{"id":86872,"date":"2024-01-21T03:00:56","date_gmt":"2024-01-21T08:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=86872"},"modified":"2024-01-20T16:13:21","modified_gmt":"2024-01-20T21:13:21","slug":"polycules-reading-about-this-shit-is-like-watching-paint-dry-its-astoundingly-sexless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2024\/01\/21\/polycules-reading-about-this-shit-is-like-watching-paint-dry-its-astoundingly-sexless\/","title":{"rendered":"Polycules &#8211; &#8220;Reading about this shit is like watching paint dry. It\u2019s astoundingly sexless.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One of the first times I encountered the term &#8220;polycule&#8221; was in joking reference to the pre-prison lifestyle of SBF and his intimate (?) circle and a photo of the seven diverse individuals from the Disney <em>Snow White<\/em> cast, but as <a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbray.substack.com\/p\/flailing-emptied-bodies-in-a-culture\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Chris Bray<\/a> says, it&#8217;s suddenly becoming a popular topic in the legacy media:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Sex is a lagging indicator. As the historians John D&#8217;Emilio and Estelle Freedman <a href=\"https:\/\/press.uchicago.edu\/ucp\/books\/book\/chicago\/I\/bo14770063.html\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">have written<\/a>, sexual behaviors reflect everything that happens around them: &#8220;Political movements that attempt to change sexual ideas and practices seem to flourish when an older system is in disarray and a new one forming.&#8221; Radical changes in sexual practices tell you that significant social change is already well advanced, and sex is <a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbray.substack.com\/p\/childhood-made-and-unmade\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">trying to catch up<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>It appears that an older system is in disarray. Polyamory litters the media landscape, suddenly, like a memo went out. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot-2024-01-21-at-15-58-21-Flailing-Emptied-Bodies-in-a-Culture-of-Isolation.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot-2024-01-21-at-15-58-21-Flailing-Emptied-Bodies-in-a-Culture-of-Isolation.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"728\" height=\"344\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-86873\" srcset=\"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot-2024-01-21-at-15-58-21-Flailing-Emptied-Bodies-in-a-Culture-of-Isolation.png 728w, https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot-2024-01-21-at-15-58-21-Flailing-Emptied-Bodies-in-a-Culture-of-Isolation-480x227.png 480w, https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot-2024-01-21-at-15-58-21-Flailing-Emptied-Bodies-in-a-Culture-of-Isolation-150x71.png 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 728px) 100vw, 728px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>See if you can spot a trend, because the last week has brought big features on polycules and their enthusiasts from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecut.com\/article\/polycule-polyamourous-relationship-meaning.html?origSession=D230905Vl%2F81yb%2FZqq9QneBlT90krrGBT0y%2FSY3RmIfn7nB1hY%3D&#038;_gl=1*10tpbu9*_ga*MTQ0NTI4NzUxLjE3MDU2OTU2NTI.*_ga_DNE38RK1HX*MTcwNTY5NTY1Mi4xLjEuMTcwNTY5NTY2NC40OC4wLjA.#_ga=2.208188882.1179316002.1705695653-144528751.1705695652\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><em>New York<\/em> magazine<\/a>, the <a href=\"https:\/\/archive.is\/kyOQY\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><em>New York Times<\/em><\/a>, and the <a href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2024\/01\/18\/lifestyle\/6-signs-you-should-introduce-polyamory-to-your-relationship\/\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><em>New York Post<\/em><\/a>. If you live in Brooklyn, have hand sanitizer and a reliable source of Valtrex.<\/p>\n<p>As the <em>Times<\/em> notes, television and publishing are similarly rushing to join in:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><em>Along with novels, TV shows and movies that depict throuples, polycules and other permutations of open relationships, there is a growing body of nonfiction literature that explores the ethics and logistical hurdles of polyamory. Recent titles include memoirs like the journalist Rachel Krantz&#8217;s 2022 book <strong>Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy<\/strong>, and self-help and inspirational books like <strong>The Anxious Person&#8217;s Guide to Non-Monogamy<\/strong>, <strong>The Polyamory Paradox<\/strong> and <strong>A Polyamory Devotional<\/strong>, which has 365 daily reflections for the polyamorous.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I&#8217;m begging you: read some of this stuff, because you&#8217;re not going to believe what I say about it. At least skim the thing in <em>New York<\/em>; here&#8217;s the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecut.com\/article\/polycule-polyamourous-relationship-meaning.html\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">link<\/a> again. Here&#8217;s a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Polyamory-Devotional-Reflections-Consensually-Nonmonogamous\/dp\/1990869238\/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2KBBNVNTOL7YN&#038;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ihSrByKpBxr9r1i0DJ6B18-ST5iLhlRPyHIsnAIBGO1E6x2XY3fegjmR6r64iW2Q8h_CAPRVF7TaAdJ-2MKSq4K3tan2-QptJfLxa-PlAWnKXEKumcp_cr05F_OY_st-7z_htxflxGidCjmsLNo8rA.Plkf9zjKrIoFoLAOprXM2rNjDhzdgl9ex-T_rl52qEc&#038;dib_tag=se&#038;qid=1705700280&#038;s=books&#038;sprefix=a%20polyamory%20devotional,stripbooks,388&#038;asin=1990869238&#038;revisionId=&#038;format=4&#038;depth=1\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">link<\/a> to the Amazon preview of <em>A Polyamory Devotional<\/em>, with daily thoughts about mindfulness and relationship structures. Now, armed with evidence, here&#8217;s my Big Conclusion:<\/p>\n<p>Reading about this shit is like watching paint dry. It&#8217;s astoundingly sexless.<\/p>\n<p>Polyamory turns out to be a front for therapeutic culture and a neurotic love of mirrors. The sexy thing with Alice and Anna and Nick and Sarah involves a lot of <em>checking in<\/em> and <em>managing expectations<\/em> and <em>maintaining supportive dialogue<\/em>. Actual quote from Nick: &#8220;Some people like to run marathons. We like to do polyamory, complex relationship stuff. Sarah&#8217;s favorite activity for the two of us to do is couples therapy.&#8221; You&#8217;re jealous of all that heat and pleasure, right? It&#8217;s so sexy that it&#8217;s like <em>running a marathon<\/em>. Of talking. With a therapist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the first times I encountered the term &#8220;polycule&#8221; was in joking reference to the pre-prison lifestyle of SBF and his intimate (?) circle and a photo of the seven diverse individuals from the Disney Snow White cast, but as Chris Bray says, it&#8217;s suddenly becoming a popular topic in the legacy media: Sex [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[66,28,13],"tags":[477,213,321,139,255],"class_list":["post-86872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health-science","category-media","category-usa","tag-magazines","tag-newspapers","tag-nyc","tag-psychology","tag-sexuality"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-mBa","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=86872"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86872\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":86874,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86872\/revisions\/86874"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=86872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=86872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=86872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}