I’ve always been a big fan of Ambrose Bierce’s collection of definitions, The Devil’s Dictionary. Many of his definitions ended up in various places in my original quotations website, as more than a century later, they were still both funny and true.
Paul Bonneau has a list of updates in the Bierce tradition:
A Cynic’s Political Dictionary
Democracy: Mob rule.
Republic: A euphemism for “police state”. See “Police State”. Also, a geographical region in which representative government is practiced. See “Representative Government”.
Representative Government: A refinement in Democracy in which a mob of people select the least moral among them, to police their morals.
Representative: A politician who claims to be able to simultaneously represent two other people who hate each other’s guts. See “Politician”.
Senator: A politician who spends more time drunk. See “Politician”.
Election: A type of circus, provided for entertainment and for giving a veneer of legitimacy to politicians. See “Politician”.
Politician: A euphemism for “liar”.
Public Servant: A euphemism for “master”.
Voter: A euphemism for “slave”.
Media: People whose job it is to propagate politicians’ lies far and wide.
Political party: A collection of people who participate in mindless team sports in an election. See “Election”.
Democrat: A Republican who claims to care. See “Republican”.
Republican: A Democrat who claims to support liberty. See “Democrat”.
Minarchist: An Anarchist in training. See “Anarchist”.
Anarchist: A slave suffering slavery burn-out.
Government: An amalgamation of masters.
State (or Country): An amalgamation of masters and slaves. Also, a plantation.
Police: Overseers on the plantation; also, tax collectors.
Taxes: A euphemism for “plunder”.
Police State: Typically refers to a country other than the one you happen to be a slave in. Also, a place where other people mind your business.
Jail: A jobs program for jailers.
School: A jobs program for teachers.
Teacher: One who turns children into voters for the government. See “Voter”.
