loved that phrase.<\/p>\n

They approved it in eleven minutes.<\/p>\n

No one asked what it would actually do.<\/p>\n

Including me.<\/p>\n

I told everyone it would “10x productivity.”<\/p>\n

That’s not a real number.<\/p>\n

But it sounds like one.<\/p>\n

HR asked how we’d measure the 10x.<\/p>\n

I said we’d “leverage analytics dashboards.”<\/p>\n

They stopped asking.<\/p>\n

Three months later I checked the usage reports.<\/p>\n

47 people had opened it.<\/p>\n

12 had used it more than once.<\/p>\n

One of them was me.<\/p>\n

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.<\/p>\n

It took 45 seconds.<\/p>\n

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.<\/p>\n

But I called it a “pilot success.”<\/p>\n

Success means the pilot didn’t visibly fail.<\/p>\n

The CFO asked about ROI.<\/p>\n

I showed him a graph.<\/p>\n

The graph went up and to the right.<\/p>\n

It measured “AI enablement.”<\/p>\n

I made that metric up.<\/p>\n

He nodded approvingly.<\/p>\n

We’re “AI-enabled” now.<\/p>\n

I don’t know what that means.<\/p>\n

But it’s in our investor deck.<\/p>\n

A senior developer asked why we didn’t use Claude or ChatGPT.<\/p>\n

I said we needed “enterprise-grade security.”<\/p>\n

He asked what that meant.<\/p>\n

I said “compliance.”<\/p>\n

He asked which compliance.<\/p>\n

I said “all of them.”<\/p>\n

He looked skeptical.<\/p>\n

I scheduled him for a “career development conversation.”<\/p>\n

He stopped asking questions.<\/p>\n

Microsoft sent a case study team.<\/p>\n

They wanted to feature us as a success story.<\/p>\n

I told them we “saved 40,000 hours.”<\/p>\n

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.<\/p>\n

They didn’t verify it.<\/p>\n

They never do.<\/p>\n

Now we’re on Microsoft’s website.<\/p>\n

“Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot.”<\/p>\n

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.<\/p>\n

He got 3,000 likes.<\/p>\n

He’s never used Copilot.<\/p>\n

None of the executives have.<\/p>\n

We have an exemption.<\/p>\n

“Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction.”<\/p>\n

I wrote that policy.<\/p>\n

The licenses renew next month.<\/p>\n

I’m requesting an expansion.<\/p>\n

5,000 more seats.<\/p>\n

We haven’t used the first 4,000.<\/p>\n

But this time we’ll “drive adoption.”<\/p>\n

Adoption means mandatory training.<\/p>\n

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.<\/p>\n

But completion will be tracked.<\/p>\n

Completion is a metric.<\/p>\n

Metrics go in dashboards.<\/p>\n

Dashboards go in board presentations.<\/p>\n

Board presentations get me promoted.<\/p>\n

I’ll be SVP by Q3.<\/p>\n

I still don’t know what Copilot does.<\/p>\n

But I know what it’s for.<\/p>\n

It’s for showing we’re “investing in AI.”<\/p>\n

Investment means spending.<\/p>\n

Spending means commitment.<\/p>\n

Commitment means we’re serious about the future.<\/p>\n

The future is whatever I say it is.<\/p>\n

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.<\/p>\n

-@gothburz <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

H\/T to Andy Krahn for the URL.<\/p>\n

Update: The story gets more involved<\/a> (thanks to Francis Turner for the link):<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Wacky Frank and Microsoft just put out a hit piece on me.<\/p>\n

The RADICAL and LUNATIC AI Mob is trying to silence me for speaking truth to big tech.<\/p>\n

They called it a “press release.”<\/p>\n

They said I was fired.<\/p>\n

I was not fired.<\/p>\n

TOTAL HOAX!<\/p>\n

They said I committed fraud.<\/p>\n

TOTAL WITCH HUNT.<\/p>\n

I committed “strategic storytelling.”<\/p>\n

There’s a difference.<\/p>\n

I gave them 40,000 hours.<\/p>\n

They put it on their website.<\/p>\n

They didn’t verify it.<\/p>\n

They never do.<\/p>\n

Now they’re calling ME the liar?<\/p>\n

I learned it from watching them.<\/p>\n

47 people opened Copilot.<\/p>\n

Out of 4,000.<\/p>\n

Those are their numbers.<\/p>\n

I just reported them.<\/p>\n

Very transparently.<\/p>\n

Very beautifully.<\/p>\n

They didn’t like the transparency.<\/p>\n

They liked the $1.4 million.<\/p>\n

$30 per seat per month.<\/p>\n

For software that hallucinates.<\/p>\n

I had to fix the hallucinations.<\/p>\n

I missed my sons baseball game.<\/p>\n

My daughters first ballet recital.<\/p>\n

So many hallucinations.<\/p>\n

Nobody talks about that.<\/p>\n

The senior developer asked questions.<\/p>\n

I scheduled him for a career development conversation.<\/p>\n

Microsoft taught me that.<\/p>\n

It’s in the training materials.<\/p>\n

Satya is scared.<\/p>\n

I exposed the playbook.<\/p>\n

The dashboards that mean nothing.<\/p>\n

The metrics nobody measures.<\/p>\n

The graphs that only go up.<\/p>\n

Scott Adams follows me now.<\/p>\n

The Dilbert guy.<\/p>\n

He said “In a Dilbert world.”<\/p>\n

That’s an endorsement.<\/p>\n

That’s validation.<\/p>\n

Microsoft doesn’t have that.<\/p>\n

Microsoft had Clippy.<\/p>\n

Microsoft then killed Clippy.<\/p>\n

RIP Clippy.<\/p>\n

Sill better ROI than Copilot.<\/p>\n

In the 90s<\/p>\n

The board still loves me.<\/p>\n

Eleven minutes to approve.<\/p>\n

That’s called trust.<\/p>\n

That’s called leadership.<\/p>\n

I’m requesting 5,000 more seats.<\/p>\n

They’ll approve that too.<\/p>\n

The graph will go up and to the right.<\/p>\n

It always goes up.<\/p>\n

That’s not fraud.<\/p>\n

That’s the future.<\/p>\n

WITCH HUNT.<\/p>\n

SAD!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a parody of AI rollout written tongue-in-cheek by Redditor buh2001j. At least, I think it’s a parody. Good god, I hope it’s a parody … Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it “digital transformation.” The board loved that phrase. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[831,57,15],"tags":[1506,94,463],"class_list":["post-99724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-business","category-humour","category-technology","tag-artificialintelligence","tag-microsoft","tag-parody"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-pWs","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99724","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=99724"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99724\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":99753,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99724\/revisions\/99753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=99724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=99724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=99724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}