Scott Feschuk works his magic to ensure that Cleveland comes in first in at least one ranking this year:
Resuming a hallowed and time-honoured tradition that dates back all the way to the beginning of this sentence, we take a break from sucking at football picks to present our Mid-Mid-Season Lack of Power Rankings. Teams are rated from worst to first.
1. Cleveland (0-5) You know who’s having a terrible season so far? God. Defend Him all you like: the Guy is just going through the motions. Come on, God: we’ve seen you torment the Browns for the last eon. TRY SOMETHING NEW.
2. Buffalo (2-3) The Bills are giving up so much yardage so quickly that they’re on pace to break the all-time record set by France in 1940.
3. Jacksonville (1-4) So the NFL has announced that in 2013 it will again be sending Jacksonville over to play a football game in London. Twice more and we’ll be even for them sending us Coldplay.
4. Tennessee (2-4) Despite its win over Pittsburgh, this team is a bigger train wreck than Barack Obama’s debate performance wrapped in NBC’s fall comedies and driven into a tree by Lindsay Lohan.
5. K.C. (1-4) Ladies and gentlemen, the Brady Quinn era is upon us. Lock up your daughters! (Otherwise, they may steal Brady’s job.) On the upside, a few drives should be enough to earn Quinn an ESPY nomination in the category of Best Ryan Leaf Homage.
