{"id":46181,"date":"2021-07-24T01:00:21","date_gmt":"2021-07-24T05:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=46181"},"modified":"2021-07-23T08:53:51","modified_gmt":"2021-07-23T12:53:51","slug":"qotd-demolishing-the-tim-hortons-myth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2021\/07\/24\/qotd-demolishing-the-tim-hortons-myth\/","title":{"rendered":"QotD: Demolishing the Tim Hortons myth"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I’m here to help. This is a safe place, Canada. I want to see you get through this. Which is why I need you to listen to me closely. These words will be painful, but it’s important you hear them:<\/p>\n

Tim Hortons is not a defining national institution. Rather, it is a chain of thousands of doughnut shops, several of which have working toilets.<\/p>\n

Tim Hortons is not an indispensable part of the Canadian experience. Rather, it is a place that sells a breakfast sandwich that tastes like a dishcloth soaked in egg yolk and left out overnight on top of a radiator.<\/p>\n

Tim Hortons is not an anti-Starbucks choice that makes you a more relatable politician or a more authentic Canadian. Rather, it is a great place to buy a muffin if you’ve always wondered what it would be like to eat blueberry air.<\/p>\n

There is no shame in having been caught up in the Hortons hype. It happens. Just last week, a columnist in the Toronto Star<\/em> likened Tim Hortons to a precious vase that’s about to be juggled by its new owner, a monkey. (I was so irate at this irresponsible journalism that I wrote a letter demanding the Star<\/em> issue a retraction. Everyone knows monkeys juggle only coconuts.)<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, the NDP’s Peggy Nash \u2014 who, by all accounts, is an actual person and not a fictional construct of The Onion<\/em> \u2014 gravely warned of the potential consequences of the Tim Hortons brand “falling into foreign hands.”<\/p>\n

Yes, imagine the consequences. Maybe these madcap foreign owners will go so far as to alter the sandwiches so they taste like … something. Preferably like sandwich, but, at this point, most of us have stopped being picky.<\/p>\n

Am I getting through to you, Canada? While we’re on the topic of hard truths, there is something else that needs to be said.<\/p>\n

Canada, you sure do like your double-double \u2014 or, as it is by law referred to in news reports, the “beloved double-double.” But here’s a newsflash for you: If you drink your coffee with two creams and two sugars, the quality of the coffee itself is of little consequence. You might as well pour a mug of instant coffee or sip the urine of a house cat mixed with a clump of dirt from your golf spikes. It’s all basically the same thing once you bombard it with sweet and dairy. You’re really just wasting your …<\/p>\n

I see from your reaction that I’ve crossed a line. I hereby withdraw my defamatory comments about the double-double and kindly ask that you return that handful of my chest hair.<\/p>\n

Scott Feschuk, “Okay, Canada: It’s time for the hard truth about Tim Hortons”, Macleans<\/em><\/a>, 2014-09-14.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m here to help. This is a safe place, Canada. I want to see you get through this. Which is why I need you to listen to me closely. These words will be painful, but it’s important you hear them: Tim Hortons is not a defining national institution. Rather, it is a chain of thousands […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":35193,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[831,6,74,57,41],"tags":[97,347],"class_list":["post-46181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-business","category-cancon","category-food","category-humour","category-quotations","tag-advertising","tag-debunking"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/favicon.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-c0R","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46181"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":67306,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46181\/revisions\/67306"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35193"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}