{"id":41553,"date":"2018-01-03T05:00:51","date_gmt":"2018-01-03T10:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=41553"},"modified":"2018-01-02T23:29:41","modified_gmt":"2018-01-03T04:29:41","slug":"the-wisdom-of-zim-tzu-early-postseason-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2018\/01\/03\/the-wisdom-of-zim-tzu-early-postseason-edition\/","title":{"rendered":"The wisdom of Zim Tzu, early postseason edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"After each Vikings game, head coach Mike Zimmer is contractually obligated to talk to the local press for at least a few minutes. Although he’s getting better at hiding it, this is the part of his job he likes the least. As a result, he resorts to speaking a certain coded language that only The Daily Norseman<\/em>‘s Ted Glover<\/a> is fully conversant with, and he generously shares his dynamic translation skills with the rest of us in the unwashed masses:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Vikings warrior poet coach dispenses his weekly words of wisdom<\/p>\n

ED NOTE: This has bad words. None of the other things we write on here do, but this one does. It seems to be a popular bit, so until the law catches up with me, I\u2019m going to keep doing it. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for not reading and not letting your kids read it if bad language isn\u2019t your thing. Hope you enjoy the rest of our articles\u2014Ted<\/em><\/p>\n

When you\u2019re a warrior poet, it\u2019s your job to set goals for your unit. If you\u2019re a smart warrior poet, you lay out incremental goals on the way to The Ultimate Goal, much like bread crumbs on a path to follow. You know that the longest journey begins with one step, and although you can live with frustration and discouragement, you cannot tolerate failure. So these incremental goals are a way to measure success, to encourage and demand more, and to help your unit along their path to glory.<\/p>\n

And as you get closer and closer to The Ultimate Goal, the Incremental Goals allow you to to sharpen the edge of your blade, and to get your unit moving as one. Because as you get closer to the mountaintop, the journey that began with one step becomes a life and death battle, the air is rare, and you know before it\u2019s over your unit will need to dig deep down, to a place many have never had to dig before, to plant the flag on the summit.<\/p>\n

Because you are Zim Tzu, The King In The North, Exiler Of Clan Chicago, Disemboweler Of The Green Man, Declawer Of The Feline, Razer of Atlanta, Slayer Of The Jungle King, Silencer Of The Lambs, Pillager Of Capitals, Conqueror of The Brown Islands, Murderer of Crows, Melter Of Cheese, Hunter Of Bears, He Who Makes Pirates Walk The Plank, Impaler Of The Fleur De Lis, First Of His Name, High Septon Of Mankato, Lord Commander Of The Iron Range And Twin Cities, Master Of Fortress Winter Park and Protector Of The Realm.<\/p>\n

And when The Great Unwashed want to hear about your goals, you have to speak about them in a manner that doesn\u2019t offend the senses, because if you bring the high heat right away, you\u2019ll turn them off.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s where our job starts,* because we were born to do this.** We take Mike Zimmer\u2019s actual press conference quotes and turn a beer league softball underhand pitch into some high heat that you can use to develop your life code.***<\/p>\n

*Actually, this is a hobby. My real job pays me money.<\/em><\/p>\n

**I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.<\/em><\/p>\n

***I pray you don\u2019t use any of this to develop your life motto or code, as I hear prison and ruination are terrible, terrible things.<\/em><\/p>\n

As always, Zimmer\u2019s actual quotes are followed by the Zim Tzu translation.*<\/p>\n

*It\u2019s all made up, much like Ted Thompson\u2019s accomplishments.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I especially<\/em> enjoyed this koan on how Sam Bradford will be re-integrated into the Vikings’ plans:<\/p>\n

Q: If you are able to get Sam Bradford back at practice this week, what do you want to see out of him?<\/strong><\/p>\n