{"id":20161,"date":"2013-05-07T16:37:11","date_gmt":"2013-05-07T21:37:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=20161"},"modified":"2013-05-07T16:37:11","modified_gmt":"2013-05-07T21:37:11","slug":"chris-kluwe-sees-onionsports-satire-responds-appropriately","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2013\/05\/07\/chris-kluwe-sees-onionsports-satire-responds-appropriately\/","title":{"rendered":"Chris Kluwe sees @OnionSports satire, responds appropriately"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>The Onion<\/em> posted a short <a href=\"Chris Kluwe Pens Impassioned Editorial On Challenges Facing Cut NFL Punters\" target=\"_blank\">&#8220;editorial&#8221; &#8220;by&#8221; &#8220;Chris Kluwe&#8221;<\/a>. The former Vikings punter responded that he&#8217;s quite capable of writing his own biting satire with extremely generous sprinklings of naughty words:<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>**WARNING. THE FOLLOWING IS SATIRE. IF YOU DON&#8217;T UNDERSTAND THE INTERNET, LEAVE NOW**<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331876753935069185\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>A day after being cut by the Minnesota Vikings, former punter Chris Kluwe penned an impassioned online screed<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331877002825043969\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>chastising the entire state of Minnesota for not caring a single whit about his histrionic outbursts on basically anything he felt<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331877174007177216\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>would make him somewhat relevant in the modern news cycle. &#8220;How dare you snot-felching turkeyshits ignore my desperate cries for attention,&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331877739265138690\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>Kluwe wrote, while smashing together multiple run on sentences about the plight of the not at all endangered American prairie dog.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331877850921701377\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>&#8220;I swear to raptor Jesus, if my name isn&#8217;t somewhere in the media or on the front page of Reddit in three fucking seconds, I&#8217;m going<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331877941967470592\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>to light your mother&#8217;s nipple hairs on fire with her own explosive flatulence.&#8221; Kluwe then went on another four page rant about<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878119805947905\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>the dangers of poorly maintained water heaters, using such ludicrous phrases like &#8220;Satan&#8217;s vomiting crotchsphincter,&#8221; and<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878229470244864\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>&#8220;turgid camel cocks,&#8221; interspersed with punting stats that not one single person gives a solitary fuck about, and frankly, wishes<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878325914050562\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>didn&#8217;t exist. When asked for comment, multiple people who claimed they knew Chris Kluwe said, &#8220;Isn&#8217;t he that whiny dude with the stupid<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878414241910786\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>hair?&#8221; and, &#8220;What the fuck is a punter?&#8221; Kluwe&#8217;s mother reached out to the Onion and told them her son had died of dysentery twenty<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878600628371457\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>five years ago, and whoever claiming to be him now was undoubtedly &#8220;some turdgobbling famewhore.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878651559804928\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\">\n<p>**SATIRE OVER. YOU MAY NOW RETURN TO YOUR DAILY INTERNET**<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChrisWarcraft\/status\/331878905294229505\">May 7, 2013<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Onion posted a short &#8220;editorial&#8221; &#8220;by&#8221; &#8220;Chris Kluwe&#8221;. The former Vikings punter responded that he&#8217;s quite capable of writing his own biting satire with extremely generous sprinklings of naughty words:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,57,28],"tags":[474,179,310],"class_list":["post-20161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-football","category-humour","category-media","tag-chriskluwe","tag-nfl","tag-twitter"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-5fb","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20161"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20163,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20161\/revisions\/20163"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}