{"id":19316,"date":"2013-03-07T10:35:46","date_gmt":"2013-03-07T15:35:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=19316"},"modified":"2013-03-07T10:38:26","modified_gmt":"2013-03-07T15:38:26","slug":"us-department-of-defence-to-change-standards-for-awarding-the-purple-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2013\/03\/07\/us-department-of-defence-to-change-standards-for-awarding-the-purple-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"US Department of Defence to change standards for awarding the Purple Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A recognition of the importance of maintaining <a href=\"http:\/\/www.duffelblog.com\/2013\/03\/department-of-defense-to-award-purple-heart-for-butthurt\/\" target=\"_blank\">service members&#8217; self-esteem<\/a> in the face of harsh and unyielding forces beyond their control:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/File:Purpleheart.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/Purple-Heart-medal.jpg\" alt=\"Purple Heart medal\" width=\"203\" height=\"383\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-19318\" srcset=\"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/Purple-Heart-medal.jpg 203w, https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/Purple-Heart-medal-79x150.jpg 79w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 203px) 100vw, 203px\" \/><\/a>In the wake of the newly unveiled Distinguished Warfare Medal, the Department of Defense intends to relax standards on the nation\u2019s oldest military decoration &mdash; the Purple Heart. Under the expanded interpretation, the award will now be available to any disgruntled service member suffering from disillusionment and shattered expectations.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAcute Rectal Inflammation, colloquially known as \u2018butthurt,\u2019 is a serious and grossly underrated epidemic plaguing our military,\u201d Lieutenant Jimmy Chang, Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, told <em>The Duffel Blog<\/em>. \u201cEssentially, psychological or emotional trauma, stemming from either internal or external stimuli, manifests itself and eventually begets anal trauma. In severe cases, butt cells can become so hurt that they become malignant. In fact, butthurt is the leading cause of colon cancer among service members.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A recognition of the importance of maintaining service members&#8217; self-esteem in the face of harsh and unyielding forces beyond their control: In the wake of the newly unveiled Distinguished Warfare Medal, the Department of Defense intends to relax standards on the nation\u2019s oldest military decoration &mdash; the Purple Heart. Under the expanded interpretation, the award [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[57,5,13],"tags":[145,31,30,463],"class_list":["post-19316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-military","category-usa","tag-airforce","tag-army","tag-navy","tag-parody"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-51y","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19316","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19316"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19316\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19319,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19316\/revisions\/19319"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}