{"id":10175,"date":"2011-07-07T09:05:34","date_gmt":"2011-07-07T13:05:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/?p=10175"},"modified":"2011-07-07T09:05:34","modified_gmt":"2011-07-07T13:05:34","slug":"the-innocent-bystanders-survival-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/2011\/07\/07\/the-innocent-bystanders-survival-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"The Innocent Bystander&#8217;s Survival Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You know that it&#8217;s bound to happen, especially if you&#8217;re a comic nerd or rabid anime fan. Be prepared to <a href=\"http:\/\/enphilistor.50megs.com\/innocent.htm\" target=\"_blank\">survive<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>9. If an acquaintance of yours seems to disappear everytime the Hero puts in an appearance, rub some of those brain cells together and see what comes up. <\/p>\n<p>[. . .]<\/p>\n<p>11. If you are a news reporter, find a happy medium between the people&#8217;s right to know and your right to not get kidnapped\/held hostage\/etc.<\/p>\n<p>12. Likewise, if you are a policeman, bank guard, or night watchman, and your first shot bounces off of the intruder&#8217;s chest, try shooting other areas of the intruder&#8217;s body, like their face, groin, etc. If this also fails, do not waste the rest of your ammo on him\/her\/it, or risk your neck in hand-to-hand combat; instead, fall back and observe. <\/p>\n<p>[. . .]<\/p>\n<p>21. If a Superhero takes up residence in your city, a nice spacious estate in the country will help you to actualize your potential lifespan.<\/p>\n<p>22. If you are a security guard for a vast, powerful corporation, try to get assigned to the Marketing or Personnel departments, rather than R&#038;D. <\/p>\n<p>[. . .]<\/p>\n<p>49. No matter how hooked you are on phonics, don&#8217;t try to pronounce things you find inscribed in ancient artifacts. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>H\/T to Nicholas Rosen for the link.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You know that it&#8217;s bound to happen, especially if you&#8217;re a comic nerd or rabid anime fan. Be prepared to survive: 9. If an acquaintance of yours seems to disappear everytime the Hero puts in an appearance, rub some of those brain cells together and see what comes up. [. . .] 11. If you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[57,28,73],"tags":[288,213,98,101,43],"class_list":["post-10175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-media","category-randomness","tag-archaeology","tag-newspapers","tag-police","tag-tv","tag-women"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2hpV6-2E7","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10175","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10175"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10175\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10177,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10175\/revisions\/10177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/quotulatiousness.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}