{"id":28846,"date":"2015-02-01T01:00:38","date_gmt":"2015-02-01T06:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=28846"},"modified":"2015-01-24T17:04:12","modified_gmt":"2015-01-24T22:04:12","slug":"qotd-travellers-phrase-books","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2015\/02\/01\/qotd-travellers-phrase-books\/","title":{"rendered":"QotD: Travellers’ phrase books"},"content":{"rendered":"

[George] handed me a small book bound in red cloth. It was a guide to English conversation for the use of German travellers. It commenced \u201cOn a Steam-boat,\u201d and terminated \u201cAt the Doctor\u2019s\u201d; its longest chapter being devoted to conversation in a railway carriage, among, apparently, a compartment load of quarrelsome and ill-mannered lunatics: \u201cCan you not get further away from me, sir?\u201d \u2014 \u201cIt is impossible, madam; my neighbour, here, is very stout\u201d \u2014 \u201cShall we not endeavour to arrange our legs?\u201d \u2014 \u201cPlease have the goodness to keep your elbows down\u201d \u2014 \u201cPray do not inconvenience yourself, madam, if my shoulder is of any accommodation to you,\u201d whether intended to be said sarcastically or not, there was nothing to indicate \u2014 \u201cI really must request you to move a little, madam, I can hardly breathe,\u201d the author\u2019s idea being, presumably, that by this time the whole party was mixed up together on the floor. The chapter concluded with the phrase, \u201cHere we are at our destination, God be thanked! (Gott sei dank!<\/em>)\u201d a pious exclamation, which under the circumstances must have taken the form of a chorus.<\/p>\n

At the end of the book was an appendix, giving the German traveller hints concerning the preservation of his health and comfort during his sojourn in English towns, chief among such hints being advice to him to always travel with a supply of disinfectant powder, to always lock his bedroom door at night, and to always carefully count his small change.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is not a brilliant publication,\u201d I remarked, handing the book back to George; \u201cit is not a book that personally I would recommend to any German about to visit England; I think it would get him disliked. But I have read books published in London for the use of English travellers abroad every whit as foolish. Some educated idiot, misunderstanding seven languages, would appear to go about writing these books for the misinformation and false guidance of modern Europe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou cannot deny,\u201d said George, \u201cthat these books are in large request. They are bought by the thousand, I know. In every town in Europe there must be people going about talking this sort of thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe,\u201d I replied; \u201cbut fortunately nobody understands them. I have noticed, myself, men standing on railway platforms and at street corners reading aloud from such books. Nobody knows what language they are speaking; nobody has the slightest knowledge of what they are saying. This is, perhaps, as well; were they understood they would probably be assaulted.\u201d<\/p>\n

George said: \u201cMaybe you are right; my idea is to see what would happen if they were understood. My proposal is to get to London early on Wednesday morning, and spend an hour or two going about and shopping with the aid of this book. There are one or two little things I want \u2014 a hat and a pair of bedroom slippers, among other articles. Our boat does not leave Tilbury till twelve, and that just gives us time. I want to try this sort of talk where I can properly judge of its effect. I want to see how the foreigner feels when he is talked to in this way.\u201d<\/p>\n

It struck me as a sporting idea. In my enthusiasm I offered to accompany him, and wait outside the shop. I said I thought that Harris would like to be in it, too \u2014 or rather outside.<\/p>\n

George said that was not quite his scheme. His proposal was that Harris and I should accompany him into the shop. With Harris, who looks formidable, to support him, and myself at the door to call the police if necessary, he said he was willing to adventure the thing.<\/p>\n

We walked round to Harris\u2019s, and put the proposal before him. He examined the book, especially the chapters dealing with the purchase of shoes and hats. He said:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf George talks to any bootmaker or any hatter the things that are put down here, it is not support he will want; it is carrying to the hospital that he will need.\u201d<\/p>\n

That made George angry.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou talk,\u201d said George, \u201cas though I were a foolhardy boy without any sense. I shall select from the more polite and less irritating speeches; the grosser insults I shall avoid.\u201d<\/p>\n

This being clearly understood, Harris gave in his adhesion; and our start was fixed for early Wednesday morning.<\/p>\n

Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel<\/em><\/a>, 1914.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[George] handed me a small book bound in red cloth. It was a guide to English conversation for the use of German travellers. It commenced \u201cOn a Steam-boat,\u201d and terminated \u201cAt the Doctor\u2019s\u201d; its longest chapter being devoted to conversation in a railway carriage, among, apparently, a compartment load of quarrelsome and ill-mannered lunatics: \u201cCan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32,57,28,41],"tags":[262,948,400,202],"class_list":["post-28846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books","category-humour","category-media","category-quotations","tag-culture","tag-jkjerome","tag-language","tag-travel"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-7vg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28846"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28847,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28846\/revisions\/28847"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}