Quotulatiousness

October 14, 2013

You can’t make me eat kale

Filed under: Food, Health, Humour — Tags: — Nicholas @ 11:25

At American Digest, a paean of joy at the thought of being forced to eat more kale:

Of late many self-employed food bullshit artists have concluded that we should eat more kale. Why anyone would want to eat even a little kale is beyond me. Kale, considered dispassionately, is something that you’d want to dry and stuff into a tick mattress if you were out of paint soaked rags and seaweed. Kale is not, strictly speaking, a food.

And yet, and yet, there it is. Oozing in piles of of leafy green intestine cleansing fronds in what can now only be described as the weed section of the produce aisle at your average Whole Foods.

How kale actually got into our national food chain is a mystery almost as deep as how the flavor of pumpkin (backed by “Spice!”) has been infused into foods and beverages starting October 1. Both kale and pumpkin exemplify items from the somewhat vegetable kingdom that would be better going straight from farm to compost without passing through humans.

And yet, and yet, here we are … one more mile down the road to hell courtesy of those post LorenaBobbittized vegans within whom there is not a teaspoon of testosterone in a trainload.

[…]

That’s the wave of the future and it is not an amber wave under spacious skies. Nope. It is a wave of pale and sodden progressively “good-for-you” greens slopped onto your aluminum plate in the prison chow line on Planet Vegan. You remember that putrescent puddle of gurgling spinach guts in spinach water that was once glunked on your plate in the high school cafeteria? This is the same thing only with extra thiocyanate. But hey, its KALE!, so count yourself lucky. Think of all the children of the elite and super rich that are going to bed tonight without any.

Vikings stumble to embarrassing loss at home to the Panthers

Filed under: Football — Tags: , , — Nicholas @ 10:14

Yesterday was our family Thanksgiving dinner, so I didn’t even turn on the TV to find out if the Vikings game was available to watch in our area. I checked my Twitter feed every now and again, to see how the game was going … and became a bit more thankful I hadn’t tried to watch even part of the game on TV. As Jim Souhan posted to his Twitter account, “this is the kind of game that gets coaches fired”.

Carolina scored first, and soon put the Vikings in a deep enough hole that Adrian Peterson was not going to be a factor for the rest of the game. Matt Cassel, after a good performance against Pittsburgh in the last game, reverted to being inconsistent against the Panthers. Josh Robinson continued to be the opposing quarterback’s favourite target, while injuries started to pile up among the other defenders (Bishop, Smith, and Rhodes). There were few good individual performances to stack up against overall team inadequacies.

Christopher Gates:

I have no idea how a team coming off of a bye week, and with all the emotion that this week contained, can come out as completely flat and lifeless as the Minnesota Vikings did today. They just got throttled on both sides of the ball, with the Carolina Panthers dominating in time of possession for the afternoon, and just looked overmatched everywhere.

Matt Cassel is terrible. Whine about Christian Ponder all you want, but this team didn’t have a 10-point performance under his watch. Sometimes, a quarterback change can have a ripple effect on the team. . .assuming that you’re not changing to Matt Cassel. Ah, well, the Josh Freeman era starts next week, it appears.

Josh Robinson is the worst defensive back to wear purple and gold since the days of Wasswa Serwanga and Robert Tate. Seriously, rather than a #21, his jersey should just have a giant bulls-eye on it.

Update: Christopher Gates discusses the elephant in the room … the putrid state of the Vikings defence.

But Cassel’s performance today brought to light the gigantic elephant in the room, one that people were a bit reticent about during the first three or four games of the 2013 NFL season … and that’s the fact that this just might be the worst defense in Minnesota Vikings history.

Think I’m exaggerating or engaging in hyperbole? Well, I took a look back at the Vikings’ defenses over the years, particularly since the advent of the 16-game schedule. Since 1978, the most points the Vikings have given up in a full 16-game season (excluding years where there were strikes and/or games with replacement players) is 484. That was the figure given up by the 1984 Minnesota Vikings, generally regarded as the worst team in franchise history and a team that outright quit on their reviled head coach, Les Steckel, about halfway through the season.

The 2013 Minnesota Vikings’ defense is on pace to be worse.

The Vikings, through the first five games, have allowed 158 points, an average of 31.6 points per contest. If they keep up that clip for 16 games, they will allow opponents to put up over 500 points (506, to be precise) for the first time in franchise history. For some perspective on that, the record for the most points allowed since the advent of the 16-game schedule is 533, currently held by the 1981 Baltimore Colts. The 2008 Detroit Lions, the 0-16 outfit, allowed 517 points during that season. Such a pace would make the 2013 Vikings only the third team in NFL history to allow more than 500 points in a 16-game season. (The 1966 New York Giants allowed 501 points, but that was in a 14-game slate, which is even worse.)

Nobody seemed to want to discuss the defense very much when Christian Ponder was the starting quarterback … but we pretty much have to talk about it now, as it’s continued to be horrible. This defense is awful at every level, with only a few guys that should be allowed to collect their paychecks on a weekly basis. This team has allowed at least 27 points in every game this season (and, yet, was still in position to win a couple of those games if they could have made so much as one play), the defensive line isn’t getting nearly the pressure they should, the linebackers are at least a step slow, if not more, the secondary can’t cover anybody, and Josh Robinson has been so awful they should just give him a jersey that says “Serwanga” on the back.

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