{"id":1822,"date":"2009-11-13T14:02:04","date_gmt":"2009-11-13T19:02:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=1822"},"modified":"2019-08-28T08:34:21","modified_gmt":"2019-08-28T12:34:21","slug":"british-emigration-woes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2009\/11\/13\/british-emigration-woes\/","title":{"rendered":"British emigration woes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jeremy Clarkson<\/a> enumerates all the places would-be Ex-pats can’t go:<\/p>\n

\n

There\u2019s talk of emigration in the air. It\u2019s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can\u2019t see the point because she won\u2019t be going to university, because she doesn\u2019t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don\u2019t live in America.<\/p>\n

[. . .]<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can\u2019t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don\u2019t sweep your lawn properly, and you can\u2019t go to Italy because you\u2019ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse\u2019s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for \u201corganising\u201d a plumber.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t go to Australia because it\u2019s full of things that will eat you, you can\u2019t go to New Zealand because they don\u2019t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can\u2019t go to Monte Carlo because they don\u2019t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can\u2019t go to Spain because you\u2019re not called Del and you weren\u2019t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can\u2019t go to Germany . . . because you just can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you\u2019ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it\u2019s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can\u2019t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jeremy Clarkson enumerates all the places would-be Ex-pats can’t go: There\u2019s talk of emigration in the air. It\u2019s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can\u2019t see the point because she won\u2019t be going to university, because she doesn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":35193,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,79,57],"tags":[52,1306,162,202],"class_list":["post-1822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-britain","category-education","category-humour","tag-absurd","tag-jeremyclarkson","tag-socializedmedicine","tag-travel"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/favicon.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-to","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1822"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1822\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50671,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1822\/revisions\/50671"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35193"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}